I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

by headoverheels 40 Replies latest social relationships

  • mentallyfree31

    I'm gonna agree with Sherah and jamiebowers in their above statements.



    I really think you should run for your life. Just the fact that his family are still JW's means that the possibility of him returning and giving up his mind to be controlled by the Org. will always be there. Just imagine some tradgedy that befalls him. One of his family member dies and the rest of the family put the pressure on him about returning to the Org. so that he can be with his loved ones in the New System. Maybe he loses a job and has a hard time getting employment, then he starts to blame everything on this wicked system of things. There are all kinds of situations that can trigger his reinterest in the Org. Maybe by then you'll be married or have kids. God help you then. I'm a man married to a JW and all of this has happend to me. Trust me, you don't want this...

  • yknot

    Okay so....

    He is verbally abusive......but you aren't ready to leave.

    You want to associate this agressive behavior with his exiting and transition.

    You want to help him.

    ........... Okay ............

    Sit him down....... at the computer (laptop, netbook etc....just a bigger screen than an Iphone)

    Type in the forum's addy

    Tell him, you think he needs to talk about things with people who understand better than you.

    Tell him this is the largest group of Ex and exiting witnesses on the internet.

    Here he will find all walks of life in the WTS from R&F publishers to those who have had 'grander' privileges of serving the Organization.


    You understand he is stressed but hurting you isn't a coping skill........................ it is abuse!

    It must stop immediately or you will be leaving ------- be FIRM on this matter.......... it may suck but if you have to leave it will teach him a valuable lesson....(don't fret about leaving him in a lurch, he is a big boy and you have shared this forum's addy for him to find exiting support which you, yourself cannot offer)

    As a JW he has been taught about assigning you honor as the 'weaker vessel'........ he should always treat you with respect as a man who wishes to care, protect and love you.

    He will go through the stages of loss and grief.


    I don't know this fellow, I hope after showing this thread to him..... he discerns his error in judgment and corrects his path. I hope this has just been a moment of bad choices and he appreciates the posters who are deeply concerned about your well being in light of his actions.

  • Mad Dawg
    Mad Dawg

    Some thoughts:

    · If his attitudes are unacceptable now, are you willing to bet the rest of your life that he will improve?

    · Pity for him is not a good basis for a relationship.

    · You can’t fix anyone.

    · I was an absolute mess at the time my wife and I were dating, I have NEVER been abusive to her in any way. Depression or what ever is no excuse.

    · If you are willing to cater to him now, why shouldn’t he expect the same in the future?

    · If you decide, in the future, that you will not take it anymore; you are going to completely overturn his world – again.

    · Do you want sons that behave just as he does?

    · Do you want your daughters to be treated as you are?

    What you do is your business. I fear for your children. Do what you know you should do - for your sake as well as your future children. I truly wish for happiness for the both of you. From the sounds of things, he has a lot of stuff to work out before he is able to engage in a healthy relationship.

  • headoverheels

    I spent a lot of time combing through all your responses. I'm quite grateful and it gave me tons to consider; for example, the words "he has zero respect for you" really hit home with me...

    Anyhow update: just found out he was messing around behind my back, cheating on me. Turns out I'm not so cut out for unconditional love. How interesting, as I self-assess, that I was willing to tolerate the verbal abuse, but when it comes to another woman's kibbles-n-bits, I'm out. Well I'll be eating crow.

    Nevertheless, thank you for your input and support.


  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    My 2p on this...

    I am in a similar position to your man except I dont have a relationship with anyone (yet). I am leaving the religion but not quite out yet as trying not to lose my family doing it. :(

    You dont give your age group or his or his previous experience with women if any.

    These are generalisations I admit and there are obvious exceptions...

    A lot of young JW men are arrogant pricks who are sexually repressed and view women as inferior to them, this will be especially so if his father was in the religion and serving as an Elder. Basically the higher up the father was then the more of a prick the son will be. JW's whose father was either not in the religion or not very "into" it tend to make for better more rounded individuals in my opinion.

    He may be inexperienced with women (unless he's been a bad boy). His new found freedom may have a negative effect on your relationship in that he has a need (conscious or otherwise) to play around and make up for lost time with lots of women. If this is the case he will resent you and any persieved efforts to "tie him down" in a serious relationship.

    Only you know the details and the history between you. I'd recommend the direct approach of shock and awe for this. Pick your moment with care, reassure him of your care and love (if you have it) and then state clearly what the problem is and what hurts you and how you'd like to be treated and what you expect. If he's a real man worth having the penny will drop and he will seek your input into going forward. If he throws a hissy fit, well then you have your answer... he wont change.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Oops didnt notice 2nd page on this lol. But hey i was right he was cheating on you.


  • mentallyfree31

    Best of luck to you headoverheels.


  • RR
    I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

    Oh, you said "fell for one", I thought you said "fell on one" .... my bad


    Sounds like the guy could use therapy.


Share this