by Green Jade 39 Replies latest social family
Don't get offended: but you have to have been a Witness to understand the complexity of growing up as a Witness.
Don't be offended Green Jade but I know you're a newbie and it might be hard for you to understand right now but most of the folks here have been jws at one time or another. Many like myself were born in and raised in the so-caled "truth". So we get it. We really do.
Mrs Jones5 Feedback given and received. Yes I assumed Dumni had not been a Witness. Well if he was that he understands the complexity and the difficulty of finding others like me and having my children associate with their children.
To each his own. I have four children. I'm very protective of mine but I wouldn't be comfortable with them going to a hall, even though that is how I was raised. My kids are happier going to church anyway.
P.S. Best not to assume you know more about the wt than we do, you'll step on less toes that way.
@debator...Who said they "dislike witnesses" ??? ...It's the WBTS that I personally can't stand...
I love my JW family... it is the man-made, distructive, mind controlling CULT and its destructive doctrines, rules and regs that stink!
Sorry Geen Jade...I had to vent....
I congratulate you on your courage to reach out on this forum...You will be blessed..IMHO.
I wish you continued independent thinking...knowledge is power.
Peace and Strength to you and your family. -BH
Braveheart Thank you for your encouragement. It does mean alot
Mrs Jones I will take that under careful deliberation. You mentioned you would not raise you children as Witnesses. May I ask why? Was your experience different from mine?
Hi Green Jade
Glad you read my post, and yes I am a free-born-in exJW and I fully understand your point of view here. I am also glad you understand the good and open-minded influence your parents had on growing as a child. I must also take this opportunity to congratulate your parents for this outlook.
If some thing works then why would I discount it? Don't get offended: but you have to have been a Witness to understand the complexity of growing up as a Witness. You mentioned my childhood as "fond memories", but it was more than that. It made me who I am now. I am not "brain-washed" nor believe was ever in a "cult". I didn't drink any coolaid(sp?). I know that I have always been "open-minded". It was my parents that taught me to give people the benefit of the doubt and understand the motives that influences peoples decisions. - Green Jade
I find that there is a very small percentage within the dubs that inspire people to join the religin because of the way they lead their lives... I call these the real models of christianinty. You can easily see them in KHs. They dont turn in ridiculuosly high service time at the end of each month and dont miss meetings. The husband is probably not even an MS but they lead a good admirable family life. The unfortunate thing is that these individual families are few and far between amongst the JWs. I think your parents fit this profile.
Notwithstanding the above I must answer a sentence in your post:
And those values were mostly based on being a JW. You mentioned filling a void and teaching my children about god and the bible. Yes, I can influence my children, but they need to be able to see other people and peers putting those teachings into practice.-Green Jade
This is where I disagree with you, your moral values are a matter of choice largely and to a small percentage that of community modelling. You dont have to be a JW to practice good moral values and standards. And consider a chance that you children will most likely see other JWs putting the opposite of those teachings into practice. Then what, do you now teach your children to discount those as true cristians? labell them as the Apostate?? do you now teach them that not every one in the KH may have "made The truth their own" and that they must learn to identify and avoid associating with these?? what about when a childhood friend of theirs become Dfed years later for some reason?? do you now teach them to shun these??
No, I dont think a KH or JW community is the "ONLY" place where your children can see "peers putting good moral teachings into practice".. so I will put my humble suggestion foward again.
"The truth of the matter is that in time you will understand that your children can enjoy their childhood without having to grow "in the buble" and there is nothing stoping you to teach them about god and the bible, and to encourage them to use their mental capacities when it comes to issues of faith.
Above all else, teach your children to "live life aboundantly", afford them all that is in your strength to enjoy every moment "alive" in every sence of the word (free of guilt or control)... it is the least you owe them."
You mentioned you would not raise you children as Witnesses. May I ask why? Was your experience different from mine?
Not would raise, I don't raise my children as witnesses. My oldest child is 16 and my youngest is 7. The only time they have collectively step foot in a hall was for the funerals of my grandparents.
My childhood was relatively ok, it was no picnic but it was ok. I was never molested and my parents didn't beat us...much. My experience at the hall was ok but as I got older the cliches and the collective ignoring got on my nerves (my parents were visibly spiritually weak and didn't force any of their children towards baptisim - one thing they did do right, though my mother regrets it to this day).
Personally I've developed a bad habit of looking for intergity in organizations I associate with and as I got older (and hopefully wiser) it became very apparent that among the governing body and the organisation as a whole integrity was and still is severely lacking. I will not expose my children to that. It's bad enough that they have grandparents who are jws.
I appreciate your story, Jade.
I too grew up a Witness and was deeply involved in all sorts of spiritual things. From talks, to pioneering, Circuit Assembly parts, Quick Builds. I know I have a different viewpoint from many of the others on this site, but there is nothing wrong with being a Witness. But you have to understand that baptism and dedication is to Jehovah and not to the Society. I look back and consider it somewhat of a blessing that we were witnesses because it protected me from many of the things my non-witness peers got involved in. I only associated with witnesses and that helped me live a Christian lifestyle.
That being said, one need not be a Witness to be a good Christian. Witnesses have not cornered the market on Christian living, love, or peace, or anything else. The biggest problem with the WTBTS is not their lifestyle, but their insistence that they are "Jehovah's Mouthpiece"....his "Channel of Communication". The fact is, they claim that they are not inspired, but merely "directed" by holy spirit. First, what is the difference. Second, If they are not inspired, why do they expect everyone to follow what is written in the WT as if it is inspired?
Anyway, I empathize with your struggle. Keep praying. Stay strong for your children and your husband. Remember, what makes a Christian is not what organization they belong to. It is how they live their life.
GreenJade,
In you first thread I metioned three must read books. I have two of them on PdF, if you have not read them i PM me your email and I will be delighted to send them.
I was a genuine believer, baptised at 18, MS in early 20's and an elder for nearly a decade. I wasn't a career elder; I genuinely thought I could help the downtrodden in my congregation. I was wrong. The congregation is NOT built on love but bureaucracy and rules. I clung to the "Truth" despite having more and more doubts until then one day, after seeing blatant nepotism and manipulation by my CoBE, and realising that the WTS was my mediator, I woke up.
It's not easy moving forward but you will do it. There is much better life out there than you can ever have serving a cult. You just have to join up and play the game. I have started to play it's fun. Some of my family, many of my work colleagues and nearly all my old friends from childhood up are still in the cult. I have had torebuild from scratch with them, but at least my immediate family left with me - so I am lucky.
You need to look at the positive walk away from the negatives and ignore the like of debator who will tell you close your eyes and settle back down to the mind control and be holden to mental chains.
Hello,
I'm sorry that I have not replied. All I can say...I just didn't feel like sharing. I shared what I wanted to share in order to receive feedback.
It has taken a week of reading my words over and over again to decide to post this reply. I shared that growing up was wonderful, but I glossed over many painful memories. Even as an adult I don't want to speak about them. I just didn't want it to color anyone's view of Jehovah's Witnesses. While I was trying hard not have any of my bad childhood memories reflect badly on Jehovah's name, I mislead people. For this I am sorry. I hope you can forgive my omissions. The intent was not to mislead but I didn't want to reveal all of me on this website. All I can say is... I remember most of my youth as upbuilding and good. I tried hard to be a good Witness all my life, and most Witnesses would have thought so. My current Witness life right now is one of inactivity. I want my children to have a wonderful childhood and to praise Jehovah's name. I just don't know how that is to be. Dumi, you make a good point that I can still raise my children as good Christian, but I don't know how that is to be. I am confused.
I looked to people on this site to give me answers and advice. I have realized you can offer advice, but you can't live my life for me. My question is not just to be a Witness or not be a Witness but rather what do I want. I really had not thought about that. I don't know what I want. All I know is what I have always been.
