The WT has got your family into a right mess.
Remember that it is not a mess of your making. When your wife feels ill after talking about her religious beliefs it is not your fault for bringing up the crazy doctrines and faulty logic that the WT has implanted, illegitimately, in her head.
I'm in slightly different position to you, as I was never baptised and don't have DF/DA issues. I introduced my wife to the cult and she took to it like a duck to water. I drifted out after 1975 failed, but was still under the influence so let her bring our kids up in the cult. When I finally realised it was a cult, I did what you did and told her why I thought that. Bad move. Like you, I forgot every warning sign the WT had taught her, and me. It didn't go well, but years later we are still together.
What I have done now, is to make it clear that I want answers to certain questions and that she, and my other family members are welcome to answer them at any time. They are not welcome to trash my character before answering the questions as the questions are directly related to the supposed authority and selection of the Watchtower. I make it clear that if they want to claim the moral high ground, they have to earn it all over again, because they lost it when I found out that the Watchtower had lied to all of us and they have made that worse for themselves by trying to cover it up by denying, lying, character assassination and bullying.
I never talk religion with any of them unless they bring it up. If they do bring it up, I quickly lead the conversation to one of the questions they haven't answered. I no longer 'tell' them anything they don't already know and that I can't quickly find in their own literature if they deny it. If they deny something, I show them their own literature and let them read it. They are welcome to discuss it, but they never do. It hasn't got any of them out of the cult, but they are reluctant to shove their religion and cultish behaviors in my face.
Don't behave badly. Let them be the ones who get nasty, then make them feel guilty for it by asking an appropriate question. My question often uses a comparison to something they (or the WT) have said about members of a 'false' religion.
Take your time.
Don't do anything differently until you have a well thought out plan. Remember that your wife was listening to every warning that the WT ever gave you to identify opposers/apostates and work out how to get through to her without setting off the alarm bells.