One thing I wanted to say.
I could feel attacked on this site by believers just as you perport you are being attacked by non-believers. I have been told I am going to be judged (and whatever goes along with being on the short side of the judgement) by God by you and others on this site. How do you think that makes me feel?
I am an emotional guy and I really think about things, sometimes too much. I think about people's view of me, and it tears me up sometimes to know that some people on this planet feel I deserve death. Sure, maybe they wont outright say it, but I know based on how they talk that behind closed doors that's what they believe is going to happen to me.
I also think about people's opinion on me that don't even know me. I think about extreme Muslims sometimes and how some would kill me at the drop of a hat with no regard to the life I think is so sacred. They would kill my son, they would kill my wife and that can sometimes get me worked up.
But do I retaliate? Sometimes I do, but everytime I do I take a good look in the mirror and I ask myself what kind of control I have on this planet. I can't control how people think of me, so why let it get to me to the point of altering things in my life so that I don't end up face to face with the negativity of it all.
I think you made a mistake leaving in the first place, and your making another one right now.
You are trying to run from yourself. This forum is not the entity that has made you feel so shitty, it's not the people it is you. Whenever I feel down I want to point at other things around me, when 100% of the time I am feeling down because I chose to feel down for whatever reason. And I can choose to not feel down, but it takes work and enlightenment to really understand our part in this world.