You define how you want to be treated and when you wish or don't wish to engage them. Funny thing about phones, texting, email....ect...we can control when we want to use them or not.
I agree. I already screen her calls. I told her that too. I told her that when I see her on the caller ID, I heave a heavy sigh, and ask myself if I can deal with this today. I don't want to just cut all ties to her. I don't think that she is a bad person underneath all that sickness and dysfunction.
JW's are in fact doing the same thing in their minds..Shunning =eliminating toxic people (non JW's) from their lives.. throw them away so to speak..
I don't agree that this is the same type of situation. JWs shun because they are told to and because the d/f'd person is perceived as a threat to the spirituality of the congo. I feel it is totally within my rights to put some limits on her behavior because our relationship as it is now is actually harmful to me. There wasn't anything I could do as a child about the things I had to endure. As an adult, I am able to protect myself. I don't intend to shun my mother. What I have done is set some boundaries. It is up to her whether or not we have a relationship. Like I told her, if she calls me on the phone and starts preaching at me, I'm hanging up. I refuse to continue to be this captive audience for her.
I do not intend to wallow in the misery of the past. I have done what my therapist suggested to me a long time ago and confronted my parents about what they did to me and how it affected me. I believe that if I am to truly make progress, I have to address people in my life who were/are abusive. If they want to have a relationship with me, they will have to change their abusive ways. My father has decided by his actions that he does not want a relationship with me. He is cut out of my life. As in, if we happen to be in the same room, we may or may not speak to each other, I address him by his first name, if he should fall on hard times he will SOL if he has no where else to go.
My feelings toward my mother are different. She's ill, but she has good qualities. No matter what happens, I'll make sure she has a roof over her head and is cared for. As far as a mother/daughter relationship, like I said earlier, it's up to her. My hope is that finally getting all of my feelings out into the open will prompt her to want to change.
And I do not want anyone to think this is because I am sick of annoying phone calls. The reality is that I have had depression in degree or another since I was around 12, not that anyone in my family acknowledged it. With all the problems growing with most having to do with my JW father's abandonment, she never gave emotional support, or considered how that must have effected us. She pushed religion. My depression carried over into adulthood, and for a few years I was barely functional. She did nothing to help me. She was always ready with admonishment to go to the meetings, and pray to jehovah though.
So at this point in my life, I am an adult who cannot remember what it is like to live without depression, I've spent my life in a cult so I have to find out what my non-cult, not depressed personality is. So yes, there will be painful conversations, and probably more ultimatums. I don't feel that it's wrong to tell the ones in your life who are causing you pain to make some changes (at least make efforts) if they want a relationship. And I don't see anything wrong with cutting a person off who's in your circle and doesn't have your best interests at heart. I'm not talking about people who are annoying, crazy, people who disagree with you (even about politics and religion). That's the least you can ask of a person like a family member or friend is that they care about you, and show it.
I thank you all for letting me vent. And I really appreciate all of you alls input, even the ones I don't totally agree with.