Sunday Drama-"Young Ones-Be Discreet and Wise"

by CaptainSchmideo 47 Replies latest jw friends

  • CaptainSchmideo

    I briefly touched on the drama in another post, but I felt I needed to share in greater detail this latest masterpiece.

    This was the drama on Sunday. The story alternates between the story of Joseph, son of Jacob, and a Witness kid (forgot his name;Billy? Timmy? Certainly not Jose' or TreVonn...).

    The account of Joseph shows him depressed, marking the anniversary of his dead mother, Rebekah. Jacob comes along to comfort and counsel him, and gives him his coat (but as a representation of "the coat of many colors", it was pretty much a dud. The props dept came up with something that looked like a poolside coverall, and pretty drab looking to boot). After Jacob leaves, his other sons come along and shove and kick Joe around, calling him names, and making him look like their b***ch. Apparently, Jacob's not much good as a parent or authority figure, because he never seems to be around to stop this crap.

    Okay, now we flip over to modern day, and "Timmy" is at the hall, contemplating turning in his Aux. Pioneer app. Two other teens come over and tease him, calling him a goody goody, and a "politician" for cozying up to the CO. They are also mad at him because he won't use his "connection" to get them tickets to that "R-Rated Vampire movie". A fourth teen, a sister to one of the tormentors, praises him wanting to be an aux. pio., but you can "tell" she's not as spiritual as Timmy, but not as "far gone" as "A-hole 1" and "A-hole 2" (okay, they didn't call them that, but they are my shorthand).

    Timmy is depressed, because his father has been dead for a little while, and he misses his guidance. And he doesn't like being picked on by the other Kids in the Hall (not the comedy group). His mother reminds him of what his father always said: "If you do things Jehovah's way, it always, always, always works out right, but if you don't, it never,never, never does!" (Grammar rule. Never, never, never use absolutes. Ever! ( ))

    Back to Joe, flashing forward MANY years later, and now Potiphar's wife is coming on to him. I have to admit, they went pretty subtle and seductive on this one. Think "Honey Horney" on Wayne's World 2 as an example. Anyway, Joe won't go for it, and runs, gets arrested, and jailed.

    Flash forward again many years, and now Joe is prison supervisor, interviewing a recently arrived addition. This guy freely admits to killing a slave, and when Joe says he himself is innocent of rape, the guys attitude is "yeah, right". When he realized that Joe is "that guy!" he tells him that Potiphar has a vendetta on him, and that Joe is never gonna get out of there. (I have to admit, this was one of the more entertaining scenes in the drama. Whoever wrote this seemed to be having some fun with it.) Joe starts to despair.

    Back to Timmy: Hot slut at school decides to nail Timmy (as a challenge. "No one can resist me!") Putting on her best "Dangerous Liaisons/Cruel Intentions" shake in her moneymaker, she tries to get Timbo into some "extracurricular activity" but Tim, in his best, cracking voice, says "Nuh uh!" and runs off, even leaving his textbooks behind!

    So, in revenge, Hot Slut posts a story of her sexual escapades with Tim on her blog. Sister "Not so bad", also a school mate of Tim's, confronts Hot Slut about her actions. "It's gone Viral!" she cries, but HS is a vengeful beyotch, and won't take it down. Now, a-hole 1 decides to make his move, and tells an ELDER about the posting, complete with hyperlink! That'll show ol' goody goody!

    Now, the dreaded visit from TWO ELDERS at Timmy's home. "Now, we're sure that you didn't do anything wrong, but where were you on the date that this person claims you were doing the nasty? She says you got it on after "Ghost Whisperer." (Okay, they don't specifically say the show, but I know I get pretty randy after an hour of Jennifer Love Hewitt...) Tim remembers that this was the weekend of the Circuit Assembly, and he was eating dinner with his Aunt, Uncle, and some other head Fred (the CO again? Can't remember). "Well, we still need to check this out, but we will let you know soon." So much for taking people at their word...

    Now, Tim is all depressed because he's been accused of something he didn't do, was set up by "a brother", and basically realized he has no friends. So, he goes and hangs himself he gets really down.

    Flashing back to Joseph, who now engages in occult practices before a pagan king to get a civil servant job where he has life and death powers over people. But, remember brothers, you shouldn't ever join the Police force or get involved in civic politics (unless our tax free status is threatened, of course.)

    Back to Tim-Good news! His story checks out! And Mom went and confronted Hot Slut's parents. Hot Slut breaks down and confesses everything, and is forced to post a retraction!

    Now, Tim doesn't want Ahole 1 to get in trouble with the elders! But, his Elder uncle reminds him that "it's not about getting in trouble with the Elders", but about getting help, and Ahole 1 needs to shown how to be more loving and caring. So, I'm sure it's six months of Political Re-education for Ahole 1.

    And remember, if you do things Jehovah's way, it ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS works out right, but if you don't, it NEVER, NEVER, NEVER does (as many victims of child molestation in the Hall will vouch for!)

    "So, Brother Tim, would you like to lead the Field Service group in prayer this morning?"

    "Sure, Brother...Uncle John!"

    Applause, tears, throwing up in the mouth a little. The End.

    Well, what do you think?

  • willyloman

    I'm sure your version would be far more entertaining than the actual drama at the convention. Maybe they should ask you to direct.

  • ziddina
    "....and a Witness kid (forgot his name;Billy? Timmy? Certainly not Jose' or TreVonn...)...."


    [inside joke....]

    Thanks for posting this! Please post anything else you noticed - reading this is better than actually going!!!


  • Iconoclast

    I think it will hit Broadway by August. Maybe they can do a little "Moulin Rouge" number with Potiphar's wife.

  • maninthemiddle

    Thanks for taking the time to type this up.

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    damn im sooooooo glad i dont have to sit thru that shyt anymore!

  • MrFreeze

    Have you seen the movie Easy A? I think thats where they got the idea for the blog thing. Except that was a video blog.

  • sd-7

    Seriously. Someone posts on the Internet that they got it on with this straight-arrow JW. How does that compare to Joseph again? He did JAIL TIME for a false accusation of rape. Only way there could be a similarity would be if the elders DF'd this guy because he couldn't prove that he was at home studying the Watchtower or whatever.

    I remember those days in school. I can only think of one girl who, through an intermediary, tried to get my phone number. I assumed that she was probably just playing a joke on me, but said no regardless. This was in the days when the Internet was very young, though, didn't end up on Facebook or something. But then I was a total nerd; maybe this JW is dangerously handsome. He'd probably have more to fear from sisters INSIDE the congregation than OUTSIDE, if he's following protocol.

    But it's just making me even more sick than this Camping crap in the news...I'm hoping a picture of the new Young People Ask book will "cheer" me up. And when I say 'cheer me up', I mean 'make me want to punch my computer screen'.


  • zoiks


    Nobody is your friend, not even in the congregation. Jehorganization is the only one you can trust, ever.

  • undercover

    Since when are elders police detectives? "Where were you the night of the alleged crime?" "We'll have to check you story...see if any witnesses can corroborate your alibi" "Good news, Timmy {as they unlock the handcuffs} you're story checks out. You were out of town the night of the crime" [actually the detective elders were crushed. No one to punish and make an example of]

    The same advice goes for when speaking to elders as when speaking to cops. Don't say a word without a lawyer present. Check that... best advise for speaking to elders: Don't.

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