Fallen out of love with Husband? (page 9)

bloominglotus

Tec I agree with you about having time to myself...and just to collect my thoughts. And we are definitely looking to get into therapy sessions for our anger.

FHN we have assaulted each other so Im not gonna act like Im the victim. Thank you so much for your advice! Making him feel attractive is something Im sure not only want but men as well....but I guess they just dont make it obvious that they need the attention.

bloominglotus

Iron Head I actually do feel like that person could be my husband. Gosh! Im sounding all bi-polar now.....the other day I was doubting my love for him and now those doubts are gone.

bloominglotus

Nugget thank you for your advice. Well, his mom really dont want to stay w/ us. She's very independent and all so Im guessing that's why she doesnt want to stay. But she will be staying until she finds a place. She already found a senior living ctr she wants to stay in and everything. Me and my husband have actually sat and talked about the situation. Even he knows how she can be and he was so glad that he moved out of her house. My husband just tries to reassure me to not think too negatively about the situation because most likely that negative mindset will turn into negative behavior between the both of us. He said to just look at it in another perspective. Its funny b/c he mentioned that the fact that she's staying with us now we have an in home babysitter for times we want to go out and have dates I mean after the kids go to bed we watch movies together but thats really the only time we spend together just me and him. To be honest we havent really done anything together for almost 2 yrs now. So i guess its a blessing in disguise....to try to rekindle our marriage.

Now his bro is whole notha story...SHEESH like he is damn near 27 and his mama still baby him...he's very irresponsible and immature.... And he's very flip at the lip too! My husband said that ever since they were young his parents would baby him meanwhile him being the oldest has to do everything.. So now this same behavior has contd until his adulthood... he just found a lil job at Walmart and that wouldnt of happened if it wasnt for my hubz trying to keep him focus on his agenda...and that was finding a job. Him staying w/ us is DEFINITELY not a long term thing. For now he doesnt want to go to college he's a type of person thats into getting rich quick schemes instead of working his behind off for what he wants. My hubz tell him like it is and try to guide on the right path but he thinks he knows everything. And there comes his mom babying his lil bro telling him to not be so hard on him. But I feel like "YOU aint being hard on him enough and THATS the problem!" UUGH

bloominglotus

Robdar to be honest I really dont think Im being THAT hard on him. When he doesnt shave he looks like a bum. Now if he grew a beard and it was WELL GROOMED thats cool...but he's starting to have the whole bummy look. Like he really dont give a damn what others think,even his wife. When he does shave which is every blue moon....I tell him " Well finally I can see that handsome face of yours!" and give him a big ol kiss...then it'll be another bluemoon until he shaves again. Oh yeah he may shave if my parents come to visit but other than that,nada.

Also I dont read any of those magazines or anything related to it. I agree that it does give an unrealistic and fantasized way to look at a mate. My thing is if a mate in the beginning of the relationship did certain things to impress u why does it now seem that Im no longer desirable to do such things anymore. Well thats how I look at it least because most men try to impress women who they DESIRE to be with. BUt like I stated before there could underlying reasons as to this change. My guess is depression....

I push his buttons because I have issues myself....I have anger issues.... and for some reason the people we love we tend to try to hurt the most. We have BOTH done this to each other so I guess we both are guilty of emot'l abuse. Also if I want to get other's opinions and experiences on dealing with this issue thats of MY concern and discretion. Besides a marriage counselor is just as much of a stranger to me than the people on this forum. So at the end of the day Im a be talking to a complete stranger....

bloominglotus

We can try to front all we want to but at the end of the day the FIRST thing that attracted us to that person was not their personality but LOOKS. I mean there's nothing wrong with that and its certainly not superficial.

Violia

If he is not keeping himself up it is could be depression. Women do the same thing- let their looks slip b/c they are depressed. Perhaps a trip to the doc and a trial on antidepressants or therapy might help. Maybe he will tell the therapist what is bugging him.

We all age and looks always fade, some sooner than later. I did not marry a balding 60+ guy, but that is what happened. You will not be in your 20's all your life and may not always look like you do now. You may hope that someone loves you enough to hang in there with you, you know, for better or worse.

Robdar

Well Lotus, it's your thang, do what you wanna do. Just remember any free advice you receive here is worth exactly what you paid for it, NOTHING. Sure, a therapist is a stranger too but s/he is trained to help you work through your marital problems. Therapy isn't too expensive and your health insurance should cover office visits.

You mentioned you are feeling bipolar because now you are all lovey dovey towards your husband when last night you were pissing and moaning about how horrible he was and how you wondered if you truly love him. I think you made a good self diagnosis because your moods seem to swing or cycle quickly. It wouldn't hurt to maybe talk to a psychologist about possible bi-polar disorder and, of course, your anger issues.

Best of luck to you.

BTW, I was first attracted to my husband because of his brilliant mind and the fact he was a radical. I lucked out because he is very nice looking (with a neatly trimmed beard). Oh, and he is as sweet as pumpkin pie. So, I don't agree with your statement that all of us are first attracted by looks.

Robdar

Brava Violia! Brava!!!

bloominglotus

Viola I understand that with age comes change in physical appearance some things are hormonally induced. Those type of things I understand and I understand I will not always look the same way either. But should grooming habits cease to exist as u get older as well? He does not like taking anti depressants due to the side effects such as suicide and erectile dysfunction. Thats why I really want to help him out and come up with an all natural herbal blend to help him with his depression...to help with OUR depression...

Fallen out of love with Husband?

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