never ever.. even though I often made myself believe god listen, cared and helped
Have you ever seen/felt/known God's power in YOUR life?
You are an inspiration. I was molested several times in my youth and gang molested by a group of JW Servants.
Phoenix rising from the ashes, well done.
HOPE YOU HAVE A BOOK COMING OUT HOW TO SURVIVE ABUSE for folks --- i'd race to buy it. do you have any INFO available?
Well one of these days I will get my autobiography finished. The first part is here on the site Healing Words - My Biography - Intro & Chapter 1. Maybe this year I will try to get it finished and published.
LITS, Loz, designs
I don't think it is difficult to understand why a "loving" God never heard our prayers or helped us. I didn't have loving parents but I couldn't imagine a loving parent allowing their children to go through what we did. There has actually been some research done on how abuse impacts the way a child victim percieves God. I wrote a paper for a course I took on Death and Dying about it.
- Traumatic Child Sexual Abuse, Psychological Death and the Reduction in the Belief in the Power of God
In it I state:
Russell states that child sexual abuse may be very disillusioning for the victim. After such an experience it may be difficult for a victim to "accept the notion of a just and loving God" (p.120).
According to Dr. Judith Herman (1992) traumatized people "lose their trust in themselves, in other people, and in God." She states that in situations of terror people "cry out for their mothers and for God. When this cry is not answered, the sense of basic trust is shattered." (p. 52, 56). Incest survivors interviewed about their belief in a God who could protect them, confirm this loss of trust.
Personally whether I believed or not seemed to make little difference to how my life went. In fact I'd say it has been much better since I have stopped relying on a god to fix things for me and done it myself
Lady Lee --- thank you for referring me to freeminds --- i will definitely check out.
I can relate w/your attitude of taking care of things yourself as hard as i try to have faith in God. If nothing else, evil parents help me think there's a satan involved or has power in this world --- but then tell myself they don't need any assistance from satan as heartless as the toxic ones are/were.
Hope you finish your autobiography --- what's the psychology trick ---- to work on something 5 to 15 min. a day. i only have about 100 projects to work on 15 minutes a day which i never do, but it helped my friend complete her children's book --- Homer the Helicopter, or some title like that.
What do I mean?
I mean that I had experiences along with my family of supernatural experiences where doors, windows were opened and lights were switched on things were seen and heard and a presence was felt in the house for some months. Contrasting that with God and him being supernatural.
With God. I don't think it is our place to question him as to why he has or hasn't done anything. Maybe I am still alive because of him. At times I have felt my prayers were answered. The thing is whether we lose our faith or not. The Apostle Paul along with many others recorded in the scriptures suffered many things. Unyet Christ said God knows whether a bird of little value dies or not and aren't you worth more than that. If I were to give an example of how God helped me do you think it would make any difference. Anymore than my experiences of the supernatural will make.
"So delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or describe." That was the definition I googled on the word "subtle." I felt that was appropriate for how God has helped me.
The power of God in my life is that I still believe.
What Jaguar said. I believe that six years ago my Higher Power guided me to a solution to many of my issues. It has not been without effort from me howwever. I also believe that the only thing that counts is my personal relationship with God. I no longer attend church because I have no need of the internal politics and hypocracy, I have other sources of fellowship.
Someday I'm going to write a memoir. The title will be "How I stopped going to church and found God."
And thanks Tammy for your nice words to me on the other thread, it was so kind of you
You're very welcome.
Unyet Christ said God knows whether a bird of little value dies or not and aren't you worth more than that.
Lady Lee and LITS
It saddens me you have never felt his love, I do pray that it does not continue on that way.
please know, you have mine.
Yes, I have. My parents were both born in the Witnesses. My mom's family since Pastor Russell. My father's family I am not certain. As I related in another post, I was severely abused by my father. I fought for my very life several times. School was so impt b/c it was a haven from the Witnesses. He undertook a campaign to pull me out of school because I was so bad. He wanted to supervise me bagging groceries in a store. An Ivy League scholarship was at stake. The agency my mom and I sought help from promised he could not. I knew I had to admit the abuse to the principal and go to a foster home. Leaving my mom and siblings was tough. Also, no restraining order could keep him from me. I had a rape monitoring system in place. Shortly before he died from heart disease, he announced I was so bad and worldly I was killing him and I would watch him die. He trapped me in the bathroom and jammed his body in the door sill. I completely freaked out. The police came. It was decided I had to go in exile far away to be safe. I sought guns and knifes to protect myself. I always let him beat me. Something snapped and I fought back with all my might. He wasn't a body guard for no reason.
He died in the hospital. People were so worried that he would die beating me. We, the family, could breathe. It was glorious. Freedom! I'm free at last. Later, I graduated from an Ivy League college and law school. I practiced on Wall St and the U.S. Senate. It was glorious. I had subscriptions to two ballet companies and two opera companies in NY. My life was better than I ever imagined. I partied in Paris. Seeing the Capitol for the first time, knowing I would be a lawyer there, was awesome.
I've known great tragedy, too. I became active at the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine. In my time of trial when I was suicidal from pain, the relationships I formed there sustained me. People showered me with God's love. I experienced God at the Sistine Chapel and at the Picasso Retrospective at MOMA. This past week I took a downtown bus with a friend. I felt God as I laughed.
There is another side that bothers me. Where was God when I was abused? Where was God when I suffered utter agony with facial neuralgia? I volunteered in homeless ministires at two Manhattan churches. Where was God for those people? Why are little children abused? How could God allow the Holocaust and the other genocides? The God I encounter is very reminiscent of Job. I have no answers. Perhaps God cannot have answers. I have felt God, though.