Temporarily tired of JW boyfriend. Should I: a) leave

by SEL 54 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Band on the Run

  Advice off the internet is not very reliable. Unless you are trying to voice your own feelings and instincts. Growing up a Witness, I was not entitled to opinions. Today, I tend to conduct public opinion polls even when my gut has already decided. Twelve Step groups believe in a God or Higher Power. Leave him to his Higher Power. Maybe his Higher Power will lead him out. Now is the time to walk out if you don't want the Witnesses. Nothing is going to magically happen if you don't do anything. Not deciding is a decision.

  Enough about him. What about you? What is your religion, if any? What are your hopes, dreams or ambitions? What are your values?
• 

  Knowsnothing

  Depends. How long have you been counseling him? If more than a year, option a)

  Also, you could always try putting an ultimatum. Just make sure his response is sincere, and not just to please you. If he really wants to learn to let go, give him the benefit of the doubt.
• 

  sabastious

  Advice off the internet is not very reliable.

  Advice from strangers is a "take it or leave it" kind of thing. Many people have been helped by taking anonymous advice for what it is and using their own experience to fill in the gaps. Whether the advice is reliable or not is not the question, but rather the question is what to do with it.

  -Sab
• 

  SEL

  As of now I'm still plowing ahead with this plan to get him out. But like yknot said, it's a time-consuming matter and sometimes I get frustrated and want to burn all the materials I have that relate to the Watchtower or cults.

  I don't want to get him out so that I can get myself a non-JW husband. I really do want to get him out for his own sake. The question I'm trying to answer is whether it's my duty to help someone I deeply care about, regardless of what our relationship is. If God were to offer me a deal where he leaves the organization but our relationship would be over, I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

  This guy works a part-time job to support himself as he devotes most of his time to the organization. His handful of non-JW friends apparently do not see a single problem with that.

  I really appreciate all of your responses. I suppose only desperate people turn to strangers for advice, but I'm hardly the first person to do so in the Dating & Relationships forum on this site!
• 

  Gayle

  If you can ask him to read the Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz asap, and nothing more, maybe there is hope. If he won't, leave asap possible, with as little debt as possible.
• 

  GLTirebiter

  IMO, the important questions are "Does he want to be out? Is he ready to get out?" If the answer is "no", then your efforts are likely to back-fire. Your best efforts to pull him out can do exactly the opposite, pushing him even further into their grasp. That is how the mind control tactics work, "persecution" is used to "prove" that the leaders really have "The Truth". If he thinks you are pushing him where he doesn't want to go, success is not likely.
• 

  moshe

  continue in my plan of eventually getting him out with Steve Hassan's help?

  How do you know it will stick? Many ex-JWs go back to the KH, because they lost friends and family and yearn to get those relationships back- at whatever cost. Cut your losses and quit this enterprise now. Look down the road to when the children arrive- do you want a husband who decides to take the little kids to KH meetings and get back to- "pure worship of Jehovah". Now you will have a real mess on your hands. If you say no, you are an opposer and your marriage will be headed for a divorce.

  The future danger is too great to even attempt to "save" someone from this cult, when you could marry a regular person who had never been in a cult. Just look at this like he was an alcoholic and he went on the wagon, because you got him to stop drinking- what are the odds that he would relapse? Are you willing to bet your life and future family's happiness that your boyfriend will never return to the KH and then make your life miserable?- goodbye holidays, goodbye non-JW friends- goodbye Saturday mornings ( gotta go in filed service to distribute WatchTower publications), etc ---
• 

  talesin

  go ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  there is no such thing as 'temporarily tired' of a lover

  sorry, sweetie, but omg, there are so many joyful ways to go and so much energy can be spent,,,,,

  life is TOO SHORT

  find someone you don't need to fix

  just my 2 -- experience, not advice

  xo

  tal
• 

  finallyfree!

  if this was already posted im sorry, im too lazy to read. lol :)

  just tell him you dont believe the wts is gods only chosen organization and that you are sending in your da letter. if he dumps and shuns you then good, he looks like the asshole he would be for doing such a thing. itd definitely be positive affirmation that he doesnt love you and you could move on with a clear conscience.

  on the flipside is that he really loves you and decides to really look into what you have come to see for yourself and you find your way out together, if you really love him then you will have scored. who said you cant have your cake on fine china and eat it too.
• 

  flipper

  SEL- If you're " tired of him for no reason " and you " love him, most of the time " - perhaps he's not the one for you. It will take a lot of effort through Hassan's methods and time & money if you hire Hassan himself to get your guy out of the cult. As Leaving WT said " there are lots of fish in the sea ". If you are having doubts it may be your intuition telling you to move on from your boyfriend. Since I left the Witnesses 7 years ago - I follow my intuition a lot more now. Good luck to you