Kristi, how old are you?
Trying to Deal with MY Parental Guilt
FHN That difference between guilt and regret is good. Excellent in fact
My daughters are both grown and neither have any intention of going back to the cult. They both recognize that it is a cult. So I'm not afraid of them going back.
I have apologized to them for the things I did. They probably don't fully understand it all but the apology is there and they both know if they ever DO want to talk about it I am open and won't stick my head in the sands of denial.
Now OUTLAW That is a very good saying.
It definitely sounds like my stuck place is the guilt which was a real problem for me for most of my life. I could sit on a bus and hear two strangers talking about something I never heard of and would feel guilty. Thank goodness I'm not that bad anymore.
I'll go take a look at that link that FHN posted
FHN, Hi , I'm 39, a young 39, but I've been through things. I have 3 children, my oldest is 11. I'm not trying to be an asshole..My oldest daughter has had to deal with her mother being a drunk, I didn't know at the time what my aparent "disease" was doing to my child , but I know now.. Once I became aware, it became
my responsibilty.. I can't say "sorry, wish I woulda know better" , I didn't, she had to deal with it.. It's my job to make it right...
Thank you everyone for your thoughts. Gives me some things to think about.
The link also linked to a page of for-giving myself for those mistakes. And that is very different from having them forgive me.
Kristi, when your kids are grown, you can apologize. You cannot change what happened. For them to continue to hold it against you and hold it over your head does not help them take responsibility for their own lives. It sets them up to play vicitm. To be a constant victim is to diminish your own power to make a good life. We can only blame our parents for so much.
Also, Kristi, your kids are still kids. You can do something to help them now.
Kristy, I know you mean that in a helpful way, but really, I don't think you really understand her situation. She has said she's sorry to her kids, there is nothing more you can do. That IS owning it. Still, you wish you could unring the watchtower bell. I have the same kind of regret with my adult children. It is amazing that I taught them a religion which will now require they shun me. Ironic.
You're the parent, they think you know everything
Most kids get past this when they turn 15 lol
That is true, Lady Lee. They hit 14 or 15 and they know more than God. And it matters not that you told them that day would come.
if the only scarring this religion has left on your children is building a survival shelter in her basement then i think you are fortunate.maybe you can take comfort that you have helped free your children from a life that would have been much worse.
i struggle with my believeing wife over how far i let her ingraine my children in this cult and it is very tiresome.