It's a shame that you had to see your mother treated like that for a few cigarettes. I'm sure she took a lot of comfort that you still talked to her as crazy as that sounds.
I too faded over a long time and eventually stopped going telling my family after my last meeting. It took a while for the dust to settle but it was as if a huge burden had been lifted because I could be honest and not make excuses the whole time.
I never wanted to bring kids up in that wierd controlling world simply because I was too spineless to leave. Best decision I made.
Well done for escaping, with your husband and daughter too!
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story.