Help! I need advideQ Elders want to speak to me..

by cia171 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • cantleave

    They have no control over you.

    Tell them you will know when you will be ready for baptism, you need to build your relationship with Jehovah, which will take time.

    As for the BF, that is at present, none of their business. You do of course appreciate their concern for your spiritual well being.

  • wannabefree

    If you are an unbaptized publisher, they may want information about your relationship with your boyfriend. Good thing is that "Cia171 is no longer an unbaptized publisher" doesn't carry the same good as disfellowshipped label as the old "Cia171 is no longer an approved associate".

    Since you aren't baptized, I would believe they just want an encouragement session with you. If you are an unbaptized publsiher, it would be possible they want to find out if you still qualify.

  • Quillsky

    Not a captive, this is beautiful anti-cult-speak....

    "I don't need more knowledge. I can already answer all the baptism questions. But I don't have a relationship with God. I am not dedicated. My mom always said that was the most important part. I don't have a relationship with Jehovah yet."

    I hope it helps someone somewhere, and I wish I'd had the courage as a teen to say something like that.

    All the very best to your daughter and you.

  • Quandry

    Welcome, cia171.

    So glad to hear that you are in college. Isn't knowledge freeing and exciting?

    Take a deep breath. Even though you are a bit older than the WTS likes to see baptised, you still have time to "make up your mind." Yes, they will try to put pressure on you. I like the answer from the teen mentioned earlier. Don't allow them to make your choices for you.

    Pell grants may be time-consuming and hard to get. For other financial assistance the school will look at the ability to pay from your family. You are wise to "lay low" until the education is completed. At this time in your life, your education is the most important thing you can will be yours and no one can take it from you. It will open doors for you all your life, and give you a sense of satisfaction.

    I will give you motherly advise that others may disagree with. You do not have to have a sexual relationship to have a boyfriend, even if he pressures you to. You can have the utmost respect for yourself, and value yourself as a person, not an object for sex. If he demands that you have sex, then that gives you a clue.......

    The elders are going to want to know if you are still an "approved associate" for the congregation. You have some choices to make. I for one don't like to see anyone having to "live a lie."

    I do not know if your relationship with your boyfriend is sexual, but they will want to know. You can put them off for a while, but the discussion is probably inevitable. They will even pull you into "the back room" during a meeting, if they feel they can't meet with you any other time.

    Hoping the best for you now and in the future.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I do not know if your relationship with your boyfriend is sexual, but they will want to know.

    Those were my thoughts, as well. It is likely that they have given up on you and don't want your "bad influence" on the other kids in the congregation. They want to discover that you've had sex with the boy so that they can remove you from good standing in the congregation. As mentioned, it isn't as bad as DFing but if they combine the announcement with a local needs part on "the immoral dangers of higher education" then you'll be shunned just the same.

    Meeting with them may force you to either lie or incriminate yourself.

    Good luck and never give up on your education, especially if you have a chance to take psychology, sociology, and social psychology. You'll lever look at the Dubs the same way again.

  • Quillsky

    Quandry, what a lovely post.

  • BoomTown

    As one who has recently left the religion after 7 years of being baptized, just be polite. Answer their questions without answering there questions. You are in a great spot right now. You aren't baptized. The elders and the congregation will always put there best foot forward with you because of this. Just be polite and loving to them this one time and they should leave you alone for a solid year to a year and a half. If the CO is coming into town, just delay the visit til after his stay. Chances are once he leaves, shepherding you will be the last thing on their minds.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    BoomTown........Welcome to the board. Nice advice in your first post. Looks like you will fit in great.

    Think About It

  • BluesBrother
    either why havent i gotten baptized

    Perhaps you are not yet ready? Perhaps you just need a little more time to think ? It is too late for this Summer anyway, unless your Assembly is very late.

    You are a person who hates to feel pushed but you might promise to give it some real thought , but it has to be personal, and No you do not need a Bible Study....

    Above all, keep them amicable and deny everthing about boyfriend

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Hey guys.... she ISNT BAPTISED. The elders dont have ANY AUTHORITY over her to do ANYTHING to her nor do they have any right to hold the inquisition into her personal life. THEY HAVE NO AUTHORITY. Either the Kingdom Halls are open to the public or they are not. There were people in my hall who were NEVER baptized and were there for DECADES. They didnt bother anybody. They were polite and receptive. But they never got baptized and I have to believe that they didnt WANT to subject their lives and every single aspect of it to this Borg.

    She does NOT have to answer questions and subject herself to their questionable moral standards.


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