Now my marriage vow is directly connected to remaining a witness...

by DavinciCodeBreaker 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • moshe
    But BEWARE! The WATCHTOWER has invented a doctrine of "spiritual endangerment" that they use to pry apart those whom God has yoked together. They will try to ruin your marriage. This is not going to be fun for either of you.


    That is the hachet doctrine the WT Society provided to my ex-JW wife back in 1988 after I left the org- the elders gave her all the support in the world , until the divorce was a done deal (a year later)- then the entire KH pulled the rug out from under her- damaged goods- she was a poor advertising for the faux happy Witness family that JWs use to sucker in the new converts.

  • Lozhasleft

    I dont think your marriage sounds over at all...that is just too defeatist and presumptive. It sounds to me as if she might gradually be gently led out...I would suggest that you make sure that you are very loving before and after meetings for a start, and as you develop more outside friends and interests include her as much as possible. If she is already seeing through the fog there is hope that she'll continue to see more and more. If she can picture a warm social life she will be more inclined to leave herself. Also...when you feel she might be that way inclined, talk to her about a clever fade for you both so that you dont lose family at least. Follow your conscience and let her see that its important for you to do that but dont give up on a good marriage...that would be too sad.

    Loz x

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    married 20 years and going through the same thing. i have expressed my disbelief in the watchtower for over a year and will still attend a few sunday meetings just to make her feel good but its very hard to stomach all the hate and lies. try to keep your negativity about the org in check if your concience will not allow you to go d to d then tell her why but dropping all the meetings and service at once is a huge shock to her. she has given you 25 or more years so if it takes a couple years to transition out then is that really unfair? i try to be a better man now and my wife notices it also if you can point to something in your life that has stumbled you then use it.

    my life has become a chess game i make a move then she counters and sometimes i wonder if i can stick it out but until she says i want out i will continue to try to open her eyes. i want her out with me.

    good luck to you

  • Scully

    When I was ready to quit the JWs, I had already tolerated over a year of psychological abuse by the Witnesses in our congregation. They excluded me from Field Service™ arrangements, they gossiped about me, they made up lies about me, they'd treat me like a DFd person by turning their backs to me when I'd walk up to them at the KH to say hello. Mr Scully had witnessed most of these incidents. When I told him that I wasn't going to go Door-to-Door™ anymore, I said that my conscience wouldn't permit me to try and invite unsuspecting people to join our congregation, knowing what a pit of vipers it had turned out to be. I told my parents the same thing - there was no way I was going to go to someone's door, and LIE TO THEM, tacitly conveying that the congregation I belonged to was a shining example of the love that Jesus promised would be evident among his true disciples.

    There were no further arguments, and within a few months, Mr Scully was ready to quit the JWs as well. He, too, realized that there was no love in that congregation, and every other congregation we had belonged to. Every time we moved (more than 10 times in the first 10 years of our marriage), it was the same story - it wasn't just a local anomaly.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    perhaps it may be good to ask her if she thinks that ending 25 years together over what you both think in your own heads is ok...

    where is the logic and love in saying ''your invisible friend is different to my invisible friend so we are over!''

    It may also be wise to start putting a packet together of all the WT articles demonstarting that she had no right nor reason to end it, esp if you do not oppose her activity.

    sucks man, all the best


  • beenthere26yr

    If anyone here has the answer to this they can PM me.

    My wife and I were married as Methodists. 5 years later after, just after the birth of our 3rd child the JW Cultists started a bible study with her while I worked to support a fine young family. This study was kept secret from me for 8 months until I just happend upon it one day as I had to go past the house on the way to a service call and noticed a strange car there. Looking back now after 31+ years of marriage it was though she was having an affair with another guy. It is the same thing. Her affair was with the WTBS Org and the elders of her congretation dictating how she should interact with her unbelieving spouse. It made me feel like crap to have a wonderful, beautiful wife who would only put on a dress and display herself for the wittness clan. Some will advise you to play the "headship" card but I can tell you that if there was such a card they wouldn't have kept the bible study a secret. I you do try to play that fictious card it wil only be trumped by the "obey god before man" card.

    I wish you the best my heart can offer in the struggle you confront. Do keep loving her whatever the outcome because that is the final defeat of satan.

    I am divorced now and she is remarried to a guy she drew into the wittnesses. I know that was her greatest desire with me. To draw me in. They preached it to her over and over that one day she might "save" me. When it didn't happen she grew more and more frustrated with our relationship. After our children were grown and gone she just devoted more and more of herself into the WTBS. Over the years I had tried everything, go to some meetings, go to all the meetings, to to assemblies and conventions; go to some, all or none. In my heart, nothing short of being a babtised wittness would be sufficient. In my heart I could not do that and be a fake.

    I sincerely hope she is happy today being a submissive wittness wife. I still love her with all my heart. It just so happens they are my next door neighbors. I do live with the satisfaction of knowing he is living in the house I bought and paid for; she cooks in a wonderful kitchen that I completely remodeled; they sit and eat at polished table built by my hands; sit on a couch I bought and paid for; and on and on.

    Keep the love you have and God wins. I rarely quote scriptures but I can tell you there is one in Matthew about how in the paradise to come there won't be husbands and wives. I believe in that paradise but I don't think it will be like the one that the WTBS portrays in their fine art.

    You probably feel differently but to me the WTBS is a destroyer. Most of the people are sincere and compassionate the head is part of satan.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Don't try to tell her anything about cult issues. They are trained not to listen. The only time a Dub wife hears anything is if you make a mistake, or leave her a loophole to leap through.

    Always ask them to back up anything shonky they say.

    e.g. Seeing as she made the claim, she needs to show you, from her cult litterature, or Bible, where a spouse leaving a church is breaking a marriage vow.

    Try to be the calm one.

    Tell her nothing except to get her to read relevant passages from her litterature to you and explain them.

    They claim to be honest, they claim to have the truth, they have to do the talking ..... you have to keep prompting them to talk themselves into a hole while you keep your big trap shut, because every time you open it they are looking for an excuse to trash you. Don't play their game. Always finish a culty conversation with them needing to go do some research to give to you to back up something they said. Never the other way around.

    It hasn't got my wife and family out of the bOrg, but it has got their religion out of my face. They don't like being re-asked the same few goddam questions they have been trying every slimey trick to weasel their way out of answering over and over again with accusations of guilt tossed in for trying to evade them.

    Good luck


  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Great advice Black Sheep. My partner did practically the same. He never made any put downs of my beliefs. Even though he had stopped coming to meetings with me, he always had a feasible excuse.

    But the one thing he did do, when ever we would discuss the bible was always question...his two favourites were the 144,000 and the annointed. He just used to keep saying he didn't get it (probably because he really didn't). But his refusal to blindly accept things, and not tell me what to do or think made me look myself. Partly to find out for myself....mostly to convince him...(very embarrassed about that).

    Anyway, my point is, be loving and stay interested and connected with her. You may not be interested in what they say through her. But you are intrested in her and keeping your marriage in tact. You will win with love towards her and not hatred towards their teachings.

  • nugget

    this is a tough one and she may have hoped that this disillusionment with the society would pass and things would return to normal. She is trying to force this by saying her vows are directly related to your faith. It is a panic reaction as she is now facing the fact that you are serious.

    I would remind her of what the vows meant to you, that she is the love of your life and no matter what you will always love her and hoped that she had the same depth of love for you. Remind her of happy times when you were married and things you have done and achieved together. Try to remain calm someone has to be the grown up here and remain rational. It is baby steps you are dealing with a paniced cult member so she will be irrational and the cult will speak for her.

    She may mellow, but there is also the possibility that she will become more hardline and hostile.

    But BEWARE! The WATCHTOWER has invented a doctrine of "spiritual endangerment" that they use to pry apart those whom God has yoked together.
    They will try to ruin your marriage. This is not going to be fun for either of you.....Nathan Natus

    There are a lot of marraiges that have suffered this fate..The bastards are relentless..

    They will show no mercy,they have sympathy for no one..

    Get ready for War..


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