elders would like a talk with me

by varian 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • yourmomma

    yeah, what leavingwt said. i personally have a zero contact policy, meaning if they call, come to the door, or whatever, i ignore and do not answer....ever.

    i also reverse shun in stores, and pretend that i never see them.

    now, of course, they can still df me, cause they can do whatever they want, even though i have not broken any jw rules. however you increase that chance if you acknowledge any type of authority they try to have over you.

    and they have zero. you give them the authority they desire by playing by their rules.

  • Hairyhegoat

    Don't meet them they have a hidden ajenda. Cancel the whole thing and never answer their calls again, and if poss move house asap


  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    When they ask to arrange a date for the encouraging visit, suggest about 2 years ago.

    Because if they really cared, they would have helped you when you could have used their help.

    Now, you don't need their help. And if they really want to chat, they can chat with each other.

  • sinis

    Hey, Billy. I like your first statement. I could have used that years ago before I faded... it's so true though. When a person really needs help they never show up, or they rip you a new ass (not something a person wants to happen, especially if under a lot of stress from other things in life). That whole sheparding thing is bullshit!

  • undercover

    I agree with several of the others... if you're not interested in going back or being harassed, do not talk to them.

    Why is it that when anyone does visit someone from the khall it's always in their dress clothes? Because they are out in service and can still keep the meter ticking when dropping in on someone. If they are dressed in street clothes, why that would be a waste of time, uncountable time.

    I remember a friend dropping by one Saturday morning. I had known this guy for probably 20 years. He married a child hood friend. We had had some good times together over the years though I had kind of lost touch with him as I faded into obscurity. He said he was in the neighborhood and just thought he'd stop by and pay a visit. We talked about certain people and our jobs and our parents...all the small talk you have with someone you bump into at the mall.

    Typical scenerio of someone taking the time to look up an old friend, right? Nope. This old friend was an elder in my last congregation. He was working a couple of streets over and decided he would use the oppurtunity to come by and 'encourage' me. He was dressed in his suit. He was carrying his bookbag. This was not two old friends catching up. This was an elder on a recon mission. He feigned glad tidings in order to get inside and feel me out. For those of you uninitiated in this experience, make sure to keep them on the porch or in the entry of the house. Don't invite them in, sit them down and offer coffee. No no no... And don't answer questions. I was able to keep this guy off balance by talking about any and everything not related to the KH. We knew so many of the same people by the time he left, I was up to date on all the whereabouts of old friends but he never got a question in about my situation and if I wanted/needed help.

    After that I thought about just showing up at his house one evening right after work. Inconvenient for him, since he would be getting ready for a meeting or dinner...but hey, I'm in the neighborhood, why not? If he thought so much of me to stop by my house, why, I should return the favor one day and visit him. Good times we'd have, I'm sure...

  • awaken2004

    Excellent response Billy! I love it!

    Varian, are you open to becoming an active witness again? If not, I would do exactly what Billy the Ex-bethelite suggests.

    I would say it in a very sweet tone too.

  • AudeSapere

    If you *do* decide to meet with him/them, I would strongly encourage you to not attack doctrine or admit *ANY* activity that they would consider questionable as they will likely use that information against you and take judicial action. Don't engage them in any topic/subject.

    Admit nothing but feeling discouraged by the complete lack of love shown withing the congregation.

    If they say 'imperfect' people. Call them on that bs line. If nothing else, members of a loving organization group will reach out to a member when they take ill. Send a card, bring soup, offer a ride home. Something.

    Discouragement and depression without elaborating on any specifics seem to be the only acceptable 'excuses' for not attending meetings. Well, not really acceptable, but mildly tolerated.

    Admit *nothing* about beliefs or actions or friendships or affiliations or relationships, if you want to avoid the DF or DA label.

    Please come back and tell us how the meeting or conversation goes.


  • OnTheWayOut

    There's really nothing to gain by talking with them. Some who are already DF'ed or DA'ed will have nothing to lose either, so no biggie for them. But in my case, as well as my advice for you, I simply said "No thank you." Nothing more.

    By the way, how's your health now? If you are up to it, tell us how the last year as a JW in their cong. screwed you up. If you are not up to it, that's cool. Thanks for sharing.

  • Razziel

    Having a shepherding call isn't necessarily a death sentence particularly if there isn't some specific wrongdoing they want to meet with you about. If you are just fading away with lack of meeting attendance or field service, meeting with them and keeping your mouth closed could actually work in your favor.

    The most important thing is keeping your mouth shut. Don't express doubts or bring up past wrongs which will give them ammunition and will turn them against you. You say the PO is a nice guy. Come across as a nice guy too and just non-commitally accept what they have to say. Talk about football or something secular you know he likes. Do not make any firm commitments if they want to pick you up for a meeting or service. Mention your health problems and say it is day-to-day, that way you can cancel on anything later.

    Eventually they'll stop bothering you, particularly if you don't make any waves. If you do make any waves, chances are, somebody will take offense and make it their personal goal to get you DF'd.

  • AudeSapere
    Billy the ex-Bethelite wrote: When they ask to arrange a date for the encouraging visit, suggest about 2 years ago.
    Because if they really cared, they would have helped you when you could have used their help.
    Now, you don't need their help. And if they really want to chat, they can chat with each other.


Share this