Im a newbie, looking for courage to sever the ties with JWs...help?

by Pams girl 38 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Millions

  Glad to hear you have had proper help, from your first post it sounded like you were struggling with lots of things. Sounds like the JWs are your main problem currently then! Best thing is to be completely firm with them and send them packing, imo. Otherwise they will carry on bugging you, we've all done it ourselves. It's your call, but it's better to be very clear with them. They are fair-weather friends at best anyway, I doubt any of them will have anything to do with you once you cease to show any interest in the meetings, as sad as that is. I'm sure you will be able to find better social circles to mix in who won't be judgemental or controlling.

  And of course you can use the bible if you still want to, but you might want to try another translation to avoid the pro-witness feel of the New World Translation. And also just because you're allowed to use other bibles :)
• 

  Witness My Fury

  Welcome Paula. As you didnt get baptised you are all good and in the clear, if any decide to shun you that is their personal cult induced choice, but most wont do so as it is not a requirement as you didnt technically become a JW. If you do become obviously anti-witness then the rest may do so as well, but otherwise not.

  Be thankful you got off lightly...

  Read up here for the proof it's just another cult and based on false idea and suppositions right from the start. that doesnt mean EVERYTHING about them is wrong mind, but if C.T.Russel cant even get his chronology right that the whole thing is based around then it goes without saying it's not Gods organisaction like they keep saying they are. Otherwise you may doubt your decision like lots of JWs do when they leave many even still believing it is the "Truth". That just makes it much harder to deal with.

  Rasie your head up girl, you are the one who should be looking at them with pity or disdain, not the other way around. Knowledge is power, right?

  Yes memorial is coming and they want bums on seats to get the numbers up to record levels, so just be polite and say you cant make it, or you'd rather not. NO EXCUSES ARE REQUIRED! if they want a reason just say Sorry thats personal information. Be brave.
• 

  cantleave

  Hi Paula,

  Walk away, don't look back and continue rebuilding your life.

  ANGUS aka Cantleave
• 

  snowbird

  Welcome, Paula.

  Your story is heartbreaking, but you are free now!

  I advise you to never look back nor go back.

  You said:

  My mother was in intensive care dying, and I left her to attend the assembly (July 2009). God forgive me. I hope she does too.....Im so sorry mum.

  I, too, did and said some things to prove my loyalty to "Jehovah" that I deeply regret.

  We're both clear of that mishmash, so let's rejoice together!

  Peace and love to you.

  Syl
• 

  wasblind

  " They told me to pray for Jahs HS, but seeing as Im not better, they look at me with distain, like I havent tried hard enough "

  The best thing we can do is to pray for Jahs direction as we take the necessary steps to do what we need to do

  that's just pure lazy, just sittin' and waitin' on Jah. If A person has been blessed with a good brain and can move

  their feet, they need to get up and get whatever's needed done. Of course there are things in life that are over our heads and

  we do need to leave it in Gods hands. But other than that, folks need to put one foot in front of the other and get to steppin'

  And they jus kill me with that " God provides for the lilies in the fields"

  we ain't no darn lily, God gave us more than he gave to the lilies in the fields

  he gave us a brain to use and the ability to do for our selves.

  Paula, I'm so glad you are here with us
• 

  Pams girl

  THANK YOU ALL!!!

  I feel so much better already, like you really GET ME! Thanks for your help. Im feeling much lighter already! I feel like Im with people who I can be honest with, its such a relief, Ive lived with these feelings for so long.

  Cant wait to tell hubby later. Hes going to be so relieved at last! Poor man, Ive put him and my little boy through so much.

  Im so glad I didnt get Baptised now, and I was so close too. They wanted me to write to my local church where I was Christened 39 years ago, to get my name removed from the christening roll. "Get out of Babylon.."........I didnt do that either.

  Thinking about it, I just attended my mates mums funeral, a devout JW for 40 years. They all threw flowers into the coffin. Also, they left messages in with the flowers addressed to the deceased lady...isnt that communication with the dead? They were addressed to her after all?? SOOOO MANY questions.....................thanks for putting up with me today. Its the first day of the rest of my life maybe..............................xxxxx Paula x
• 

  nugget

  Welcome Pams girl, I am sorry that you have had such a bad experience it is hard when you go beyond the initial warmth and welcome and hit the brick wall of doctrine and judgement. During the initial phase you are encouraged to sever ties with so called worldly friends thus making you dependent on the witnesses. You are also expected to put the witnesses first always even over and above relatives. Don't be too hard on yourself you cannot take your actions back but at the time you were in a high control group you were not yourself. The fact that you feel badly shows that you know what was due your mother and you have learnt from it. If your mother could have wished for you to be free of their control your actions then have served a purpose and she would be so proud that you have broken free, she would have willingly made that sacrifice.

  In terms of issues with individuals, scratch any congregation and there is a festering underbelly of dirty little secrets. If you have left yourself then let this go. What they do and what they get up to is not relevant to your life and holding onto these things makes it hard for you to move past it and heal.

  You are in the rebuilding phase, what I suggest is get in touch with old friends and admit that you have been a total idiot and that you are sorry to have lost touch. Start making friends outside the organisation so that you are less dependent on their approval. See if there are any forums or support groups in your area to help with the agoraphobia and drinking. focus on dealing with the real issues in your life rather than JW constructed ones. For the sake of your family and yourself these are the things that need sorting. As you become grounded in a better life the witnesses will drift away. JWs are bad people to be around if you have issues of dependency since they promote feelings of guilt and worthlessness which feed addictions so this is a good time to break free.

  Don't beat yourself up you have a lot to do there won't be time for memorials or meetings.
• 

  wasblind

  " thanks for putting up with me today."

  Our pleasure,

  you just come on over anytime and pull up a chair
• 

  s0rt3d

  Hi Paula, and welcome. I too am sort of new here as a 'poster' but I have been reading and watching this site for a couple of years. Keep on visiting and reading and you'll find the help to build the courage you need to sever ties with the JWs - physically and mentally.

  Mistakes you've made in the past because of your association with the JWs can evoke bitter regret and pain but the good thing is that you've woken up and can freely walk away. For some time as I tried to exit I'd feel really bad, especially because I was well known by other JWs in our small community. Speculation gave rise to gossip and my self esteem went way low because I knew they were thinking and saying the worst things - including those I considered good friends. But then I realized that their opinion doesn't really count. What they think and how they treated me didn't determine who I was, the person that I am.

  It may not be easy to turn them away but in the moment you have to, steel yourself, think of your dear Mom, the beautiful cross from your hubby, the look on your boy's face when you told him Daddy wouldn't be on the new earth, and FIRMLY send them packing. You gave up too much already to tip toe around the JWs!

  At any rate, know that the folks here will be cheering you on as you move forward and away from this damaging religion!

  CONGRATULATIONS on waking up and reaching out for true freedom and happiness! That's truly cause for celebration!
• 

  whathappened

  Dear Paula,

  Walk away thankful that you narrowly missed the pitfall so many of us here have been in for decades. Find a new geat life for yourself. I envy your position. Make the most of it. Forgive yourself for leaving your mother. Remember Jesus said while dying on the torture stake, something along the line of "forgive them father for they do not know what they are doing." You would forgive your child. She would forgive you, her precious daughter.