I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

by headoverheels 40 Replies latest social relationships

  • headoverheels

    When I fell for him I was completely unaware of his upbringing as a JW and only became aware once he decided to leave a few months back. Being raised without much of a religious basis, besides the typical Western Christian exposure, I have researched, read, attended groups, read in this forum, to try to better understand him, and JWs, but I am feeling at a loss here. He just recently left the JWs and now I am experiencing this struggle with him; I am wondering how much of our problems can be contributed to this transition. I believe that although he has left the JWs, he has these lingering chauvinistic ways and if I do not act according to certain standards ( a level of passivity) he will ignore me or tell me things, on rare occasions, like "Shut up" "F you" which he says I provoke. He has an incredibly loving side; however, it only seems to surface if I am passive and talk to him just so. I am hoping for input. I do not want to leave a man I love during a difficult time; however if there is no hope for these ways to pass, I must. Anyways, so (I swear there is a question in here) how common are these types of behaviors among JW men; are they likely to pass; is there anything I can do to help nurture his growth and transition instead of just leaving him?

  • Cagefighter

    A) Very common... He doesn't have a lot of experience with real love and acceptance is moderately paranoid God is going to bust some sh*t on him at any moment.

    B) Take as much as you can but I would say he is probably not aware of these problems.

    C) It might take you and a few other ladies leaving to make him think about it if ever.

    D) Good luck.

  • mrsjones5

    if I do not act according to certain standards ( a level of passivity) he will ignore me or tell me things, on rare occasions, like "Shut up" "F you" which he says I provoke.

    Uh nuh girlfriend, I just saw a red light. You provoke his nasty behavior toward you? You have to act passive for him to be nice and loving to you? Does sound normal and is this what you really want?

    I'd think twice about going any further with this guy or at least demand that he treat you better.

    Personally I'd cut and run.

  • mentallyfree31

    When a man tells a woman to "Shut up" and "F--- you", i'm just not okay with that. That's a huge red flag for me. I realize I don't have all the facts here, but that's a bad vibe for me.


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Get this book at your library. http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440

    It sounds like he is a control freak. It won't get better. Run away.


  • megs

    For your own sake, get out now. It does not matter what religion he is, that kind of passive aggressive behaviour is uncalled for. You are worth more than that.

  • sherah

    IA with MrsJ and Mentallyfree; sounds like he has some pent up aggression and anger issues seething beneath the surface. It could be directly related to his upbringing as witness or just his authentic personality. Either way, it doesn't bode well for you. Run like the wind, life is too short to be dealing with a chauvinist timebomb.

  • Lozhasleft

    Dont stay in a relationship with anyone who treats you less than precious....trust me it wont improve...if he feels able to call the shots to this extent you are onto a loser....you dont need to put up with controlling or abuse from anyone from any religion...I agree you should walk away and keep in mind the following :

    Dont let anyone put you down; and dont do it to yourself.

    Take care

    Loz x

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    Yeah, never a good idea for a guy to tell his lady to shut the f*** up. Much better to get ear plugs.

  • Twitch

    Leaving him is the best thing you can do for yourself.

    And maybe it will help him too. Maybe

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