My wife has asked me to tone it down

by JWinprotest 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • IsaacJ22
    IsaacJ22

    I have had some similar problems with my in-laws. I can tell you that deliberately planting seeds of doubt is unlikely to work. You are merely antagonizing them and setting their apostate alarms off. In which case, they won't listen to you anyway. But I can totally relate to getting irritated with the child-like praise. Especially when it seems like they're just saying it to take a poke at you.

    There have been times when I finally spoke up if they kept making comments like that. Not to plant a seed, but to stand up for my decision to leave the WTS and to point out that they don't always have all the facts. Also, it helped not feel like I was being walked on. Usually, the response was something like, "Those are just lies spread by apostates." Or, "They just make up stuff like that because they're jealous."

    It was really hard not to laugh when I heard stuff like that. They're just evasions, though. They always turned away from me whenever they said them. I usually didn't push any harder than that; it was enough that they knew I wasn't on the same page. Any more and they would have seen me as the enemy.

    Basically, people need to be ready to leave the WTS. The more you push them, the deeper they'll sink into the WTS's protective cocoon. And the further from you they will slink. It tends to have the opposite effect of the one you want. I would suggest that it's enough that they know you see things differently and that they understand you have decent reasons for it.

  • twinkle toes
    twinkle toes

    I have been doing kind of what Chrisjoel said, changing the subject quickly to anything trivial.

    But sometimes like the other day when one of my relatives was going on and on about what a wonderful day in service we had. It was just so great!

    I decided to ask questions of great detail. Like why was it so good? Did you start a study? do you think you will be able to convert them? Did they offer you coffee? When are you going back? How long was the call ? did you place anything? Do you think they will read it?

    The family member eventually got tired and I think she realized how stupid it sounded and she changed the subject.

    tt

  • JWinprotest
  • Gregor
    Gregor

    I agree with leaving. Don't give away your position too boldly unless you are ready to follow through. If you think it is hard to bite your tongue over remarks made in general conversation think how it will go if a couple of elders start putting you in a corner because you have roused suspicion. You will either get yourself DF'd or you will suck their d--ks.

  • asilentone
    asilentone

    you will not accomplish anything if you do not keep your cool.

  • asilentone
    asilentone

    maybe you can apologize to your wife that you embarrassed her. You can tell her that you will have more self control.

  • exwhyzee
    exwhyzee
    You see my rants are always instigated by someone overly praising the Society and the organization and how lucky they are to be a part of it, and it does not sit well with me.

    This is extremly annoying and it is hard to bite ones tounge in these instances. I have realized that someone who has recently left "the Truth" is much like someone who recently "found the Truth". In both cases, the individual feels compelled to share their discovery with everyone they know, even if it isn't well recieved. I have heard it said that a newly converted Witness should be tied up for about a year so that they don't drive their families and friends away with their new found zeal.

    It's best to let them approach you and when they do answer only the question they have asked and do it briefly. It's hard not to unload both barrels on them, but they are not ready to hear what it took you months or even years, to come to grips with.

  • chrisjoel
    chrisjoel

    "I decided to ask questions of great detail. Like why was it so good? Did you start a study? do you think you will be able to convert them? Did they offer you coffee? When are you going back? How long was the call ? did you place anything? Do you think they will read it?

    The family member eventually got tired and I think she realized how stupid it sounded and she changed the subject."

    Thats Gold.

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    I dunno, how cool are you with not getting laid?

  • out4good3
    out4good3

    Why can't they just tone it down?

    Why is it that they get to speak out gushing about the Soceity around people they know to not feel the same way, yet have the audacity to get angry when you speak your mind as well.

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