Claustrophobic. That's the simplest way for me to express how I feel in the WT org. Like many here, my eyes were slowly opened over the years as I did more earnest research, trying to reconcile some long standing spiritual quandaries. In the beginning, I had no goals of proving the WT wrong. It happened naturally as I did what JWs are encouraged to do: test and see that these things are good. As my understanding of doctrinal issues and orgizational history became clearer, the less attached to the org I became. The less attached I became, the easier it was for me to question my long held beliefs. My journey has been equally enthralling and heartbreaking; but totally worth it. I don't know it all. I'm not angry. I'm just a human in search of truth. I'll go where real truth leads me.
I'm in the org deep and have no current manner of leaving, lest I cause a lot of damage to those I love the most in life. I'm dealing with the situation as positively as I can and have been able to use the Society's own tactics/materials (that JWs are supposed to use to convert non-believers) in an attempt to make others really consider what they think they know. I don't want to demolish anyone's belief system, especially if it provides them comfort and structure. Teachers of "truth" should be refreshing, uplifting, and invaluable; not dogmatic, oppressive, and unflinching. There are very few absolute truths in the realm of spirituality and metaphysics. Therefore, when I see that narrow-minded WT teachings are causing people to be confused, overwhelmed, burdened, unrefreshed, and unenlightened - I feel obligated to plant seeds that hopefully will take root somewhere down the line. So far, there have been small, incremental results.
I would love to see reform within the org; but I don't see it coming anytime soon. Rather the situation seems to be reverting to a more authoritarian/less Christ-like environment. I have been lurking here for almost two years. The recent KM school pushed me to finally become a forum member. There is strength in numbers. There is hope gained from hearing that you are not alone in your struggle. Many of the brothers and sisters have cautiously shared with me the same concerns that a lot of you voice on this forum every day. As you post, please remember that there are possibly thousands of curious, doubting, concerned friends who sneak onto to this website in search of something. Show them they are not alone. Show them they are not dependent on any man-made religious entity. Show them that love, goodness, and compassion exist an more places that they may have ever known. Don't scare them away. Give them a reason to return.
Here we go...