I talked the first time in 20 years to a non-JW and need a divorce...

by Intel 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • Honesty

    Ex-wife is a super dub, considers me satan's spawn, ignores multiple court orders and my mailed requests to see my minor child but cashes every child support cheque she receives in the mail within 2 days.

    My JW family considers me DEAD.

    It has been over 6 years since I DA'd and divorced my spouse.

    A good friend who is the senior pastor of a large church was preaching on Luke 9:62 one Sunday when I was visiting several years ago. Without mentioning names he asked the congregation to what lengths would they go to in order to be a follower of Jesus.

    He then surprised me when he said, "There is a man sitting in this sanctuary who was disowned by his family because of his desire to be one of Jesus' followers instead of the follower of a well known cult."

    Freedom to live and worship God always comes with a price but no price is too much for the freedom of release that one feels when they have broken the chains of bondage that comes with being a member of a cult.

  • HintOfLime

    Take a deep breath.

    Research the points that have made you realize that JW's are not the truth. Arm yourself mentally.

    Do not be intimidated by JW's or by elders. They are intellectual cowards, and with truth, can be cornered as liars and manipulators.

    Since the beginning of time men and women have had to arm themselves to fight the good fight - to fight for freedom, justice, and truth. That is the battle you fight against cults like Jehovah's Witnesses. Prepare yourself, and be ready to call bullshit bullshit. If someone tries to label you an apostate - be ready to respond. "Apostate" is a label they try to use to discredit someone without having to acknowledge legitimate logical points of debate. They have the short end of the stick, and they know it - so they have to resort to lying, slander, and character assasination against those that have a rational argument.

    Buy a little time, think, and prepare. Educate yourself on logical faulicies. Come to understand watchtower propaganda and the 'chinks in the armor'. You may not be able to save your wife or child - but it may be worth a little extra effort.

    Use the recent example of Harold Camping to your advantage. We have a modern-day prophet who mirrors Russel in dozens of ways. Use him to enlighten those around you.

    Find points of agreement. I've found that even my blind-as-bats JW family are cringing at the pope-like "follow us without question" thinking of men that the current governing body is spewing. There seems to be room for reasonable doubt even amoung JW's if you express a desire to "follow god rather than men" when "men" are calling for unquestioned devotion.

    I understand the desire to just throw garbage away when you recognize it and be done with it - and honestly, that's what I did myself, as it didn't cost me anything. But considering the watchtowers recent steps in the direction of giving glory toward men instead of god.. there may be room to express a reasonable opinion.

    (At the same time, if you're personal safety is in jeapordy - best to get out and fight another day. The Watchtower is but a single snare in a large minefield for trapping mankind called 'relgiion".)

    - Lime

  • dgp

    I have never been a witness, and happily for me I would never have to make the decisions you'd have to make if you left the organization. I have learned a lot on this site but I can't relate or understand everything. I do know this, however: that worldly friend of yours would help you a lot if he understands what goes on. This man will also go ten extra miles if he thinks he can help you out of that prison, whatever the time frame you need.

    I also believe that you should make more worldly friends. I am under the impression that people in your situation will eventually make mistakes, attract attention, and might end up disfellowshipped. You will need someone to help you if that should happen. I'm sure your worldly friends would help.

    I honestly wish you the very best.

  • AGuest

    Dearest Intel... may you have peace!

    I realize that you are an atheist and so I can't offer anything on that line. I also didn't have to deal with the "family" thing (my core family came out with me; my extended family are not JWs)... and I know how that can cause some to suffer... so I can't offer anything on that line, either. And although I would LOVE to exhort you to work it out with your wife, I realize that that isn't always possible under these circumstances.

    I can offer, however, that learning to love, like, and live with yourself... and perhaps BY yourself... is critical... if you are to get out of the predicament you're in. If you are a person who HAS to be "around" others and/or NEEDS "tangible" association on a regular basis, and/or MUST have others' "approval"... ESPECIALLY family's... then this may be quite difficult for you. On the other hand, if you are a person who, even if you don't like to or really want to... CAN... be alone... somewhat... you will get through it much easier. Either way, it will be tough, no one's going to lie to you about that... but it can be done. And while your situation may seem bleak, I promise you, someone out there has gone through worse, don't ever doubt that.

    This board (and maybe some others) might help; it never sleeps and so there's always someone to "talk" to, if you need it. There are also a plethora of folks who can relate to your specific situation. Even your loss of faith (which I don't take issue with - it is quite understandable, as that it is the purpose of the WTBTS). They can also "hurt", however... in various ways... if you don't know how to use them. Your comments and lurking, etc., suggest that you do know so maybe not much to worry about there.

    May you get through this as quickly... and painlessly... as possible.

    Again, peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,


  • HintOfLime
    I can offer, however, that learning to love, like, and live with yourself... and perhaps BY yourself... is critical... if you are to get out of the predicament you're in

    I agree with aguest (although, I'm still convinced she's venusian, hehe ).

    If your wife is so 'sickened' by you asking questions that she throws up.. that is that is cognitive dissonance in action. "Reality" is in such disharmony with watchtower bullshit land that she is basically 'pretending' to be sick as to gain sympathy and excuse herself from reality.

    I would suggest you politely ask her to grow up. Ask her if her faith is so vulnerable that simple, honest questions can blow it down and send her hugging the toilet, what exactly is her faith built upon?

    What reason is there to trust the bible?

    What bible prophecies are unquestionably true?

    Are there any bible prophecies that have not come true?

    Who selects the "faithful and discreet slaves"?

    Do slaves ususally command others to follow them without quetion?

    What facts are Jehovah's Witnesses teaching about education and the theory of evolution?

    Personally, I have come to accept that my family are JW's. I don't think there is a 'one size fits all' world view. Some people are mentally prepared to face the reality that we grow old and die, and that is that. Others just aren't. But one thing my family does recognize is that I am by no means stupid, nor 'led by satan'. There are completely legitimate questions about the world and life that the bible, and especially the watchtower corporation completely fails to answer.

    Respect yourself, and your right to ask legitmate questions. Don't let the WT take your human dignity away with their mental illness.

    - Lime.

  • Quandry

    Maybe it doesn't mean getting a divorce. Do not depend on your wife for your happiness. You must begin to get other interests, and try to include your wife and family. Especially try to spend more fun time with your child, perhaps at a park, or take your family for a day to a nice place instead of to the meetings one weekend a month.

    They will try to take everything from you if you utter the wrong words. I hope you can fade away without losing all. Give it a try.

    I wish you the best.

  • Star tiger
    Star tiger


    You are one of the good guys, never forget that, your wife and relatives are total mind slaves to the Borg , although they appear to be the enemies to your happiness now, anybody that gets ensnared by this evil organization is a victim and hopefully be eventually be freed, your good conduct will ensure that when they do, your stand was for their benefit.

    Respect to you my friend,

    Star Tiger

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Do slaves ususally command others to follow them without quetion?

    I absolutely LOVE that question.

    Related, when have a group of slaves ever formed a "Governing Body" that was to be obeyed?

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Hi Intel.

    The WT has got your family into a right mess.

    Remember that it is not a mess of your making. When your wife feels ill after talking about her religious beliefs it is not your fault for bringing up the crazy doctrines and faulty logic that the WT has implanted, illegitimately, in her head.

    I'm in slightly different position to you, as I was never baptised and don't have DF/DA issues. I introduced my wife to the cult and she took to it like a duck to water. I drifted out after 1975 failed, but was still under the influence so let her bring our kids up in the cult. When I finally realised it was a cult, I did what you did and told her why I thought that. Bad move. Like you, I forgot every warning sign the WT had taught her, and me. It didn't go well, but years later we are still together.

    What I have done now, is to make it clear that I want answers to certain questions and that she, and my other family members are welcome to answer them at any time. They are not welcome to trash my character before answering the questions as the questions are directly related to the supposed authority and selection of the Watchtower. I make it clear that if they want to claim the moral high ground, they have to earn it all over again, because they lost it when I found out that the Watchtower had lied to all of us and they have made that worse for themselves by trying to cover it up by denying, lying, character assassination and bullying.

    I never talk religion with any of them unless they bring it up. If they do bring it up, I quickly lead the conversation to one of the questions they haven't answered. I no longer 'tell' them anything they don't already know and that I can't quickly find in their own literature if they deny it. If they deny something, I show them their own literature and let them read it. They are welcome to discuss it, but they never do. It hasn't got any of them out of the cult, but they are reluctant to shove their religion and cultish behaviors in my face.

    Be gentle.

    Don't behave badly. Let them be the ones who get nasty, then make them feel guilty for it by asking an appropriate question. My question often uses a comparison to something they (or the WT) have said about members of a 'false' religion.

    Take your time.

    Don't do anything differently until you have a well thought out plan. Remember that your wife was listening to every warning that the WT ever gave you to identify opposers/apostates and work out how to get through to her without setting off the alarm bells.

    Good luck


  • baltar447



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