July 2011 Awake, LMAO @ Cover

by Yan Bibiyan 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Intel
    Intel

    No, only the survivors get to have sex and children....the ressurected only get to watch...they will be pretty much pissed, because they are called back to life as eunuchs....

    Since they are, like Jesus said "like angels" they get the sexless part but cannot fly or do other awesome tricks that angels get to do...way to go god! Becoming one of the ressurrected ones is like someone told you that you won the fabulous prize of living in Bangladesh as one of the lower castes - FOREVER!

    A possible solution to this dilemma would be to "castrate" everybody and a Watchtower comes out saying that there is new brighter light, explaining this away (something like: the sexual organs where only a temporary solution under the covenant of law to fullfil the prophecy of Jeremiah that states that the former things are gone. Once the earth was filled with humans, so that Jesus could save the most of them, there was no more reason to multiply humans. You get to use your organs to pee into the light to create beautiful rainbows that remind you that god is good and you should be thankful to be able to relieve your bladder, because billions of other humans are dead and don't have this privilege anymore...

    I think, this is ready for press...

  • steve2
    steve2

    The buttons on the back of the little girls dress will be made by sad-sack apostates who will be employed as slave labor in offshore factories. Slaving away with no rights whatsoever, they will miss out on perpetual fine weather and flawless fruit; they will endlessly pine for cute little animals to love and cuddle.

  • iamwhoiam
    iamwhoiam

    bible cards...thats funny. I remember in the 80s when i was pre-teen...my mother and father made me throw away my baseball card collection because our CO gave a talk in our hall, saying that...collecting baseballs cards and other sports memorabilia is considered by Jehovah (governing body) a form of idolitry.

    but im glad for new light, because now we can collect bible cards. how do you like them apples mom? :p

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    Ah, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

    Youse guys are HILarious!!!

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