Sticky Situation - What to do?

by I<3MYGod 54 Replies latest jw experiences

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  I<3MYGod

  Thanks for all the advice and thoughts all!!

  I guess sometimes it really sucks that I always have to be the sensible and bigger person. My older sister has mistreated me in one way or another our whole lives. From little things to huge things and I have always let her have her way. NO one wants to confront her. Even her husband walks around on egg shells in her presence. It gets so old. She has mooched off of me my whole life, she was always jealous that I was prettier and I had more friends. I had a boyfriend first and was supposed to get married first. Until she and her boyfriend (of only a few months) got engaged and then set their wedding date for one month exactly BEFORE mine, on the day that she was supposed to give me my bridal shower. I had to suck it up and be the better person and smile and walk down the aisle in her wedding as a bride's maid.

  One time I would like to be the one who doesn't give a f*ck about her and her feelings....she has never given a crap about me or mine. But I digress...those are some of the past hurts that I struggle to get over. She is just selfish, controlling, and very competitive.

  And they are totally out of the borg. So it's not like they will be sad and have thoughts of wanting to return and then be angry at me for tattling on them.

  And what I meant about his dad being an elder of high importance - EVERYONE knows him (BIL) and his family. His dad is the oldest elder at the KH and he has been an elder for years and years and years. And to have one of his sons DF'ed just wouldn't look so good for him. He knows how they are living....but he chooses to turn a blind eye and deaf ear and just not care. And I call major BULLSH*T on that. But it's just another time where we see how hypocritical all of them are.
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  ziddina

  "Part of me would like getting back at her, but then I don't want to do that to her. I'm torn. I don't like the fact that she is lying to them all and getting away with it. ..."

  I think that you just don't like hypocrites.

  I agree with you on that point; I hate hypocrites too [and I look quickly around to see if I'M behaving like one, as I type this...]

  Hypocrisy is the rankest sort of lie; a hypocrite - like a liar - starts out by lying to themselves. The human race often finds itself in dire circumstances because humans collectively LIE to themselves; this is the basis of every despotic reign and environmental disaster; every form of political and religious oppression that has ever existed...

  So, yeah, hypocrisy is EXTREMELY irritating to observe; and it CAN be fatal...

  I suspect that your sister will trip herself up, eventually. If you have NOTHING to do with her downfall, at least you won't have to listen to her b*tch at you - or endure frosty glares or nasty letters/comments from her...

  Zid
• 

  carvin

  Void Eater is 100% correct. Take it up w/your family, if you think they will listen, or leave it alone.

  My wifes brother sleeps around, she and her sisters say they won't be suprised when he "comes home with aids." Her BIL, is a alcoholic, was accused of child molestation, has tried to bed my wife even telling her he wants to rape her. her family and my father still asocciate whit them since they are not DF'ed. Me, I'm not worthy, my sin? I admitted that I talked to my DF'ed best friend at my mothers funeral, and said I was not sorry for doing so. If there is a problem with in the family I am expected to bail them out but then it's back to I'm not worthy.

  So it depends on how your family will react to what you say. I wish you all the best!
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  Mad Sweeney

  I'm reminded of the parable where a father asks his sons to perform a task. One says, "No, I won't do it," but later does it anyway. The other says, "Ok, I will do it," but never does.

  One lesson I always took from this is that actions are more important than motives.

  To me, it matters more that you get family members OUT of the cult than the reasons you do it. Whether it's for revenge or justice or love, the result is the same: they'll be free of the cult and you'll have an opportunity to repair ties with them.
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  Medina

  Karma says, Just leave it be. Every person will get the results of their actions.

  I would say, take her down!
• 

  Scully

  Consider all your options, and all the possible outcomes before you do anything. Understand that "doing nothing" can be an option, either temporarily or indefinitely.

  There's nothing that says the hypocrisy has to be dealt with immediately, and there's no harm in putting a confrontation on the back burner while you consider and plan the best course of action. Make sure the choice you make is the best one for you. Don't approach this from a you-guys-are-so-unfair perspective - it will make you appear weak and jealous, while empowering them, and your point will be lost on them.

  Ultimately, you want to know going in what your goal is, and know that you have a more than reasonable expectation of the outcome you want. Anything less than that is not going to be satisfying for you.

  If you're expecting them to fall over themselves apologizing to you for treating you so unfairly, welcoming you back with open arms, and leaving the JWs all at once, your expectations may not be realistic. They are more likely to play the stop-being-such-a-damn-crybaby-and-grow-up-you-knew-the-consequences-of-your-choice card and continue to treat you like the scapegoat. Some families just need to have a scapegoat, and you, my friend, seem to be it. That doesn't make it right, doesn't make it fair. But maybe you just need to stop playing this toxic game, because it is giving them power over you. Putting a stop to it - you don't even need to tell them that you're not going to participate anymore - is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. Walk away. Live your life. Make new friends. Get a great education and career. Be successful. Their toxic environment is sucking the life out of you - it wastes your time and energy on their drama and toxicity.

  It's like running into a burning building when you aren't equipped to put out the fire - you breathe in the smoke, getting smoke inhalation injuries and burns all over. You can suffer from the effects of going into that toxic environment for a long time afterward, and sometimes the damage will be permanent. You need to get strong again, feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, develop a support network of your own who aren't going to throw you under the bus like your family did. It's only from a position of strength and being fully equipped to deal with that environment that you will be able to have the confrontation (or not) and come out of it relatively unscathed.
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  tec

  Well, I think motives do matter, so you should examine yours. Would you want to report her to the org for her benefit, or to have the satisfaction of returning evil for evil?

  I would speak to her alone. If she does not want to, then what can you do? As for your family, I think you could speak to them as well, asking them to explain how they could have treated you as they did... considering that none of them is perfect. (I don't know how much they know about your sister) If they know about your sister, then you can certainly confront them on their hypocrisy. Otherwise, that's a tough call, and you should think about what you would want your sister to do for you, if the situation is reverse. And this is where your motive should be out of love, because even if you make the wrong decision, the love that guided you can forgive that.

  Its hard, I know, and I sympathize. I feel the injustice for you. But do what's right, regardless of whether others respond or not. That is the only thing we can really control in life.

  Tammy
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  mamalove

  I think you might just want to make her squirm. Feel kinda scared?? If I were you, I would write an anonymous letter from one of her Jdub friends "Dear Sis and Bro Partyanimals, I want you to know that your actions are not unknown to others. Many of your dear friends are so concerned with you going astray. Please return to Jah, and you will be blessed. If we do not see any acts befitting of repentance, we will have to follow the admonision in the scriptures and turn you in to a judicial committee so we can keep our congregation clean." Agape, your dear fellow servant of Jehovah.

  That would def freak her out a little.
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  flipper

  3MYGOD- Sorry you have experienced this. If I were you- I'd take the high road and not lower yourself to your sisters ratfink standards. You will feel better about yourself for not playing the same debased game she did to you. You elevate yourself by showing human dignity. Believe me- bad karma will come to your sister soon enough. There are PLENTY of ratfinks who will squeal on her in the JW congregation or people she knows. Just my 2 cents. Go life your life and be happy
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  ziddina

  LOLOLOLOLOLOL, Mama Love!!!!

  LOVE your response!!!

  RATTLE that bee-yotch's cage!!!

  3MyGod would have to be very clever about how she wrote - er, typed - the letter and which post office she mailed it from....

  [I was amused to see that many posters assumed that 3MyGod was male... I think I assumed the same thing, until I read HER post on page 3... ]

  The sister sounds like a NASTY piece of work. If I were you, 3MyGod, I'd totally dump everyone in the family who buys into your sister's behavior. Personally, I cut off my JW biological family, and ADOPTED a surrogate mother, instead!! And my SURROGATE mother treats me MUCH BETTER than my biological incubator EVER did!!!

  May I suggest, perhaps, Mouthy??? A few of her biological kids are brats; having a GOOD kid like you, might cheer her up!!

  And if Mouthy already has too many surrogate kids, there's Snowbird, Baba Yaga, Jamie Bowers - and many more!!

  Zid