Trying to live the rest of my life without being bitter.

by Bigdummy 32 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LisaRose

    Welcome. Your bitterness is understandable, I think we have all been there at one point. What helps me is to remember that no matter what I had done in my life I would have some regrets. I also try to appreciate the things about being a Jehovah's Witness that made me a better person. Perseverance, working toward goals, self discipline, these are all things that I developed because of the religion that are still helpful to me.

    It's not that I am glad I was a JW, I consider joining the worst decision of my life, it's just that I choose, every day, to let it go, to look to my future, not my past, to think about my life in a positive way. Holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die, and nobody has time for that.

    I find meditation to be very helpful.

  • Ding

    What never made sense to me is that the 144,000 is supposedly literal but the 12 tribes and each of the 12,000s are supposedly symbolic, although it was never made clear what they are symbolic of.

  • Magnum
    the WTBTS tv show I can't take it anymore. I told my wife it looks like any other tv evangelical show.

    Yep. The reason you're having issues with JWdom is that you have discernment. You can see things that blind JWs can't see. Those of us on this site recognize the deception, the phoniness, the hypocrisy, the stuff that doesn't make sense, etc.

    I appreciated your point in the opening post about the 144,000. You're a thinker and that's another reason you're having issues with JWdom. JWdom doesn't want people who really think.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Welcome BigD and thank you for sharing.... It is a hard and cruel awakening when you are older, my husband is 68 & and I am in my 50's.... So looking back is very ..... well very much a lot of things. :(

    We too, had doubts, but pulled them back in, assuming that "God's Organization" was always the best way to follow.... but some things just could never really be squared away. Like, blood fractions?? Really?? Yet you were still not supposed to store your own blood?? And the heavenly, angelic trumpet blasts in the book of Revelation being Resolutions made at certain assemblies back in the 1920's (these same resolutions that no one remembers or mentions?)

    And why did we not do more for widows and orphans if that was form of worship which God approved?

    Why did the "load" one carried in the congregation never feel refreshing and light?

    Have you read Crisis of Conscience? I'm almost afraid to recommend it to you, as it might make you plenty angry. But it was written by a former member of the governing body, and he was in his 60's too when kicked out.... He spent most of his life thinking he was serving the true God, even forfeiting having children with his wife. Oh boy, does he ever have some things to say, all documented. I read it with tears pouring down my face and have never felt so betrayed.

    A friend of mine says she believes we are all put here "to learn something" and that the religion must have given me something I needed in life. So I try to remember the best and good things about it, but then I also think of the high price and the things we can never gain back or recover, and I too feel very angry. And dumb. But stuff like that can hold us back from moving forward.

    Be gentle and take your time with your wife.... Keep reading, keep listening... and do not blame yourself for the path your life has taken, your parents really thought, as we all did, that we truly had the best way of life.

  • blondie

    I was 3 when my mother was baptized, but her parents had been Bible Students. It is 60 years later, but my husband and I have been out for 13 years. Sometimes I regret the time I wasted but I am enjoying the life I have. Not having the support of your wife can make it difficult but find activities that give you joy and non-jw ones you both enjoy.


  • WideAwake7
    Hey don't be bitter ...I was a elder for 20 years ....I gave most of my life to the Borg . But I was lucky it took my children to give mr the strength to just WAKEUP ... My wife is the the nucleus of our family and she is strong . For her it's like " let it go "'s hard for me I did wonderful things for others and I always stood up what was right and I questioned always . But now I need this forum every morning to keep me going to keep mind free and joyful that I made the right decision to fade away with my whole family .... I am lucky not like others . I only have my mom ( who have dementia ) , sister who do not talk to me , and my father in law who is a diehard JW at 96 years of age . But I am the happiest I have ever been in my life ....even though I did not do what I wanted to do early in my life . But my children will all 5 of them . Thank GOD we faded away .
  • 4thgen
    Welcome to the forum. Bitterness is normal. We were duped. We believed that the "truth' was the "truth" but is was a lie. You devoted your live to what you honestly believed. You and all of us were deceived. With time, hopefully you can move beyond the bitterness. Be gentle with yourself. You have been through a traumatic awakening. You are welcome here, we all understand, even though we are all at different stages of recovery.
  • What is Truth?
    What is Truth?

    Welcome, It is so great you have been able to wake up.

    Is it me or are there many joining the forum lately?

    Hey I was at an ASSembly yesterday the one about peace, how jah is a god of peace, ha. Do you mind letting me know which area you were in Bigdummy, PM me please. I always keep an I out for fellow dissenters but they keep me pretty busy. Plus my eyes tend to give more attention to the sisters. I hope your wife can awaken her reasoning faculties eventually too.

  • Phizzy

    Welcome, from one bigdummy to another !

    I was born-in in the early1950's, and did not wake up till 2008, so I consider myself a bit stoopid for all those wasted years.

    I think you will find lots of good advice and support here, you already have some in the Posts above, but as time goes on you may wish to vent some more, and perhaps seek the advice of those of us who have been through what you are experiencing.

    I am now happy, and am at peace with myself, two things that I never was whilst a JW.

    All the best for the future !

  • JakeM2012

    Welcome Big Dumb Dumb,

    I can sympathize. I was born in and my parents were in this religion from birth, and their parents and their grandparents back to 1918's and shortly later selling "Millions Now Living Will Never Die". I never had a chance with indoctrination from an infant. But I began to awaken to the truth about the truth in 2008 and stopped cold turkey in 2010 shortly after the overlapping generation scam. I was 45 years old.

    I understand the bitterness. It is difficult, and I don't want the bitterness to stick, but it is a phase I'm still somewhat going through. I long for the day when I can just say I'm completely done with that and over it. Live long brother.

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