by flipper 91 Replies latest jw friends
Well, I've been out for 7 years now, but my last tie to them was cut 3 1/2 years ago when my mother passed away. How is life? Health is shit. Job pisses me off. Don't fit in anywhere, and I'm not sure that I want to. "Fitting in" always seems to involve a compromise of sorts, and I'm all "compromised out". Other than feeling trapped by age, health, and economics I suppose I'm ok. At least I don't have the cult shit on top of everything else.
W
FINALLY FREE- I hear you. I exited about 7 years ago as well . It really does take time to move on so to speak from the cult. I know what you mean about being all " compromised out " . It seems like we had to adjust our lives and twist our lives around everything JW when we were in. Whether it was JW family or former JW marriage mates. None of us counted as people - we were just statistics. I'm sorry you're having health problems, and definitely work can be a royal hassle dealing with brain dead co-workers for sure. One reason I work by myself self employed. Hang in there guy, the economy is really tough, we are feeling it too. At least we have our freedom of mind though ! Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
I can honestly say that so far 2010 has been the best year of my life. I started fading for a few months and then quit cold turkey.
My family life is better. My internal satisfaction is better. My kid is better behaved. My wife is WAY happier. I'm feeling great.
An elder friend from a former congregation stopped by the other day and I blew my chance to try and help him. I was so heavy into defense-mode, deflecting questions and protecting my family, that I didn't take advantage of any opportunities to tell him anything that might help him escape the Borg. So I feel kind of bad about the missed opportunity but I feel good that I didn't let on anything that could get us DFd.
Great thread. This kind of interaction is very encouraging to newbies.
Some aspects of life are much better, others are less so. Some good days, few bad days, mostly just "blah" days. I'm content with that.
Have a hard time maintaining conections with people or making friends. Dating is nonexistant. Feel like I've wasted my life, and wasn't taught how to "grow up". Miss the activities I used to do, the ones I still try I don't do very well. My memory and cognitive abilities are kaput, miss being able to follow a line of thought and act upon it. Body hurts, wore out before my time, mostly due to sleep deprivation and stress. I would do almost anything to have half my physical capacity back.
Wow that's depressing, but I am better off.
Great thread, Flipper.
I would just like to say that reading everyone's posts is very encouraging. It's so great to know that I'm not alone in my situation.
It's so easy to get a "poor me" syndrome and lose sight of all the others who are undergoing something similar. There is strength in numbers, even if we only know each other through this website.
SD-7- I know it must be a challenge for you being married to a JW. However if you get a chance take the time to read Steve hassan's books on Cult Mind Control. Especially the 2nd book " Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves ". It has great ideas of how to talk with JW or cult relatives without triggering a fight or hassle. I've used some of those tactics with my JW daughters and it has worked good at times. It is great to feel a load off of our shoulders for sure. I agree with you- Freedom is a GREAT ideal to replace JWism with. A free mind is a wonderful learning ground. Hang in there guy.
Actually, I've already read them both--though I more or less skimmed the second one. I got married before I could finish that one--figured reading a book from "America's #1 Cult Counselor" might not go over well with wife. Um...she started really leaning on me not that long ago and angrily demanded that I throw out all 'apostate' books and stop talking to ex-JWs. I threw out said books--including Hassan's book. (I gave his first book to my then therapist, but now I can't afford therapy anymore, or at least haven't found an affordable therapist that I like.) I stopped talking to ex-JWs for awhile, then...resumed again.
I've bent over backwards to accomodate my wife and she still treats me like crap. I'm sure she would be furious if she knew about my being 'in violation of treaty' here. If she found my JWN posts, she would be signing the divorce papers, I'm sure, even if it got her in trouble! (My guess is the elders might just up the ante to 'public reproof' and tell her she can't remarry if she did that, after all, her husband WAS evil...)
There are days, like today, when I feel that freedom alone is not enough. There's still a huge vacuum that needs to be filled with something meaningful. Starting to feel like the Borg is trying to reassimilate me. As much as freedom is nice, I'm getting lonely as my wife seems more like she wants someone to take out her anger on than a husband and a friend. Sorry...no need to get into that here.
I think I'm also struggling with the morally gray areas I entered on the way out. Feeling like I hurt a lot of people, including my wife, doesn't sit well with me. Feels like I lost a lot of honor on this path. Just wondering what's left for me. I'm beyond holding grudges with myself at this point, but I compromised too much during that period of being in a state of shock about my research. Got taken advantage of and didn't put up a fight. My dumbness. But I guess I'll live.
-sd-7
I'd also like to add that TheListener makes a very good point. Amazing to read so many different experiences like this.
Thanks for all the responses. Worked all night on a floor stripping job - so finally back after a nap ! LOL !
MAD SWEENEY- I'm so happy for you that you, your wife, and child are happier and doing well. Don't berate yourself TOO much for not opening up to the elder in trying to assist him with his own mind controlled state. Your first instinct was right to protect your family and be careful with how much you reveal about your fade. It's a very fine line and balancing act between helping JW's think about mind control and analyze their beliefs while still not outing yourself to elders to get exposed and harassed by them. The longer you' ve been out of the witnesses you'll gain more security and know WHEN to bring up points to JW's. Keep on enjoying your freedom friend. Good for you.
DARK UNCLE- I hear what you are saying. There are good days and bad days for sure after exiting the witnesses. I went through the same the first couple years after leaving the witnesses. So what you are going through is normal. Don't be too hard on yourself about it. It takes time to feel social confidence and social skills once we've been in a " closed society " like Jehovah's Witnesses. Perhaps there are volunteer groups you can get into where you would meet more people. Do you have any non-witness relatives available for talking ? Any FORMER friends you could look up on Facebook that you went to school with before you were a witness ? I recently rekindled 2 friendships with former friends I hadn't talked to in 20 yrs. & 30 yrs. Now- I am close to both of these buddy's . So life can turn on a dime in a positive way , believe me. Don't give up friend !
SCARRED FOR LIFE- Thanks my friend. Yeah, I prefer staying with these topics compared with my more " controversial " recent topics ! LOL !
THE LISTENER- Good points. There is strength in numbers . It's very comforting to see that we are not alone . If we have all exited the Jehovah's Witness cult- we are all survivors and should be supprtive towards one another. You are right- it IS the point of this thread.
SD-7 - That is great that you have read Steve Hassan's books to enlighten yourself on mind control. It will help you understand WHY your JW wife treats you the way she does. If she KEEPS treating you in a negative fashion - in time only YOU will have to ask yourself " What causes me to let her keep abusing me emotionally ? " Since you've gone to a therapist - I'm sure they have talked with you about this and revealed things to you. Would it be possible for your wife to go with you to marriage counseling ? I know MOST JW's won't agree to go to marriage counseling- my 1st wife wouldn't go- ( a JW I was married 19 yrs. to ) - that being said - if your wife continues to ignore HER part in hurting your marriage , the long term prognosis will not be good. I'd try to influence her to go to couples counseling. Don't keep berating yourself with guilt - you are not to blame- it is not wrong to desire freedom of mind . The reason you have that guilt is it was instilled in you as a JW. I had it too at one time- even AFTER exiting the cult. And fear also . There is nothing to be afraid of . Yes, it's hard to move forward, but staying stuck in a situation where your mate disrespects you and is mean is no fun either. I know- I went through 2 bad marriages. Finally got it right with marriage # 3. Hang in there guy, keep positive - you will make it , but realize staying in a constant emotional rut is not healthy either. Good luck to you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Any newly exited over the last 5 years ? Let us know how you are doing ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
