Oh, Crap, JW Family ReunionMy

by StAnn 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • jamiebowers

    I guess I'm lucky...it's the jws who don't show up for my family's reunion. If they are toxic people, stay away from even if they're family.

  • StAnn

    Jamie, my entire family of origin consists of JWs. And, yes, they are all toxic.

    I think that is part of why I've been so saddened that my Uncle Chuck died last December. He was my last non-JW relative. Now all of the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., are JWs, plus my siblings and mother and half-way-there father.

    I really just focus on my husband and three children and soon-to-be daughter-in-law. That's my family now.


  • Snoozy

    First I can't believe he would invite you with all the other JW's going to be there. Wouldn't he receive some kind of reproof for that alone?

    Second, I would also encourage your brother to go along with you.

    Third, I would take the kids along to see their relatives. How the relatives act is their own problem. They will just be showing what jerks they are. May be good for your dad to see them act that way. Apparently he doesn't go along with their feelings or he wouldn't have invited you or your brother in the first place.

    If he has any evil intentions, it will just make you feel better and that your feelings about him were justified at least you won't have to carry a guilt that you should have went to see him when you could.

    Forth, having had a domineering/controlling JW husband myself it angers me to hear you say that "My husband refuses to let the kids go". They have a right to visit their relatives.You have a right to make that decision. If anyone gets obnoxious, let the kids say something like, "That wasn't a nice thing to say or do to my Mommy!"..

    I hope you change your mind, if only to show the evil JW mommy your dad still cares about his kids! Is she your step Mom or something?

    NOW..., let me tell of an experience I had when I was fading away.

    My JW MIL 's good friends had a get together because my JW sister in law was visiting from NY..she was a good JW and married a JW..they pioneered for a long time together before they had kids. Anyway, my hubby said his Mom told me I could come and have a dinner with them. It was a pot luck informal dinner.

    I was sitting in the front room and NO ONE taked to me. No One!.
    We went in the kitchen to eat and there was NO place for me to sit.
    No one said a word as I walked around the table.

    I finally gave up and held back my tears and went in the kitchen where all the little kids were and found a seat by them. I knew what was going on.
    No One said a word. My hubby didn't notice and my kids were invited to sit at the grown up table.
    I would have left but it was a long walk home and hubby drove.
    I fought the tears all the way home. then they came..and the anger..I was so mad at my husband ..you wouln't believe how mad I was.
    I vowed to never go to another JW get together no matter what.

    I knew my JW MIL had put a bug in everyones ears as she had previously treated me the same way. If we went over to their house for dinner after an invite she would suddenly get a headache and go to the bedroom. Very ackward for the rest of us. I knew it was her hubby's idea to invite us.
    If I went to see her she would not talk to me but grunt. She would however talk to the kids and hubby.It hurt her JW in training hubby, you could tell.
    Did I mention that wiith hubby's encouragement we had previously sold out own house (at a loss) and bought the one next door to them? We ended up taking a loss on this home also and moving further away..

    After that they moved to the country. Funny, the witnesses down there treated me with respect even eating with all of us. We had to go to their farm and help hubby's parents who were both JW's now with chores as they were getting older.

    Then came a invite in the mail. The JW's down there were putting together a Wedding anniversary for my in-laws. We were all invited, my name was even on the invite. These JW's knew my position that I had Dissasociated myself long ago but still invited me. They had asked their elder if it was OK to axxociate with me and he wrote the society for a copy of my letter. After he received it they were told it was OK to associate with me but not to talk about spiritual matters with me.
    (They still held my hand when they said a group prayer when eating. They often visited my in laws while we were doing chores for them). So, I go out and buy new outfits for all of us and a gift for my inlaws..thinking how wonderful it is going to be.

    Next day I get a letter from my JW sister in law in N.Y. who was also coming down for the party. She said it was a mistake and that I wasn't really invited as I may stumble someone. Here we go again! So I am clearly upset. Hubby has a private conversation with his sister. I am not involved in it. Later after seeing how upset I am he decides not to go. I was shocked.

    Did I mention that they had invited a few relatives that had been witnesses years earlier and had left, but they were never baptised. Also many catholic relatives were invited.
    We went up there later and cut the grass etc. When we went back in we were all talking and they were showing pictures to us of the party. Surprise, they knew nothing about the sister sending us a letter. They felt really bad because we didn't go. The JW sil had acted on her own. (She had went back to NY) I wonder what kind of discussion they had with her later..

    I could go on and on but I just wanted to say, it is your decision and your pain. I can say to go and you won't regret it as he is your dad..but it is still you that has to be a part of any cruelty on their part. Maybe if you dad can say he will not allow anyone to treat you disrespectfully you would feel better about going, but I doubt that would happen.

    Let us know what you decide and what happens.
    Sorry to ramble so much in your thread but it struck a painful memory for me..


  • Quandry

    So I could go (alone) and spend the day talking only to my dad while the rest sit around and ignore me. Fun, fun, fun.


    You know, that does change everything. No, no one should have to go to a function and be totally ignored. Why would your father want you to do that?

    Perhaps, as others suggested, the two of you could go for lunch. Perhaps he just does not realize the shunning is going on to the extent it is. He's never been the object of it, so maybe doesn't understand?

  • Scully

    My rule of thumb is that if one family member is excluded from a "family" function because of JW "rules", then I boycott the function, because excluding a family member makes it a JW-centred function, not a family-centred one.

  • BurnTheShips
    Why is he doing this? Hasn't spoken to me in over a year and then invites me to a Hoviefest? No thank you.

    I've noticed with JW family that these things follow a pattern. After the next DC or CO visit, he will probably shut the door again.

    I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. The recent arrival of a new daughter meant that I had to deal with my wife's JW family. My wife is OK to them, but I am the evil apostate husband that led her astray.


  • Scarred for life
    Scarred for life

    St Ann, you are not alone. It is better to remove toxic people from your life even if they are "family'. I am the same as you. My family is my husband and children. My in-laws are a fairly decent bunch.

    I'm really sorry, Snoozy. You may want to remove some toxic people from your life, too.

    The JWs grow toxic people.

  • StAnn

    Snoozy, regarding the comments my husband made about not allowing the children to go because he would not allow them to see me being mistreated, the children are his biological children. I'm their stepmother. Their biological mother is dead. So he has a right to say no and they're not losing out by not seeing my family. And my mother is my mother. Gave birth to me and then subsequently ignored me.

    And I can't believe that you do so much for your in-laws despite their treatment of you. You're a better woman than I am.

    Quandry, my father refuses to admit the truth about his family. He has this deluded idea that if he just tries hard enough, he can have all six of his children together and have a happy family. Well, he screwed that pooch when he let our mother raise us as JWs. My parents were baptist when they married and she converted 50 years ago. He went along, although he never fully converted himself. The disunity in the family is the fruitage he reaps for being whipped and letting my mother call the shots throughout their entire marriage. He really buries his head in the sand about the way the JWs act.

    Scully, I like your motto. One for all, all for one.

    Burn, what do you mean, the arrival of a new daughter? Do you have a new baby????? Do tell, you evil apostate you!

    Burn, you're also right that as soon as my family goes to the DC, they'll be holier than thou and pressure dad to shun me again. That's part of the reason I've been angry with him because he refused to talk to me at my uncle's funeral because all of the JWs could see him. So he walked past me like I wasn't there. My dad is the oldest child and my uncle who died was the baby of the family, so I felt sorry for my dad and went up to him at the funeral and put my arm around him. He just jerked away and pushed my arm down and went off to be with the JWs. Since my dad is not technically a JW, that was uncalled for.

    Scarred, you are right. There's something toxic in the air around a JW.


  • Soldier77
    My rule of thumb is that if one family member is excluded from a "family" function because of JW "rules", then I boycott the function, because excluding a family member makes it a JW-centred function, not a family-centred one.

    I'm adopting this motto Scully!

    So let me get this straight StAnn. You are DF'd too correct? So if your family went into an uproar over your DF'd brother being invited, wouldn't they be of the same mind to do that with you? If your family is as big as mine at our family reunions, and the house is about 100 decibels, kids running around screaming, teenagers playing video games, the grown ups telling stories etc, it really isn't the time to make a point about the wrongs your dad did.

    Just saying, if you want to make a point, do it one on one and in private. Whatever you decide, looks like you have made a decision, good luck and I hope you all the best in spending time with your dad.

  • Quandry


    He just jerked away and pushed my arm down and went off to be with the JWs. Since my dad is not technically a JW,that was uncalled for.

    He needs to "get off the fence." Does he realize that if he does not take the plunge, just hanging out and pretending to be a JW makes him bird-food in their eyes? Some might start shunning HIM for this, as has happen to others on this forum. I wonder why he finds shunning so appealing if he is not even a JW? Uncalled for, indeed.

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