Trying to Deal with MY Parental Guilt

by Lady Lee 60 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Lady Lee

  This is so hard for me.

  My daughters don't want to talk about it. They don't want to hear about the JWs from their father. And they don't want to hear about the JWs from me.

  They don't want to talk about it period.

  They both seem to think I am stuck because I do talk about it.

  The problem is partly that I can see just how stuck they are, especially the younger one who continues to fear Armageddon is coming and has survival kits ready in her basement for when it comes - She showed me. This is very real for her.

  Because she doesn't want to talk about how her earliest books were all about Armageddon and the world being destroyed and how people will be attacking one another just to survive, she can't see the connection to what she is doing today and how she feels about things.

  The older daughter is very much like I was - deal with whatever present crisis is in front of you and move on. Don't stop to think about how it has affected you or will continue to affect you when the next crisis shows up.

  And I feel guilty.

  Guilty that I taught them this crap to begin with.

  Guilty that I can't get them to hear me out.

  Guilty because I can't explain to them why they really need to talk about it

  (yea I know I don't have control over the last two)

  They say sometimes the most messed up kids are the children of therapists. OK guilty there too.

  I just have to sit back and wait for them to come to me.

  I have to remind myself that they are out and free to do what they want with their lives.

  The accusation that I am stuck hmmmm I needed to sit down and think about it. If I am stuck then how?

  It doesn't consume me. I have many other interests. I'm not out there doing crazy things or jumping on every I-hate-the-WTS bandwagon.

  My way of dealing with the past has always been to find a way to turn the negatives into positives. One way I do that is to share what I have learned and my recovery path with others, supporting them as best as I can. I did that with the other forms of abuse in my life. I now do it with the spiritual abuse aspects.

  But this guilt thing keeps pushing me to make little comments to them about things I am doing in the hopes that something might trigger a conversation. It's not working. And that just adds on the guilt.

  This one isn't easy to deal with.
• 

  Satanus

  'I just have to sit back and wait for them to come to me.'

  Yup. Talk about anything BUT. If they come to trust you in other areas, they will likely trust you enough to talk about jw stuff.

  S

  Ps, my jw dad was always abusive. Then, he got dffed. As a jw, i didn't talk to him, much. He always said how he wanted to talk w us, his kids. When i left the jws and finally reconciled w him, he FINALLY got his chance to spend time w me to TALK about things. It went fairly lightly, then i brought up an abuse he did, once. He denied it and got rid of me, forthwith, the next day. End of talk. He died a yr or 2 later. My point? Take what you will from it.
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  Ding

  You thought you were bringing them up in the truth.

  When you found out it wasn't the truth, you told them.

  You're doing your best to help them work through it.

  Stop beating on yourself.
• 

  thetrueone

  Your feelings of guilt are understandable Lady Lee, I think every parent that leaves the WTS regrets having put their children through all of that.

  We were all young and naive to what was being taught us and we carried ourselves on that knowledge.

  All you can do now is apologize to your children and try and make amends, they will know that it comes directly from your heart .
• 

  designs

  Lady Lee-

  How old are your daughters. An interesting experiment with drawing pictures had very revealing results to all who participated. It was in the late 60s at a large Witness Party in the LA area. We were all asked to draw anything we wanted, kind of a free conscious type of thing, nearly all of the drawings turned in depicted Armageddon do you think we were just a little brainwashed by the constant chatter from the GB. Well some began there fade after seeing what the collection from a bunch of teenagers produced.

  Just saying, you never know where the wake up moment will come from but it will come.
• 

  OUTLAW

  

  ....................... ...OUTLAW
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  wasblind

  " I have to remind myself that they are out and free to do what they want with their lives."

  I'm sure you have contributed to them being out, and having the freedom to do what they want with their lives.

  give yourself credit for that, even if they decide to return to this organization, remember you gave them a

  way out. You did the best you knew how to do, by giving them a way out
• 

  KristiKay

  Regardless of what you've been through, you are absolutely responsible for protecting your children from this idiocracy..Period, You have to make it

  up to them....
• 

  OUTLAW

  Regardless of what you've been through,

  you are absolutely responsible for protecting your children from this idiocracy..Period

  You have to make it up to them.....KristyKay

  "Thats not possible until they are ready"..

  Until your a Parent with Adult Children..

  You will never fully grasp that statement..

  ....................... ...OUTLAW
• 

  Satanus

  I guess, what i'm saying is, when they finally do confide in you, you never know what to expect.

  S