Conscious Class vs. Fading...

by dssynergy 24 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  dssynergy

  As I have stated a number of times - I'm really struggling. I would like more than anything just to fade away and life my life. However, I am not willing to give up my family, specifically my nephew who needs me to stick around.

  So, my question for those of you who are Conscious Class [i.e,BrotherDan, Yknot and others]: HOW do you do this? I think this would be a better solution than fading perhaps, because it would keep people off my back.

  On the other hand, if I want to have any real life, a boyfriend, for example, fading might be a better choice because I could do what I want without any judicial consequences because I am not associating with a congregation.

  Could you guys help me weigh the pros and cons of conscious class vs. fading??

  Thanks!

  DS
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  poor places

  Being conscious means being aware of your own dishonesty, which is no fun. Fading means being more honest but never measuring up to the expectations of people you care about.

  My view is that being conscious is easier in the short-term because you don't have to suffer the extreme mental torture of family and friends hassling you, but fading is easier in the long-term because you don't have to be dishonest for the rest of your life.

  It's just a matter of getting over the initial pain, I suppose, which would no doubt be intense. For the record, I sympathize with you. I'm what you would call a conscious person. The idea of fading brings a feeling of dread. Good luck with all that.
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  dssynergy

  @Poor Places: given that you are a conscious person - how do you make it through the meetings, and service? I'm trying to figure out how to sit through meeting after meeting while I feel like I have to filter everything they say because so much of it is inaccurate, incomplete or speculation...

  Any suggestions?

  DS
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  alanv

  I think once you have accepted that what they are teaching is wrong, I personally feel, that is the time to stop attending meetings and putting in a service report. Otherwise your whole life is living a lie. I can certainly understand why fading could be a good option as that is what I did as I still had family in. If you make it formal by dsisassociating yourself, you will almost certainly be shunned by friends and family in the org.

  With fading you get the best of both worlds you have your freedom to start living your life again and you can still have contact with friends and family.

  It's not easy but so worth the effort. I wish you well.
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  cantleave

  We justed faded - very fast. Once we realised it was a crock of smelly poo - we couldn't stand going and didn't want to put our kids in an impossible position.

  We havn't been shunned or disowned by family, yet, but have had some friends drop us. When my mum finds out we have "left Jehovah" she will disinherit me (a substantial inheritance too), but at least i'll have my wife and kids and we will be free from the lies and control of this insidious cult.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I won't attempt to sway you one way or the other as it is different for everyone.
  Fading can just be that- nothing said, no arguments, just fading. My mother and wife refuse to talk about the JW stuff with me. It slips into conversation every now and again, but for the most part I say nothing directly about it. That way, they don't decide I am the evil one, and I can actually be more honest. If cornered on something, I tell them "I would rather not say" on some subjects.
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  dssynergy

  @CantLeave: how fast was your fade? I stopped meetings 8 or 9 months ago, right before my dad died. It wasn't purposeful at first - I just got busy. Then there has been a lot of stress in my family over the last few months for various reasons, deaths, crisis, sickness, etc. So I've had a lot on my plate. My mom is concerned, and my friends are making subtle comments - I'm not up for the return yet - but I'm weighing options to see what is the best....I think it is less dishonest not to attend - and less of a hassle to go and just pretend. Pros and cons to each...

  Any suggestions or advice is appreciated.

  DS
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  brotherdan

  I personally don't recommend the whole conscious class thing. The ONLY reason that I still go to meetings is to try and hold my family together until such time when my wife can see the truth. I don't feel I'm being dishonest like poorplaces is accusing. I just don't allow myself into positions where I will have to disagree with the WT in front of other Witnesses. I also know that no matter what I say, the majority of JWs do not want to know about it anyway. They are so fearful of hearing or reading something contrary to the WT that will lead them away.I don't go door to door any more preaching a lie. I don't comment at the meetings. I sit in my seat and take care of my kids for a few hours a week. That's it.

  Witnesses have you in a strangle hold even when you understand that it's not the truth anymore. If you don't do things just right you will lose your family. Friends can be replaced, family cannot. And they seem eager to take them away at the slightest hint of you not believing in them anymore.

  Anyway, being of the "conscious class" is something that I think is a necessity for some people. And only for a time. Once the door is opened and you see the light, there is no way to close that door again. So if you are going to keep going to meetings and not inform other Witnesses of your conclusions, you should have a good reason for doing this. Otherwise, I agree that you should get out and run.

  Some of you guys think that as soon as you see the truth about the org you need to cut your losses and run quick. I tried that at first and I came to realize that sometimes some discretion is needed and you need to take things in steps, at least for your family's sake. Just because you don't come out immediately after seeing that the org is not right, that does not condemn you.

  Fading has it's own pitfalls and "dishonesty". Everyone in the congregation still views you as a Witness, just an inactive one. And if any of them catch you doing something wrong (i.e. going to a church, dating an unbeliever, smoking) you will be df'd anyway.
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  Mad Sweeney

  The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune. ~Boris Pasternak
  
  
  It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
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  OnTheWayOut

  Pros and cons to each...

  I could simply never do it, sit there and let the propaganda machine start again.
  I would have to cough out a "*Bullsh%t" now and again.

  That's enough con for me on pretending.
  
  On fading, you have to hold your tongue and not vote and not gamble and not smoke and not ...
  or at least do those things secretly.