Now my marriage vow is directly connected to remaining a witness...

by DavinciCodeBreaker 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  DavinciCodeBreaker

  I recently informed my wife of 25 years (the love of my life) that I just cannot go on any longer with this facade. She has known that I have developed a new consciousness for over a year and we have had some great discussions. I think deep down she agrees with most of what I say; however she just cannot face saying goodbye to everyone and making new friends and I understand that. After the meeting on Sunday i told her that I am going to begin my “phase out program”. I just can’t do this anymore. I said my conscience just will not allow it. I told her I would accompany her to the occasional Sunday meeting but the mid week meetings and the ministry were done. She freaked out to say the least! She then informed me that my marriage vow in particular “for better or for worse” would mean that I should continue my spiritual routine with her regardless of how I feel. We had an animated discussion for about two hours and she is adamant that my breaking away is tantamount to breaking my marriage vow! After the discussion ended I went for a bike ride to clear my head and came to the conclusion that if I told her instead that I had been cheating on her that this news would have been met with a more rational response than me wanting to leave the WT.

  I reminded her this morning that I would not be attending the mid-week meeting this week and she just looked at me with the “death stare”. I have never seen this look in her eyes before. Maybe I should just go along with this a while longer until I can convince her otherwise. I DO NOT want my marriage to be dissolved over this. If any of you can offer me some advice or suggestions; I am all ears.
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  sleepingbeauty

  Holy Cr*p !

  I would just start with cutting out the ministry, followed by the odd meeting, that way it would become less of a shock if you were to stop mid meetings altogether.... Anything done differently is going to seem extreme to her so you need to take things slowly....

  x
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  EntirelyPossible

  For better or worse is a two way street. It doesn't just mean for better for her.
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  laverite

  Remind her she married you for better or for worse. If the worst she has to endure with you is that you don't go to some meetings held by an organization that is a false prophet (and that has a 100% failure rate in its predictions) and that you finally want to stop preaching lies door to door then she is one lucky lady.
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  unshackled

  My JW marraige ended because I faded and eventually wanted nothing to do with the Dubs. We started to grow apart as she had her JW world and I had my own. She'd hang out with her JW friends which I wanted no part of it. There was pressures from her side of the family, who lived in the same town. Only occassionally would I hang out with them.

  We pretty much lived separate lives, despite living together. I couldn't stomach being part of it anymore. After a while the mix just didn't work. She would listen to why I didn't want the JW religion, but she was too afraid to leave with me. She needed her family and social network..everything she knew since birth. So ultimately, it was me who chose to end it. Looking back she was a wonderful person and we had a great relationship.

  It was a gut-wrenching time, but was my final break from the Org. I look back fondly on my time with her, but it was a neccessary step to take for both of us. We're both better off for it now. Both of us remarried.

  I'm not telling you this DaVinci as a suggested course for yourself. Just sharing my experience, and to say I understand what you're going through. Everyone is different, some can make it work, some not. I wish you the best. Navigate with your heart.
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  OnTheWayOut

  The JW mindset is so tough to overcome. Any logic you present is not met with contemplation typically.
  I agree with the above advice to remind her that she took the same "for better or worse" vows.

  Did you have a JW wedding with the JW vows? Here's what I see:

  • "I -- take you -- to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."
  • "I -- take you -- to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."

  
  The vows include loving and cherishing the other person and no "for better or worse" is mentioned. I can see a JW twist these words to say "We promised that we would live according to God's marital arrangement which includes [all the JW crap]." If she wants to pick apart what the vows mean, then just talk about how she is to deeply respect you and your decisions, and that you are living according to the marital arrangement part of your agreement- you are not cheating and you are allowing her to continue believing as she wants.
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  outlawwilly

  Entirely Possible hit it dead on. Those vows go 2 ways. It is to bad you are faced with this decision. I had to end my relationship with my family in order to move on. I know it is not quite the same as a marriage, but still. You have to remember that we only get one chance at life. Sooner or later YOU have to do what is right for YOU. If that means ending a marriage due to extradorinary circumstances beyond your control, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, as unpleasent as it may be. Leaving my ENTIRE family behind and everything I knew since birth was gut wrenching to say the least. However, that said, I am no longer wasting my one life in that cult or being forced to be someone I am not. Life is far to damn short for that tom foolery. Looking back now, I wish I just left straight out from the get go when I decided it was time to go. The slow fade just prolonged the agony. That is just my two pence. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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  palmtree67

  I think this is just her initial reaction.

  Once you start fading and she sees that life goes on......it will get easier for her.

  But I agree with maybe just eliminating service for now, and the odd meeting. To ease her into it.

  Good luck!

  Palm
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  the max

  I discussed this very point with a good friend today, he is in a similar posistion(sort off) to you , he is out and has been for 3 years, his wife her family et al, are in, our concensus was if they are happy who are we, to point out what we already know. If it going to make them happier, lets act, if it results in compromising their happiness, whats the point ? seems to me we have to approach this on a case by case basis. I have a friend who has at last found love and a degree hope with a JW, there is no way im going to point out what i know to him, whats the point ? ultimately, you believe one lot of shit or another, load of shit. If people are genuinely happy being JW,s , just leave them to it. live and let live.
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  itscrap&theyknowit!

  @DavinciCodeBreaker, I feel for you. I couldn't t take it anylonger either. Read my thread "Why I Eventually Left". What made you finally come to this conclusion?

  @UNSHACKELED - My marriage was like yours. We completely live 2 separate lives. I became so tired of the JW rhetoric when going out with them. I hated the hypocrisy. The husbands (all of whom were ministerial servants/elders) stayed in trouble. First of all, they were too young to be appointed and lived their lives as 'appointed demi-gods, who never suffered the consequences of their sins (until later dates). I hated hanging with the wives because they (being 17-25 year old brides) knew NOTHING ABOUT LIVING AND HAPPINESS AND RESPECT. What we were taught was to 'endure' our husbands sins (I forget what scripture supported it) and wait on Jehovah. I REFUSED after 14 years of marriage.

  My reasons for divorcing have simply come down to my husband trying to incriminate me with the opposite sex. Just stupid sh**! This is what the organization pushes for....if one mate stops attending the meetings they've simply committed adultery or some other crap. Instead, it's just simply, I've done a bunch of research in my adult years (I am now 40) and have come to find that THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH. I believe in Jehovah. I don't believe in THE WITNESSES.

  I'm now in the 20th year of being married to this JEHOVAH WITNESS DROID. Butnow, I HAVE TO TRULY divorce his stupid self just for PEACE OF MIND!!!! I can't close the bathroom door for privacy without the charge of somekind of impropriety. I only talk to him if it involvess the children or a bill that needs to be paid NOTHING ELSE!!! EVERYTHING is an argument. If I exhale, it turns into me cussing him out like a dog in the street. I nolonger have respect for him. My health has even changed from the stress of his being in the same room because he is soooo damn fake!

  In conclusion, he's been having a 'blow-job' affair with a female at his job for some time now. He THINKS I don't know. I just don't care. As long as it's not with me. But, he continues going to the meetings and taking the kids like he's soooooo forlorn. My family has even taken his side (behind my back, of course (cowards)). But, I shall put out ALL evidence soon. Just to show him how RELIGILOUS he and this absurd religion is.