LIFE IS TOO SHORT- My congratulations to you for deciding not to attend meetings anymore. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling some sadness mixed with dissappointment and anger . It is all part of the healing process in moving on in life my friend. I felt similar feelings about 7 years ago when I first stopped attending meetings. Angry with unjust elders who tried to screw me over- yet at the same time saddened that this organization I had been in from birth was really a total deception in promises of " elders being crags in a waterless country. " Not for me they weren't. So you seem to be going through a similar eye opening experience which obviously will give you many varied emotions rushing in at different times. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal . It takes time. If you need to cry, then cry . If you have anger- go for a energetic walk and release your stresses. Whatever it takes- do it.
Your life will get better in time - and the further you are away from JW mind control meetings - the less that insane information will clog up the neurotransmitters and nerve endings in your brain. As you go on- refill your brain with good reading material to educate yourself about what just happened to you these last few years. Books on mind control- come to mind. Also Ray Franz's books.
You have a great heart my friend and are to be commended in what you've done in fighting on behalf of protecting children . These men you have dealt with have no principles or ethics. They are " company " men - ordered to show devotion to the WT society first ; just like Nazi's were to show allegiance to Hitler in World War 2 . Jehovah's Witnesses ARE that controlled. That's why they are dangerous.
So a very good decision on your part to protect yourself and your freedom of thinking by avoiding the meetings. My wife and I are close to you personally- if you need to talk, you know our number, we'll be here sis. Keep your chin up