SW~ He wasn't terrible when we were dating. He acted like he couldn't live without me. Said he loved me so much. Hell, he wasn't even terrible when we first got married. He wasn't great, but he wasn't horrible, either. No one put a gun to my head and forced me, no... I made a decision to marry him thinking it was the right thing to do. I had a nice worldly guy that was interested in me that I got along with better and had more in common with, but at the time I just wanted to please my mother and so I did what was expected of me. We thought that as long as we had "Jehovah" in our marriage, we'd be fine. I didn't wholeheartedly believe in the JW's, in fact I questioned a lot of times whether god really existed, but there were so many examples of married couples being able to get past their differences because they were both JW's and applied bible principles... so what could go wrong? We were both JW's, we were both very young, and both stupid. I have my flaws just like everyone else. I can be a bitch just like every other woman on the planet and I wasn't the perfect model JW wife, but I wasn't horrible, either. However, a lot of my issues stemmed from his lack of interest in me as his wife, his lack of affection, lack of attention, controlling behavior, etc. That, combined with a meddling bitch of a mother-in-law, and it was a recipe for disaster. I'm pretty headstrong and I don't take kindly to my husband bossing me around and telling me what I can and can't do, watch, read, listen to, and who I can and can't associate with. Add to that his denying me physical intimacy as well as my other physical needs, well... I started to hate him. And it showed. And the more it showed, the further the divide between us became until we were literally living separate lives in the same household. Strangers who occasionally screwed. Most people who know us both think that he was screwing around behind my back long before I did anything... They think that he was keeping in touch with his current wife throughout the last few years of our marriage. I don't know if it's true and I quit caring soon after he told me he was married again. As for revenge? Hardly. He isn't worth revenge. I actually loved the man I was with... It had nothing to do with revenge, it was that I loved him and wanted to be with him and didn't much give a shit about my ex anymore. A huge part of me wanted ties to him severed. I'm not proud of the way it all went down. If I could go back and do it all again, I would have just left him before anything started with someone else...I did apologize to him, many times. I really was sincerely sorry that it happened...in truth, I wasn't expecting it. I never thought I would cheat on my husband...I looked down on women who did. And then I became one of them. What most people don't get is that my ex wasn't hurt over my infidelity. He looked me right in the eye and said he wasn't hurt and didn't care. He was looking for a reason to divorce me. He wanted to be free of our marriage as much as I did. I really don't cry "woe is me" about this stuff. The OP asked why this happens, and I just gave my experience. And while people may not want to believe he was so bad, I could tell you things that would solidify the fact. Most people wonder how I lasted so long being married to him without killing myself...but the truth is, I almost did. It's taken me a few years to even trust anyone enough to really date seriously...things didn't work out with the guy I had an affair with (surprise surprise) so I've just been single up until late last year, just going on casual dates here and there. I had a lot of inner ork to do, and eventually I was able to forgive my ex for the things that happened in the past, and finally was able to forgive myself for the shitstorm I caused.
