Marital Due and the KS (page 2)

Scully

blondie:

*** w73 6/1 p. 352 Questions From Readers ***The innocent mate may even have contributed toward the unfaithfulness of his or her marriage partner. If, for example, the wife has deliberately deprived her husband of the marital due, she bears a certain responsibility for what has happened. She is not altogether without blame from God's standpoint, for the Bible admonishes: "Let the husband render to his wife her due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband. . . . Do not be depriving each other of it, except by mutual consent for an appointed time, that you may devote time to prayer and may come together again, that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-regulation."-1 Cor. 7:3-5.

------------------------------I can remember 2 elders showing this passage to a sister telling her she was partially responsible for her husband committing adultery.

Somehow I doubt that would fly if it was the wife who committed adultery because the husband was depriving her of The Due™.

blondie

Probably not, and I advised the wife of that. It was definitely a very gender biased statement. It made me see a new and disgusting side of the elders who bludgeoned that sister with it....a woman who had been sexually abused by her first husband and could not have sex unless she was drunk.

Finally-Free

I was deprived of the "marital due" for 11 years but never spoke to the elders about it. What for? If the only reason a spouse is intimate with me is because the elders told her to do so, thanks but no thanks. There's no greater turn off than having sex with someone who's doing it out of a sense of obligation, or thinking they're doing me a favour.<insert vomit here>

W

Farkel

:Marital Due and the KS

This whole notion of a "marital due" always bothered me.

"Woman! Get in the bedroom. Now! It's time to pay your dues!"

Is marriage a loving arrangement between two people who commit to stand by each other for life, or an arrangement like a private club which DEMANDS a payment of regular dues from its members?

See what I mean?

Farkel

yknot

but sometimes a regulared scheduled 'nookie' session can help to rekindle things.....

touching (not just sexually) can be very healing....

Just Sayin.....

elderelite

g937/8p.11MarriedLife—MakingItHappier***
Sexual
IncompatibilityandDivorce

MANY couples cite sexual incompatibility as their reason for divorce. Pointing out where the problem lies, a book dealing with today’s changing family arrangement, entitled SekkushuaritiitoKazoku (Sexuality and Family), says: “A monogamous marriage arrangement and erotomania sex information today do not go hand in hand. The flood of sex information distorts conjugal Eros and shreds ordinary affection to pieces. Not just the merchandising of sex but pornographic videotapes and comic books that depict female bodies as commodities pervert human senses and hearts. Thus, wives are afflicted with [their husbands’] rapelike sex, and husbands who are rejected become impotent.”

Immoral publications, videos, and TV programs distort sex. They do not teach what constitutes real enjoyment of matrimony. They also destroy the trust that a husband and wife must cultivate in order to have a successful marriage. PsychologyToday states: “Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of your partner’s hand, knowing they will be handled with care. While feelings of love or sexual excitement may wax and wane over time, ideally, trust is a constant.”

Sex is not the pivot on which a successful married life turns. A wife who has gone through difficult marital problems says: “What encouraged me most were the words in the book MakingYourFamilyLifeHappy: ‘Generally speaking, if all the other relationships in the marriage are good, if there are love, respect, good communication and understanding, then sex will seldom be a problem.’”

The real bonding agent between spouses is not sex but love. Sex without love is futile, but love can stand alone. By putting sex in its place, not making it the center of their lives, a couple can enjoy their partnership and solve the problem of sexual incompatibility.

THis is the article that I had in mind.... The ending quote "sex without love is futile but love can stand alone" always seemed like the society's way of saying "suck it the hell up" to me.. again I'm a man so take that for what its worth.

I wouldn't marry someone who wasnt interested in being sexually active with me... that is friendship, not marriage. I have gals that i'm very friendly with... the differance between them and my wife is sex and the legal obligation for me to come home to her. Sex is the natural bond that cements a relationship between mates.. the reason we have sex even when we dont want to procreate is keep the bond intacts between mates. again, just my male view point.

Scully

"... Thus, wives are afflicted with [their husbands'] rapelike sex, and husbands who are rejected become impotent."

And yet, in requiring that The Marital Due™ be Rendered™, more or less on demand, the WTS is setting up married JW couples for just such a scenario.

djeggnog

@elderelite:

and sex isn't part of marriage. its sanctioned by marriage, but not REQUIRED in marriage. Once again, thank you WTB&TS for your input and finding a way to ruin the most basic and primal of all human needs/desires

Just as there is nothing about marriage that is incompatible with holiness, there is nothing about sex within marriage that is incompatible with Christianity. That those serving as overseers should be 'husbands of one wife with believing children' (Titus 1:5, 6) strongly suggests sex to be a requirement of marriage. At 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, the words "do not be depriving each other of it" in this passage would also suggest that you don't care one way or the other if you should ever called on any of the things you say here.

I thought the following excerpts from your subsequent posts to this thread to be typical of you:

LL, you misunderstand. thats not my personal view its what the WT [portrays]. its in print. I dont have my cd rom installed to pull the quote ... there is an article that specifically says that if the marriage becomes sexless for whatever reason the mate that is suffering has to suck it up....

LL, I'm so sorry... I have just looked thru my bag and [cannot put] my hands on it..

You come across to me by your remarks in this thread as someone that is rather squeamish about sex. When you once served as an elder, did you ever deliver a marriage talk? ever gave counsel to married couples with children or married couples frustrated over the inability of one or other of them to produce children where in vitro fertilization or adoption was being considered? If you are now or if have ever been in a sexless marriage yourself, did this "disability" influence what counsel to gave to married couples so that you thought it best to have another elder provide assistance to such couples due to your squeamishness about sex and/or your having lost your freedom of speech to give such counsel to anyone?

I'm married (I actually enjoy sex) and I'm certain that my kids are a blessing from Jehovah (Psalm 127:3-5), but back to you now. I'm wondering: Are you married at this time, or are you someone's ex-husband or soon-to-be ex-husband because you or your wife or ex-wife wasn't willing to fill your quiver with them or vice versa? We are all anonymous here. Your answer to my questions in this post might help me understand from where it is you are coming in your remarks, although what I expect from you is one of your trademark flippant remarks. (BTW, @elderelite, I thought I should mention here that my copy of the Watchtower Library 2009 is installed on several of my PCs here as well as on both of my iTouch PDAs and on my WM5-powered smartphone. Frankly, I don't believe any such "quote" exists.)

Could it be that you heard someone else -- perhaps another elder -- make such a statement when you were serving your local congregation as such?

Could it be that you heard someone else -- perhaps another elder -- make such a statement when you were serving your local congregation as such? I trust that none of the local elders with whom you once served had a penchant for probing into and exploring the salacious details of anyone's sexual history, past or present, married or unmarried, which is why many elders that have thusly abused their privileges of service have been deleted, removed.

The ending quote "sex without love is futile but love can stand alone" always seemed like the society's way of saying "suck it the hell up" to me.. again I'm a man so take that for what its worth.

No, that would be you badly paraphrasing something you were reading in an article based on your own pathological viewpoints with regard to (a) the WTS and (b) sex inside (or outside) of marriage. This "ending quote" is on you and has nothing at all to do with anything that has been or is being taught by Jehovah's Witnesses.

@djeggnog