by compound complex 35 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
You're absolutely correct, StAnn.
Though a difficult decision, it's not an impossible one. Perhaps I'm not allowing my family the benefit of the doubt insofar as doing the right thing by me. More than once some family members have shown themselves humane and not rule followers when push came to shove.
Your firm but just view has helped - honestly, it has!
Gratefully,
CoCo
I lived with Andy. I didn't get disfellowshipped. I had been gone from my congregation for so long and am so far away, they didn't do anything to me. My family talked to me off and on until they decided I am a hopeless apostate.
Life is too short to live it single just to stay in good with family, Coco. My happiness is just as important as the JW's.
CoCo- I hope you have found someone to share life with and have some happiness with ! Good for you.
O.K. In answer to your question - my 2nd divorce from my non-witness wife in 2003/early 2004 was at first an unscriptural seperation. It took 9 months for me to just casually ask if she had moved on and was dating, she said yes she had a boyfriend - so my older elder dad ( early 80's ) recommended I put it in writing to my former elders ( I hadn't attended meetings for 9 months ) that my wife committed adultery. So I posted a letter to the P.O. on the Kingdom hall door. I later found out that they got it- so I was free in the congregations eyes. ( Like I really cared by then. )
Later when I started dating Mrs. Flipper in 2006 - by fall my 1st JW ex-wife started a rumor that I was living with Mrs. Flipper before we married ( although I was scripturally free to re-marry ) and my ex tried maligning my character to my JW family ( my parents, older brother, sister, etc. ) and it started the elders sniffing out any evidence of alleged " circumstancial fornication ". As you probably know I denied anything and fought the allegations in an appeal committee as they would have DFed me for refusing to attend my witch hunt initial JC meeting - even without evidence. The reason I fought the allegations was so my 80 something year old parents wouldn't shun me. Fortunately I won my appeal - they didn't DF me- but it dragged out 9 months , sucked energy out of me AND STILL to this day my ex-wife has turned my JW daughters 23 and 21 against me for fighting and winning my appeal committee meeting. Because you see - Allegedly " We aren't supposed to fight for our rights or stand up to the elders. It's rebellious. "
So My parents treat me and the Mrs. good, as do my brother and one sister , nephews and nieces. But if you have an JW ex-wife in the picture who may still hold a grudge- just be prepared for the possibility of her turning your adult kids against you. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Just being straight with you. I lost my contact number with you. I'll PM you ours if you'd like to talk my friend. Remember, my wife and I are always here for you, don't forget. Hang in there bud, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
CoCo- I sent you a PM. Please read, it might be helpful. Thanks, Peace out, Flipper
Thanks, FlyingHighNow and Mr. Flipper:
I do recall some aspects of your respective stories and appreciate your ability to be both straightfoward and forward-looking. Your positive outlook and the desire to help others through personal lessons learned have always resonated with me. You both are inspiring.
I still intend to meet you, Mr. Flipper, and the lovely Mrs. Flipper. My life now is tending toward opening up. Thank you for always keeping the door open.
Baby steps ... baby steps....
Gratefully,
CoCo
I left my JW husband in 2001, I admitted to adultrey so he would be free to remarry even though it had not happened yet. I wanted a complete and total cut in the marriage. I knew I would likely never return to the witnesses. One elder told me the rules stated that a person could not be considered for reinstatement if it was adultrey for 10 years. I left, I married my childhood sweetheart and have never regretted my decision. My ex-husband who was a ministerial servant at the time I left was free to remarry after I left him and we were separated for 1 year. He has married another JW woman.
I simply wanted no more ties to my ex-husband nor did I want my marriage to him left intact when I left. I did lie but it was necessary so far as I was concerned.
Thank you, Balsam, for your openness.
From my new perspective, I see your point clearly and don't question your motives or judge. For whatever reason a marriage dies, one of the partners must make a move. Now I am able to empathize with the "antagonist": he/she may very well have made the break just for survival's sake. I know ... I know.
I'm glad you have no regrets. As a once true but uncertain believer, my constant indecision and waiting upon others for answers served to unhinge me. Thinking for myself and acting decisively is my current mo. Well, I'm getting better at it.
I really appreciate your moxie. Maybe a bit will rub off on me!
Many thanks,
CoCo
This is what the Flock book (Elders Manual) has to say on page 135:
Courting or dating when one party is not free to marry is
wrong. (w80 8/1 pp. 30-1 ; w68 4/15 pp. 255-6)
Strong counsel and repeated warnings should be given,
and if the counsel is ignored, the individual(s) may be
marked. (2 Thess . 3 :14, 15)
When such action has escalated to the point where it has
become shocking and repeated efforts to help adjust the
situation have been ignored, there may be basis for taking
disfellowshipping action . (Gal . 5 :19; w83 3/15 p. 31 ;
w73 9/15 pp . 574-6)
If a person who has entered into an adulterous marriage is
eventually reinstated, it would be a rare case for him to
be recommended to serve in a responsible position in the
congregation, at least not until after the remarriage or
death of the mate he put away without Scriptural basis .
The witlesses treat it as adultery. If anyone divorces a spouse and the spouse did not commit adultery, then the one seeking the divorce would be still viewed as married in the eyes of the congregation. If either later remarries, and does so without the other committing fornication before (and proving it to the congregation), the witlesses would treat it as adultery.
Thank you, DS and WTW, for the straight dope. I appreciate your taking time to lay out the Watchtower R&Rs.
CoCo
