Hi guys, I joined the forum 2 days ago & I thought I should formally introduce myself to all you fellow apostates and while at it regail you with my story which may be familiar to some/all of you.
I was born into a JW family. My father converted from traditionalist (South Africa) while my mother is a second generation JW. Surfice to say I grew up (together with my three siblings) in the same JW drill... Meetings, Field ministry and secular school and thats about it. My parents were very abusive to us, we would get lashed for sleeping at the meetings or for not offering answers e.t.c.. at the very same time being told that they were merely executing Jehovahs corrective ways. I think they sincerely believe that they brought us up well according to the scriptual requirements (Maybe that is the reason I am not so bitter towards them).
When I reached the age of 14 and my brother the age of 12, the pressure to get "dedicated and babtized" was increased by our parents and we oblidged them in the fall of 1996. We were being molded and groomed for "the life of service in Jehovahs organization" our life (it seems) was already outline in their eyes, we would persue Bethel -> MTS and maybe one of us up to Gilead. I on the other hand had other intentions with my life. My father was rewarded for up-bringing in the Truth and was made an elder. As two years went by, I was getting more and more agitated with questions I had that I could not find satisfying answers to from the society's publications. The issues such as Morality; Education and Judicial procedures started to appear skew to me.
I noticed a persistant announcement that was made at every District and Circuit Conventions, right after an announcement for those interested in Bethel service or MTS. The speaker would announce that Bethel home is in urgent need for Doctors( Physician; Dentist; Physical therapist e.t.c ); Nurses and Mechanical Engineers(in odd occasions) to work at the Bethel home. Yet most of the talks during the morning programme urged youth not to persue higher education and materialism. When I reached 19 years of age and graduated from finishing school [secondary/High school or Matriculation] I had already applied and was accepted to study BSc. Electrical Engineering with the University of the Witwatersrand in Johanessburg. Although I had to drop out from Varsity to work full-time, I quickly registered with The University of South Africa to complete my Electrial engineering and am glad to say that I will be completing my qualifications next June! against all odds, a real proof that Jehovah god had not forsaken me as believed by my parents that Jehovah's blessing hand would forsake me.
During the same year I met my wife(Who was not a Witness), we were young and foolish yet deeply in love. My concience was gnawing at me on daily basis due to this relationship I was in with a worldly person - 2 Corinthians 6: 14 "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness?". As it would turn out she fell pregnant with our daughter out of wedlock. I would need time, space and patience to detail what happened after that. surfice to say we got married at a magistrate court (With only a hand-full of people present), and she started applying herself to bible study. She was babtized a year later in 2003. But total acceptance from my family and the congregation was not forth-comming. To all she was "the one who misled the best chance the congregation and family had for a bethelite" and no one was making any effort to hide it. A year later the position of being ministerial servant did not come by even though we were both doing excellent in the service... all of this added a lot of strain in our life.
The more unwanted and alone she felt, the more distant and frustrated I got as she was not acting like a chriastian women was (obedient to their husbands in all things). I did not realise that I assisted in elienating her by adding to the already cumbersome spiritual expectation that the new religion demanded of her. We separated in 2007 and reconciled in early 2009. During the period of separation I began a serious introspection and inspection into my spiritual beliefs and doctrines of the WTS. I was shocked to discover that my own family and congregation was really liable for my failed marriage. I decided to reclaim my wife and child and my self as well. I have my wife back and we are working out our issues, we were blessed with a son this year in April too. This new arrival makes me think daily about what I want to teach them about god and spirituality. Its been two years since I have been to the Kingdom Hall (Meetings), and in those years I have had half-dozen of sherpading meeting attempts that I cancelled as I felt that I dont need these. Personally a lot of the docrines already did not make sence before I met my wife, but I became more acutely aware of this after. I was finding it harder and harder to go to field service and meetings.
I think I can say that I am healing and getting better each day. The guilt that I am wronging Jehovah has dissipated, and the feeling that I owe my parents and my former congregation something has also gone. I feel content with myself now. I continue to read the bible daily(without forcing this to my children or wife), and have acquired "The King James Version" over and above the "New World Translation". I am constantly striving to open my mind to other available sources of information besides the WTS (Hence I joined this discussion forum). Yesterday I downloaded the available chapters of "crisis of concience" and am fast absorbing the information inside.
I think my prayer for "The peace of god that excells all thought" is being answered gradually. I, look foward to interacting with you apostatic brothers and sisters(If I may call you that??) in here as I journey to Spiritual freedom from "The faithful and discreet slave's" field of influence. The philanthropist in me urges me to persue other activities to better peoples lives other than promising them Everlasting life. In the mean time I look foward to the day that my parents and siblings realise the sham that is JW and WBTS. Slowly but surely...