Toxic Relationships

by serenitynow! 57 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  satinka

  Hi Serenity Now,

  Thanks for sharing your story. Glad to hear you are on a growth path. You may notice that as you grow, your relationship with your mother will change. If your mother fears growth (sounds like she does), then you will naturally experience resistance. But, if you are determined to keep growing, nothing will be able to stop you.

  I am sorry to hear that your mother has so few feelings (like never being able to cry). That's harsh. But then she believes in a harsh punishing god, too ... so why would it surprise me?

  None of us have to end up like our mothers...Keep up the great work! I'm cheering for you!

  As always, great comments, Lady Lee! I value your wisdom...

  satinka
• 

  nugget

  It was a hard thing to do and I hope she hears you. Unfortunately trying to change the pattern of a lifetime in one call is a big ask and almost impossible to achieve. From your perspective just being able to put your frustration into words helps and means that the line in the sand has been drawn. If she calls again you can refer back to this conversation and this stand as the benchmark and try to get the conversation back on track. If she doesn't call, remember it is her decision she has choices.
• 

  cyberjesus

  ill adopt u... but i have no wife so u ll b with a single father
• 

  Amelia Ashton

  Toxic relationships don't have an easy answer. If you stopped speaking to her how much would you miss her or would it be a relief? Perhaps distancing yourself for a while might help. As a child I used to dream that I was accidently swapped at birth and my real and loving mother would find me and rescue me from the total bitch masquerading as my mother.

  I eventually made a conscious decision to cut her out of my life and my children's lives after confronting her about her treatment of me whilst I was growing up.

  That was 15 years ago. It still hurts so much but I think it was the right decision. I still yearn for a proper Mum that loves me and I am 51 now.

  My advise would be, don't make an irreversable or hasty decision that you may regret but know that possibly she may always cause you pain whether she is in or out or your life, its just which will be the easier for you to live with. Hugs and kisses to you.
• 

  TotallyADD

  I recommend getting the Book "Toxic Parents" it was a real eye opener for me and my wife. It really help us alot in dealing with my mother. Totally ADD
• 

  SixofNine

  I wonder if you realize that in describing your mother you have given a description of a person with a severe personality disorder?
• 

  mrsjones5

  I have a book to suggest. I picked it up when I was not talking to my parents (especially my mother) at all. It's called 'When You And Your Mother Can't Be Friends'. I think it has a lot of practical advice and descibes types of mothers and types daughters fall into to cope with their mothers. I also found an article on the book online, here's the opening paragraph:

  In her well-researched study freelance journalist Secunda draws on 100 interviews with grown daughters in which they describe early painful relationships with their mothers, protracted in their adult emotional lives and memories. To help repair the damage done to the psyches of daughters whose mothers are characterized as, for instance, the Avenger, the Doormat, the Smotherer, the author suggests a measure of separation from the mother - "divorce" if need be - designed to rid the daughter of guilt, restore her self-esteem and prepare her for her own motherhood. Secunda advises daughters to forgive their fallible mothers, "who did the best they could," and attempt a balance based on generosity and self-preservation.

  http://www.enotalone.com/article/20271.html

  My mother is the Avenger.

  I feel your pain Serenity
• 

  hoser

  she wants to talk the bible talk the bible!

  play her game better than she plays it

  If your mam wants to talk endlessly about the bible find a few unexplainable obscure scriptures preferably about gossip or meddling in others affairs, take control of the conversation and even better find a sentance or paragraph in a watchtower article to back you up clearly showing her actions to be unscriptural.

  that should shut her up for a while
• 

  mamalove

  I am so sorry, that sounds awful. I don't know what is worse, having a parent not talk to you, or having to endure hideous conversations that are so draining you just want to cry afterwards.

  I hope your mom can think about this and change. The ups and downs of life sure are challenging to say the least and I hope you enjoy this beautiful day and can get some happiness out of it.
• 

  yourmomma

  i second totallyadd's suggestion, the book Toxic Parents was excellent