My First Post

by today 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • goldensky

    Dear Today, I'm sorry you are suffering in this "uneven yoke". As a former hard core Witness married to an extraordinarily loving non-Witness husband for 23 years, I strongly advise you to NEVER speak against the organization or the Witnesses. You don't stand a chance. The only reason why I "put up" with my husband not having become a Witness after taking a study for 7 YEARS!!! (out of sheer love) was his inconditional love for me, his total capitulation to let me raise my kids as Witnesses and his never having interfered with any of my deep-held beliefs. Utterly unfair, I know, but nothing my husband had said would have made me understand: the change had to come from within myself. I can only begin to imagine his relief this last year...!!!

    Welcome to the board and all the best to you! You'll get to know us and how different and funny we are little by little...

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    A word of caution. Be careful how freely you use the term "cult." There is not much agreement out there regarding what the term means. Some view it simply as a pejorative that is attached to non-orthodox christian groups and religious movements (and in some respects I tend to agree).

    Remember that specific criticisms of doctrine and practice are seen as disagreements with "the truth." Disagree with them and you disagree with god. It's all your problem, you are the one that needs to get things straight. There is little in terms of rational argument that can arise out of this.

    Also, keep in mind you are new to this. Getting into heated arguments about topics you have lightly researched is not the best path to take!

  • JediMaster

    Welcome to the board. So sad to hear you're going through this. My family has also severy suffered from the "theocratic" rules of the WT. Though it was my mom who was the "crazy one". Just hang in there and keep coming here for support and with any questions you might have. We're all here to help.

    Jedi Master

  • today

    Thanks for sharing your personal stories, it does give me encouragement to know I'm not alone.

    Drew Sagan thank you and I will take your advice. I believe in being careful and thoughtful of how I treat others.

    "Remember that specific criticisms of doctrine and practice are seen as disagreements with "the truth." Disagree with them and you disagree with god. It's all your problem, you are the one that needs to get things straight."

    Wow! This is an eye opener. Knowing this helps, I wont being saying anything negative about the WTS to him. Starting today, until this is resolved or we go our separate ways I'm going to try to make homelife as happy as I can. Some things I don't know how to deal with though, like he doesn't like for my neice and nephew to come over. My neice and nephew are like my own children. They love to come to my house and I love having them.

    I feel really welcomed. Thank you.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to the forum Today.

    Sorry to hear your plight. I see you have a pretty good array of advice already.

    I'm pleased your son has his head screwed on. He would probably enjoy Teach Your Child How to Think by Edward de Bono. It doesn't contain anything that a JW should be able to object to without looking like a right pratt. It might even help your daughter. You would be a better judge of that.



  • goldensky

    Dear Today, I've just answered your PM. I'm so happy everybody is giving you such good advice! Good courage!

  • Quentin
    Quentin have recivied some very good advice...I'm a little more "hardcore" than some. Be sure and carefull, as you do what's needed, you do not become a doormat to be tropped on.

    I left the wt thirty years ago because I married an un-baptized person. It did not matter to them she was studing and, at the time, had interest in the so called "truth". I had, "gasp" became unevenly yoked. That was more important than Kathy's commitment to study and be baptized, which she was willing to do. We went through hell because of the marrage. Their treatment of us crushed any desire she had to become a jw. Which was a good thing as they showed their true colors.

    I made the decision to "cleave" to my wife and left the tower. Best thing I ever did. Best to you and yours as you deal with this difficult situation. Their is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't lose yourself in the process of doing what is in your best interest and the childrens. There are many folks here that can assist and give solid help. Keep posting and don't be afraid to ask questions, even if the question sounds silly to you. When it comes to the jw, wtbts there are no silly questions.

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    Something I might add about JW perceptions of "unbelieving mates" and "worldly people."

    Because the group sees itself as engaged in a battle of good and evil, certain assumptions arise in the minds of the JW believer regarding the moral character of those within and outside the group.

    The label of "worldly" person (which happens to apply to you) denotes that you are outside of the influence and approval of the true christians (i.e. JWs). It is thus assumed (and strongly implied) in JW circles that individuals such as yourself engage in practices, thoughts, beliefs, and behavior that is inferior to what they believe is god's standard. They also tend to believe that people inside the religion are more pure in these areas.

    The outcome is that JWs will tend to see your behavior as reaffirming this stereotype. Actions that threaten their beliefs and hopes will be interpreted through this lens. Even if you are simply trying to engage in a reasonable discussion and compromise, your actions will possibly be seen as an "attack on Jehovah and the truth". Thus, in their eyes you may become the "selfish worldly unbelieving mate who satan is using to work against Jehovah."

    Breaking this stereotype can be a powerful thing.

  • today

    This explains a lot. So quickly he makes an argument where there isn't one. I found myself contstantly explaining, "that's not what I meant or that's not what happened". I finally stopped reacting to these encounters. I read a book, Boundaries, learned not to take it personally. When I stopped reacting to the constant accusations and insults he started with a new tactic. He quit speaking to me. That worked very well and honestly it still does.

  • BluesBrother

    Hello today, ...I do not feel qualified to give advice but welcome to our forum and I really hope that things can improve for you and stepdaughter..

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