Did you ever go through a period of obsession with all things WT related upon your awakening?

by miseryloveselders 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  miseryloveselders

  When I was a firm believer that the WTS was God's chosen organization, I didn't really research too much. Never gave much thought to other opinions. If the Insight Book said so, than it was factual. I only did heavier research when I had a talk, or when presented with a question in the ministry that I couldn't answer. Other than that, I've been on spiritual autopilot. My how things have changed since my initial doubts, and even more so since coming here and seeing many others have the same doubts. It's a surreal feeling when your doubt changes into a firm realization that you've been misled when confronted with solid evidence. Now that I'm past doubt that the WTS is full of it, I've become obsessed with their doctrines. I just got back from lunch, and I realized I was talking to myself. About what? About the Faithful & Discreet Slave and how it doesn't makes sense. Imagine that, I'm walking around downtown on my lunch break debating myself about the F&S class. What do I do after that? I post a thread here after browsing the most active thread topics. After getting home from the meeting last night, I cooked some dinner, and watched a little TV. Then I started browsing here looking for the latest rumor in WTville. I had trouble sleeping last night, so I got up and started studying the arguments in Carl Jonnson's Gentile Times book. This morning while in the shower, I'm thinking about the F&S class and Babylon the Great again. This can't be normal, can it? Lately my dad has been referring to the scripture on "those ruining the earth" Rev 11:18, so now that's circulating in my brain.

  Did you experience similar? You ever go through a period of obsession with all things WT related upon developing apostate leanings? You ever just start thinking about WT related controversies while doing random things like shopping or cutting the grass? Has your Bible reading and study increased dramatically since awakening?
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  snowbird

  I MOST CERTAINLY DID.

  SYL
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  Mad Sweeney

  Many months out and I'm still in that period. Well, sort of. I'm in more of an explore everything, especially psychology, mode right now but I still can't help but relate every new thing learned back to the Borg somehow.
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  St George of England

  That's me!

  Over the last couple of years I have studied more than in my whole life previously. The more I study, the more I find wrong with JW's. I suffer from every emotion imaginable, I am sad, bitter, resentful, angry, ashamed.... the list goes on.

  A day never passes without me looking on JWN.

  George
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  wasblind

  And i thought i was the only one talkin' to myself, when i think back on all the Bull.

  Good to know i have company
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  babygirl30

  I'm still OBSESSED with this 'site' and with finding out more and more inconsistencies in the org. My BF gets irritated becasue I can be on the computer for HOURS reading and posting - but I think it's understandable! Being that I was born-in and stayed a JW until I was 30yr, there's a LOT of lies I'm trying to uncover.
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  JWoods

  Actually, I convinced myself that it was all BS by about 1979. Quit cold - Never read anything more about it or bothered with information on them (except I did get a copy of COC from Ed Dunlap in the early 80s) for 25 years. Did keep in touch with some others who left at the same time, but nothing particularly religious about it.

  Came here as a kind of secondary experience in around 2005 or 2006 because I was helping a friend who was breaking out of Scientology (found the site by searching for cult awareness places) - and kind of stuck around to relate some of the old times from the 60s and 70s.
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  zoiks

  Yes.
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  LostGeneration

  Yep....for me it lasted about a year, and even now its taking a bit of time to let it all go...Are you still an elder Misery?
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  sd-7

  Absolutely. I feel like Batman, sitting in the Batcave--more like the Michael Keaton version, taking my glasses off occasionally to ponder something. I was consumed by it for all of 2009 and it's been on-and-off this year. I still read WT study articles sometimes. I have to remind myself that I'm not going crazy, that this is real, that it really was an illusion.

  I am also starting to detect a direct correlation between my wife's behavior and whatever topic is being studied in the WT that week. This week does NOT look promising for me...as I will not be "reaching out" in this lifetime.

  I will probably never make a clean break with it all, because I feel a need to monitor their activities. I can't shake the feeling that it's all leading to something. Even if I'm wrong, the possibility that it could is enough to not fall asleep on the job. There is little that I read about the WT that surprises me anymore--in the literature, I mean--but occasionally I learn something new and realize, wow, what else have they lied about? What other scriptures were quoted out of context?

  It's an obsession mingled with the lingering sense of horror that I spent more than two decades, the majority of my life, believing these words with barely a second thought. That sense of horror never gets old.