Green Jade,
The Society disfellowships tens of thousands every year, most for immorality. In the articles where the discussion is on how brothers and sisters should treat one another or the responsibility of elders to be loving shepherds it is obvious that all is not always well in many congregations otherwise there would be no need for such articles. They also go out of their way to try and paint a picture of a pre-paradise spiritual paradise where in the Organization mature elders lovingly care for the publishers and where publishers do the same for one another. Both exist.
Like you, I too have been to some congregations where the elder leadership was cruel, hypocritical and controlling and many publishers followed their lead. And I've also been to congregations where the atmosphere was the exact opposite. Elders who were loving shepherds and many publishers who were fine and loving Christians. My only explanation for it is that the leadership sets the tone of the congregation. Just like the religious leaders of Jesus' day set the tone in their day. And Jesus set the opposite. When I was in the harsh congregations the spiritual paradise articles were depressing because that was not what I was seeing but when in the more loving congregations those same types of articles confirmed the very good things that went on in the more loving congregation. Neither type of congregation was homogeneous of course there were loving and unloving people in both but I believe what happens is that the more loving elders encourage the more loving publishers in the congregation, they get a boost, but the unloving elders in another congregation encourage the more unloving publishers and they get a boost to do what they like to do; judge and condemn others merely to lift themselves up.
I sympathize with your situation. First, let me say that while you will get good advice here not everyone here has kept their belief in God and/or the Bible, as with every forum on the internet, what you read will be colored by the experiences and beliefs or non-beliefs of the posters, myself included. I'm sure you're well aware of that already. I believe one of the hardest things to accomplish after leaving the Witnesses is to make up our own minds and hearts free from the influence of others. What do I believe, what do I want, what do I feel is important for me and my family. Witnesses will tell you to come back to them because they have the truth, some ex-Witnesses may believe the best thing you can do is stay away from the Witnesses and attend another church or home church other ex-Witnesses may feel it best for you to get as far away from religion as you can. All of these are well meaning but in the end it is you who must decide what is best for you and your family. A hard thing to do but the rewards are well worth the effort.
Take your time. Let time do what it does best; start to clear the awful mist that burdens our hearts and minds after leaving the Witnesses and allow healing to begin. Eventually you will know what is the best path for you and those you love.
You are blessed to have such a loving family.
Peace and Christian love to you,
Believing
