@sd-7
My wife saw it on my computer screen and went pretty ballistic, thought I was suggesting that I should have the green light for adultery because she'd been holding out for awhile, apparently due to a months-long illness that she never sought treatment for.
I don't follow this reasoning at all, but ok.
I thought it highlighted the seriousness of sex within marriage, more than the obligation of any one person to provide the 'due'.
And this IMO the QfR article does!
It's sad that this stuff even needs discussion. Good couples should be able to talk this kind of stuff out. And not have elders telling women to give it up or blaming them for adultery, because adultery happens because of more than just no sex, if you ask me...
Well, I think "this stuff" does deserve discussion and thoughtful consideration, for not every "good couple" comes from a background where things like this can be discussed between them. (The wife, for example, would likely speak about the matter with their mother or with an aunt to whom she is close about her husband, or the husband might approach his father or his favorite uncle about what he's feeling about his wife.)
But there are reasons that certain things may not have been divulged to one's spouse before the marriage that may be contributing to the physical and/or emotional problems that one or the other of them is having when it comes to sex with their mate that a mature brother or sister in the congregation might be approached by them to discuss, and it will take courage to do this, for some may unknowingly be suffering from one of the many diseases that flow from oral sex and/or anal sex in which they engaged during their youth. With oral sex, there's chlamydia, chronic Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus, genital herpes, genital warts, Hepatitis B, Herpes simplex, HIV/AIDS, pelvic inflammatory disease, pubic lice, sexually transmitted diseases and scabies. With anal sex comes all of the above, including amoebiasis, cryptosporidiosis, E. coli infections, giardiasis, gonorrhea, granuloma inguinale, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis C, human papilloma virus (HPV), Kaposi's sarcoma-associated herpesvirus (HHV-8), lymphogranuloma venereum, syphilis, trichomoniasis, salmonellosis, shigella and tuberculosis, and this past behavior may only come to be divulged to one's partner after the marriage day. And whether that mature brother or sister approached should be an elder or not, there will definitely be the concern that he or she might be a gossip, and that your medical issue or medical history may become common knowledge to those that are expert at listening to gossip.
Elders do not have the authority to tell women to "give it up" and they certainly have no right to be "blaming them" for the decision by their spouse to commit adultery. God's word says, that "each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin; in turn, sin, when it has been accomplished, brings forth death." (James 1:14, 15) And I would remiss to not point out here the words of the Lord Jesus Christ, who didn't subscribe to this "blame game" of some, and said: "Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)
Let me be blunt here: If a married man has a "hard on" (literally or figuratively) for another woman, it is because of his own desire, it is because he allowed a passion for this other woman to be cultivated in his heart. The converse is true for the married woman. Jesus wouldn't give such a person a pass; neither should we.
@djeggnog
