Quite a while ago I wrote about my dad who has been living with prostate cancer for 13 years with secondry bone cancer for the last 2 years. We all thought he was going to leave us back in april when he had a bad chest infection. I was talking about wanting to be able to say some words at his funeral. Well after a brave fight, sadly my dad passed away on Friday 5th November, and im missing him terribly.
My dad came into the JW cult shortly after my mum, they have been in for 45 years. I was born in along with my brother and sister, my sister is disfellowshipped though still believes they hype of the belief, my brother has been inactive for 2 years he has been doing his research and can see it for what it is. I am disfellowshipped, have been for 17 years. I was also abused by an elder when i was 7 years old, this was swept under the carpet. I think thats why I ended up getting disfellowshipped, I never got the proper help that I needed at the time, I lost my way whilst a teenager.
Over the last year I have been in councilling for what happened, I began to ask questions to my parents, wanting some answers. This caused problems within the family, being called apostate by my mums sister. But my parents and I sat down one day and talked and listened to eachother, they understood my viewpoint and acknowlegded that what happened to me was very wrong, that day we all made peace with eachother.
My dad wanted to pass away at home, so my mum was caring for him ( she is the most amazing lady!), we all helped her in this. I knew on friday when I was there he was starting to leave us, that evening with my mum, brother and me were holding his hand and gently talking to him, reassuring him it was ok he could let go now, we would be fine, we telling him how much we loved him. Shortly after he took his final breath. It was so quick but beautiful that he died in with his family there holding him.
My brother and I stayed with mum all night, the following morning an elder comes around to see my mum, now this is the point where the cold harsh reality of the borg kicks in. Obviously we were all so consumed with our grieveing that the thought of and hatred for the borg didnt even enter my head. I opened the door to this elder and welcomed him in, offered him a cup of tea and enjoyed listening to his funny stories with my dad in field service etc. The time came for him to go and I saw him to the door. As he was about to step out he turned to me and said " I think we should come around and see you in a few days and have a chat, you are too much of a nice girl to not be in the truth". WTF...now a little bit of background history with this elder, he was the one my parents went to tell of my child abuse, he was the one who questioned me then told my parents that as it happened a long time ago ( i was 7 when it happened and 11 when i told my parents) there was nothing they could do.
So when he said that I thought you cheeky bastard..I replied with " Thank you terry for that offer, however that organisation nearly destroyed me and I couldnt go back to that way of thinking again" he said "Well it was only one person tried to destroyed you" I confirmed to him that it was the 'organisation!' then said that "not only that, I have done my research on the history of the organisation and have come to realise that it is not what it makes it self out to be" " however terry if you would still like to come round and see me and have a chat, your more than welcome". You should have seen the face on it, I dont think he could have run from the door so quick. GO ME!!!!!.
My mum asked what he said and I told her she thought he had a cheek saying it was just one man that tried to destroy me. I explained to her that I thought he was being insenstive so soon after dad passing that he now wanted to chat with me about the religion. She said that he only wanted me to have the hope of seeing dad again. I reminded her that this was the first time in 17 years that I have seen him, if he was genuinely concerned about my welfare/ wellbeing surely he would have made an effort to see me at some point in the 17 years, she agreed.
To make matters worse my mums sister came that afternoon, she and her husband are JW's he is a MS. They were in the living room whilst I was in the kitchen sorting out the flowers in a vase that I brought mum. I could here my uncle talking about creamations and how they are like cattle markets and how they burn bodies together and you dont get the ashes of your loved one. My dad decided as he was nearing his death that he wanted to be creamated, orginally he said that he wanted to be creamted with a memorial service at the KH after, but after our chats he decided that all he wanted was a service at the crematorium and thats was it, no service at the KH...nothing. So my uncle was being very insensitive talking like this in front of my mum so soon, it was cruel, as he was trying to make my mum feel bad about not having a KH service. So I kindly asked him to change the subject as I thought this was not the time or place. Well all hell broke lose after that, my aunt said to my mum..."see we didnt start anything" my mum started crying and I went to comfort her, my aunt wouldnt let me near her, she looked at me then at my mum and said "dont worry helen, she just doesnt understand" I asked what she meant by that then got a lot of verbal abuse when i said that I have just lost my dad and so i do understand. She called me selfish, how she had known my dad longer than me, how its my fault they are not close to me, how I was a problem child, how i didnt care about my dad. Then my uncle gets up and says to me how terrible i was questioning the religion while my dad was dying, he said that I used to be a lovely person with a heart and now I am cold and nasty. He said that they both decided that they were not going to talk to me when they arrived, but only decided to talk to me after I offered them a cup of tea, which was exactly what they did....WTF!!!!. When I told him how I did love my dad he screamed at me and said BULL.
My dad has not even been gone 24 hours, where was their love and compassion, it was unbelieveable. Sorry but I really needed to sound off, with people that understand the evil thought processes of the JW cult. Its quite funny actually, if I was ever thinking about coming back (which I never would) their so called loving actions would have put me of straight away.
Its such a shame that they are so blinded that they cannot see and dont know how to show genuine love, true compassion because all their natural feelings have been squashed out for their wrong, oppressive thinking.
What is also strange how my dad was so worried that I would take my mum away from the truth with my new thinking, but at the end his last words to my mum was "you can do what ever you want with you life". Maybe when he was in his last moments he saw his mum there waiting to meet him, and in that moment he realised that what he was being taught was wrong, as he was moving into another world.
Thanks for reading.
RIP Dad xxxxxxxxx