It will never end...

by mrsjones5 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • palmtree67

    ((( Josie-girl )))

  • carvin


    It is always a shame when conditional love shows its evil head, and that is one of the hardest things to deal with, especially within the family. Your husband did the right thing and even though your parents treat the both of you that way, I know that it was probably hard for him/you to do. From what little I read here, I find you to be a very kind and loving person, so taking this step is not an easy one. But I would say that he saw how much they were/are hurting you and he took a bold first step to protect you and the family. So kudos to him and to you.

    On a side note, if you don't mind saying, how are you explaining this to the children, or are they still to young.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Josie,

    So sorry. I won't go into my tale of woe here, just to say I fully understand your pain.


  • mrsjones5

    On a side note, if you don't mind saying, how are you explaining this to the children, or are they still to young.

    Sadly I haven't had to explain much to my children, they've been witnesses to a quite a bit of my parents' hatefulness and I haven't tried to explain away or play down the things my parents have done, see my topic from four years ago:

    It was easier to shield my children when they were younger but now they're older and don't miss much. They know when their grandparents are being mean and rude with the result being my children hardly asking about their grandparents and the times that they do see them my children aren't as warm and loving as my parents would wish them to be, polite but a bit standoffish.

    Thank you everyone for the love. I needed to get it out and get some hugs from the board. I really appreciate the feedback.


  • Snoozy

    Josie, that is so sad...I always say a family should stick together no matter what for family sake..but sometimes it just can't be done. They say you should always love your family no matter what but the JW"s just make it so hard. Sometimes you just can't keep them together.


  • flipper

    JOSIE- I'm so sorry you , your husband, and children are going through this. Dealing with self righteous JW relatives is a definite pain in the rear end , I know, deal with that myself with my daughters. Please accept my wife and my hugs and love. hopefully we can talk soon on the phone. Hang in there sis

  • Dagney

    I think you and your husband are doing a great job in how you are handling your situation.

    From my experience with the JW family/friends, I think it is important to show them you are in control of your life, your association, your home, your family....they don't dictate to me. Being on the outside looking at the JW culture, I realize they simply do not have respect for people and correspondingly they don't know how to treat them. It's ridiculous.

    Sometimes with proper education from people like us, they can learn manners and respect. Some will not and instead dig their heels in, and remain disrespectful a$$holes. But it's important for us to keep our power and for the children to learn the right way to handle all kinds of situations with dignity and respect, especially with family.

    Still, even when we are in control, sometimes the situation can drain us, because it's our loved ones, and they shouldn't treat us that way. It's frustrating.

    Well done to you and yours.

  • StAnn

    Josie, I delayed reading your post because I guessed the subject matter. I was right. <sigh> Feels like going back in time. My parents still think that I am 12 years old and that they can dictate to me.

    You know, at this point, you will never change your parents so you just are going to have to find a way to deal with them that doesn't upset you.

    My ex-husband used to get on the phone and berate me in front of our son, etc., and get us both all upset. I finally refused to speak to him on the phone. I bought a stack of postal cards and whenever I needed to communicate with him, I wrote out a quick postal card and dropped it in the mail. At first, he'd call when he got a card and start ranting and I'd just hang up. Finally, he caught on and began writing me back. He was cautious about what he put in writing, which made me happy. I probably didn't speak to him for 2-3 years until he got himself under control and learned that I wasn't going to allow him to treat me like that.

    Right now I have a similar situation with my dad, where I never call him and am very distant when he calls me. I have handled family business with him through the mail. He has called to offer me his living room furniture when he bought new furniture. (It's very kind of you to offer but no thank you.) He called to say he was hosting a family reunion and invited me. (It's very kind of you to invite me but I don't want to waste a perfectly good Saturday in the company of people I don't like. No thank you.) My dad has to learn that I'm not going to tolerate what I've tolerated from him for so many years. I hope that we are able to reconcile before he dies (he is 75 years old) but it's really all up to him. He must change how he treats me if he wants me in his life.

    Just letting you know about the strategy I have had to enact to retain my sanity, given how abusive my JW parents are to me and my husband and my children.

    Good luck. You need it.

  • sooner7nc

    (((((((((((((Mrs. J))))))))))))))))

  • mrsjones5

    Whew! I'm just able to get back on the computer, hubby has been hogging it but I don't mind cuz he's trying to take care of business.

    Thanks guys and gals for your words of advice and support.

    Ann I love the postcard idea.

    Flip, give me a call any time and say hi for me to your lovely wife.

    Ya Snoozy, my mother keeps going on about how we are a family and should stick together but I don't think she really knows what that means. She's done more to destory her own family than keep it together. And my father is no better.

    Dagney, you're right it is all about control. My letting my parents help me last year opened the door for them to try take over my life yet again. The meaness came out when I didn't do as they said like I am a child under their roof. I don't talk to my parents as often as they want, nor go I give out any information about my family and I like they think I should (reminds me of when my father told me that I was still his responsibility even though I had been married three years and was the mother of one child, responsibility is code for I can talk to you anyway I want and I can tell you to do whatever the hell I want and you better do it.)

    I some may wonder why I've put up with this shit for so long. It's all about one word: Hope. I always hope that my parents will see the light, change and be nicer to me and mind, right now I have a light Dr Phil in my head saying "And how's that working for ya?" It's not working. I guess I don't have to give up on being a hopeful person but I've come to realize that just because you hope for something to change you don't have to be a punching bag and a dumping ground for someone else's craziness.

    You all are truely my peeps.


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