At different stages of your life, what did you lack, that deprived you of fulfillment or completeness?

by miseryloveselders 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    Sure, I think everyone does.

    When I was a teenager, I didn't have really anyone I could confide in or that I was real close with. I recall attending DCs and CAs really hoping that I'd met other teenagers in the area that I could be friends with only to be disappointed as I once again had to watch the "cool" kids make plans without me. Of course, I was a geek and painfully shy and was probably simply overlooked. I know several of those folks today and it wasn't really them, it was me.

    When I was a little older, I really wanted a girl. My previous experience taught me that one wasn't going to fall into my lap. Still, it took several years and actually leaving my hometown before I was able to have a clean slate. I worked on reinventing myself since the super geek role wasn't working out too well for me. Of course, I was still a die hard JW and wouldn't dream of dating a "worldly" girl. I actually think being in the working world helped me tremendously grow from a social viewpoint. Lo and behold I found the love of my life and she brought me a sense of fulfillment (and still does). She rounds me out and showed me something that at one point I though was impossible; that I could be loved just for being me.

    Later, she spearheaded the efforts to start a family. I was a bit afraid because I was worried that I would fail as a father and let them down. But I took the leap and now realize that I was deprived of something so special that I can't imagine my life now without them. I learned that while there will likely be times that I'll let them down as an imperfect person will do; the only way I could truly let them down is by not showing them every day how much I love them.

    Of course, there are times that I thought I'd be fulfilled by reaching certain goals only to be dissatisfied. Those were things like moving up the corporate ladder (there's always a bigger job), moving up the corporate ladder at the KH (ms was only good for a few years then had to be an elder, then had to try and work hard to get on the service committee, be in circuit admin) or even things like graduating college (which I'm glad I did but I needed that just to pull even with everyone I work with). Obviously, discovering that JWs aren't the truth ripped away a sense that I thought was fulfilled that being that I was part of something bigger, doing God's work.

    Sorry for the rambling but your question really caused me to reflect on things that are truly important. We're social animals. We need a connection with others to feel complete. You may say God put it there or evolutionary forces pushed human society together but regardless the fact remains that we need unconditional love to feel complete, to feel human.

    What you're experiencing is normal. If you believe the Genesis account, even Adam who was perfect couldn't make it by himself. I think maybe your real issue isn't not having a significant other but the dilemma that no longer believing that the WTS is God's spokesman is causing. You don't want to go after a JW because its not fair to her. After all, she'd think she was bagging an super "spiritual man", an elder, but really be getting someone whose heart isn't in it which I'm certain will cause you eventually to "step down" and will lead to potential problems. On the other hand, you realize the issues that dating a "worldly" woman will cause, leading to at a minimum a disgraceful removal from the BOE and possible sanctions if you act like a normal person.

    That, my friend, is the source of your issue. You're in no mans land at the moment. In some ways, I envy your situation. Yes, leaving will cause issues with your parents. But you can fade with likely less damage as someone like me. Rebuilding over a religion is simply not something I deem worth doing given the stakes. Maybe that's the case with you as well, I don't know. Either way, until it's resolved, the connection that you want, that you need, will elude you.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I find life is a series of momentary feelings of completeness or satisfaction, especially after sex or a good meal or a great movie or when waking from a full sleep or something like that. I can get that feeling while sipping coffee and I used to get it when I was in my drinking days. The idea with those moments is that I am able to stop concerning myself with whatever I think I am lacking.

    I am not trying to be silly here. The rest of the time, I felt lacking in something all the way back to elementary school. I think I would have to go back to carefree early childhood to feel like that continuously.

    I suppose right before and after baptism in the cult, I felt complete and was able to put concerns out of my mind for a long time, but the JW's always put minor worries back onto you that make you feel incomplete. There's field recruiting time or that talk to give or that talk by another that makes you feel like you aren't living up to your obligations.

    I think my feelings of satisfaction last longer and longer as I get older. I can go from the great meal to the movie to the coffee to the sex to the sleep and keep thoughts of incompleteness out of my head.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    MLE - good question. I've just been thinking/talking about this w people I know. I'm gonna read posts and then comment.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    Well I'm back - I enjoyed everyone's comments and hope that the thread isn't dead just yet.

    For a long time I lacked the sense that I was loved unconditionally by my mother. Of course when you have parent issues that spills over into other relationships and decisions that you make. I've always had the gnawing feeling that being liked/loved was based on my performance. And of course with narcissistic parents and a controlling religion that is usually the case. I have only recently felt that there are people who love me for me. Even though we've exited, I maintain several of the relationships that are most important to me. So I know that I don't have to perform in order to be liked. Although the twinges of inadequacy prick me from time to time.

    Being a born-in I lacked confidence in my ability to make decisions and never developed my own standards for building a life. I've always felt and have been stuck psychologically. Kind of like an impersonator. I wonder often "will the authentic cult classic please step forward". I have suppressed so much of my impulsivity that to express an unplanned action is scary to me. I struggle with that regularly, although I perform well in most areas of life. This is a huge psychosis I would like resolved before I die and I think I will succeed because that problem stems from years of indoctrination that I'm working hard to correct.

    I'm always asking "What are people doing?" Of course everyone's pretty much just handling their business. So I've been asking, "What are you thinking and feeling?" I'm fascinated with the answers because the sense of feeling full comes from within.

    LWT wrote once -- "Live so that your death is a fulfillment." I would love to figure out what that means for me. I don't imagine I will do something great by the standards of others, but I do hope it means that I will do something that's me.

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    Oh well, colour me shallow if you will, but when I was a teen in the 70's

    I wanted so much, to have the perfect afro, and large bell bottoms like

    Pam Grier, even though I had my own 'fro, by the end of the day it would

    be lopsided and jacked up, I wanted my mom to get me an afro wig that

    I had seen in the magazine called the "Apollo" and I wanted bell bottoms

    so flared that they almost trip you up trynna walk in 'em. yep, I wanted

    to be as big, bad and bold as Pam Grier. I didn't get the wig, and my pants were

    no bigger than anyone elses. I felt deprived of what I thought I needed at that stage

    in my life, I guess a seventies party will have to do

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    LOL WasBlind... too funny

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    if i could get my wife out of this cult i truly believe my life would feel complete. our marriage is strong and we have amazing children and i have a good carrer, but the thought that she may decide someday i am a spiritual danger is keeping me from feeling complete. nothing is certain in this world, except death. i really hate this cult

  • jam
    jam

    Misery; I hope this is on the same line of thinking.

    Early stage in my life that would have given me fufillment.

    Both times beleive or not basketball, a passion for the game.

    A starter for my high school, played in the army and played

    simi-pro, so you see I love the game. Around 1971 I was ask

    to try out for the Lakers, but I was married one child and the

    players wasn,t making the kind of money they make today.

    A friend of mine played for the Lakers and he made under

    $20.000.00 A year, plus I just got baptize.

    The second time was when I served in Belize, I would work

    out with the Belize professional basketball team, they were about

    the same as A Jr. college team her in the US. But they ask me

    to join the team, of course I could not, being A JW.

    So in each case what if I had , even if I didn,t make the team

    It would have given me fulfillment

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut
    if i could get my wife out of this cult i truly believe my life would feel complete. our marriage is strong and we have amazing children and i have a good carrer, but the thought that she may decide someday i am a spiritual danger is keeping me from feeling complete. nothing is certain in this world, except death. i really hate this cult

    Take the "amazing children" out and I will change my answer to agree.

  • av8orntexas
    av8orntexas

    wasblind : SHEEBA !!!!!! MMMMMmmmmm,lol

    Myself. I think just recently I learned to be independent. I left a really good school. I was reaching out for the JW corporate ladder and trying to keep my life 'simple'.

    My mom was more than willing to let me live with her as long as stayed busy in Jehovahs work,but by doing that you become less self reliant. Rather than finish school, I was content to stay in one spot at work. I'm still at the same company,but fortunately I no longer view moving to a better position as being materialistic or something that will take away time from the kingdom hall.

    In short, though I am now on my own, take care of myself, etc. I feel this is something I should have been doing in my early 20's and I just turned 34. But I was content on keeping my life 'simple' Mainly school. I have about 51-52 credit hours and I left a really good school like a dummy.

    What really got me thinking about school again is a friend of mine ( I'm really not sure if he's in or not still ) on facebook had gone to Patterson back in the day. I noticed he had earned an B.A. in Marine Biology from a local university. My first thought was WOW so and so went to Bethel AND he got his degree ?

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit