FADERS: How determined are you?

by VampireDCLXV 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  VampireDCLXV

  After being here on JWN for a while, one does see a spectrum of sorts. There are people here in various stages of their exit from their lives as JWs. Some are full fledged KH and FS attendees whom we call "the conscious class". There are those who are just beginning their fade and are in the process of cutting back on "privileges" and meeting attendance. There are some who hardly attend anything anymore. And there are those who are completely out with no intention of going back to a KH for any reason whatsoever.

  Despite all this, there are also varying levels of mental commitment to the bOrg. Some people still have doubts as to whether they've really done the right thing in leaving the bOrg while others cannot stand the thought of ever returning.

  So I ask you faders: how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?

  Do you still miss old JW "friends"?

  Do you miss the company of JW relatives?

  Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?

  Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?

  Lingering doubts might be sabotaging you. The sooner you shed your doubts about yourself and the reasons your leaving, the sooner you can heal.

  So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?

  Please post your thoughts and feelings here. Those among us who have left and are never going back are here to support you.

  V665
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  Girlie

  Vamp,

  I am glad you created this thoughtful post. I am physically out, but mentally enslaved. I still get those haunting thoughts of "did I do the right thing" or the "I miss my JW friends" and still perplexed by some of their basic doctrines as being reasonable. However, their more pivotal teachings, lack of love and oppressed environment keeps me from wanting to return back. I have no desire to go back to being a JW, no desire to return back to a KH and would very much love to relinquish any vestiges of this cult. I feel myself leaning more towards DAing myself as there is nothing there to go back to other than my parents.
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  agent zero

  V665, your questions are worded in a way more applicable to ones who have completed their fade and are out, not active faders, but here goes.

  how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?

  well i'm not "out" yet, so that would have to happen before thinking of returning. but i have played out the scenarios in my head, and returning MIGHT be a possibility, depending on how horribly it goes out there in "the world" and how much i miss the people, but it would never be a faith-based return and all the attitudes that go together with that.

  Do you still miss old JW "friends"?

  Do you miss the company of JW relatives?

  again, i'm not out so i still have association with friends and relatives. but yes, this is without a doubt the biggest (if not ONLY) thing still keeping me in, albeit now hanging by a few threads.

  Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?

  only verrrry occasionally. i had one just a few days ago, but now i can't think of it right now. i was actually going to post it as a question here but didn't want to sound like a JW apologist hehe.

  Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?

  never.
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  jworld

  “Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?”

  This is not unique to exiting JW’s. One of my best friends, who was raised a Catholic, once told me he hedged his bets for a long time just in case the Catholics were right. He’s now an atheist and has no ties to the catholic church. It took him well into his late 30's to get to this point.

  Only the passage of time will take care of that and the amount of time is unique to the individual. I personally don’t see any reason to speed up or slow down the process. It will happen at a natural pace for each individual.
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  agent zero

  I am physically out, but mentally enslaved

  I am physically enslaved, but mentally out
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  Broken Promises

  how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?

  Very. I will never ever ever become a JW again. Ever.

  Do you still miss old JW "friends"?

  Sometimes I reminisce of old times, but then I remember that these are the same ones who dropped me like a hot potato the minute I slowed in my meeting attendence, and never called to see how I was when I stopped completely. So, no, I don't miss them anymore.

  Do you miss the company of JW relatives?

  I deliberately faded so that I wouldn't be da'd or df'd and so I could still talk to JW relatives. I only have one sister and she is a staunch JW so we've had to agree to disagree on the topic. We just don't talk about JWs or religion in general in order to keep the peace. I have other relatives who are JWs but we only see each other at weddings or funerals so it's not a big deal.

  Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?

  I think I had that thought ONCE, about 6 months after I faded. It went away after about 10 seconds and I've never had that thought or feeling again.

  Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?

  Never. But then, I didn't as a JW either. I do sometimes dream that I'm at a meeting or in field service, but I know it's all rubbish and I have to find a way of leaving the situation. In most of the dreams I simply walk away.

  Lingering doubts might be sabotaging you. The sooner you shed your doubts about yourself and the reasons your leaving, the sooner you can heal.

  I agree. You have to do some research into the history and the doctrines of the JW so that you are mentally out. I know exJWs who are out physically but not mentally. I'd hate to be in that position.

  So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?

  I'd say it took me about a year to leave mentally and physically, and after that there was no turning back.

  And I will never ever go back!!!
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  Rocky_Girl

  I will never go back. The only thing I miss is my extended family. But, they are in a different state, so it is only bad when they visit every few years. Their conditional love is not worth the intellectual and spiritual prison that is the Jehovah's Witnesses. I have been out for 12 years.
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  Joliette

  ^ I agree with the above poster and I am NEVER going back either. The 'love' that the 'friends' show is very very conditional, and their loyality is to an organization, not to their 'so called friends.'
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  RagingBull

  When I finally get out...I will not be going back. Actually heard someone give a comment that no one could understand the Bible without the organization so they would starve spiritually in the world.

  No WAY would I ever go back.
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  Quirky1

  I've been out for 4 years now and have had very little contact with JW's. There are a few that still come around or don't give me the cold shoulder when they see me but most are afraid...even the inlaws..

  I don't regret leaving, even tho my wife is still a JW. We have a pretty good relationship together, even tho it was rocky for awhile.. I will never go back.

  I no longer care for religion nor do I believe in it...

  Being a JW is in the past, it's done..