How did you find the strength to leave?

by SAHARA 49 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  LoriJis

  For me it was my husband who wanted to leave and he told me about it before we got married. I wanted the double life but I knew he wouldnt do it. So we started to fade. We wanted to keep that life to keep contact with our family. But my husband's exwife made that impossible and thats when I saw how badly they can treat people. When his ex wanted to get reinstated she told her elders what we were doing. Then we find out that they had a JC to disfellowship us without contact (full story was posted a few months ago) that blew my mind. So we had no choice but to DA ourselves to avoid disfellowshipping.

  I can tell you its been 3 months and it's horrible. It takes an emotional toll on you. I have my wonderful husband's support but to lose friends that ive had for years and family treat you like you are the devil is horrible. We are starting to make "real unconditinal" friends now but we both do miss our families very much. Like i said we just started so it is very hard for me but ive had helpful people on this site and our new friends that tell us with time.....but yes it is hard.

  LoriJis
• 

  VoidEater

  Either the void would eat me, or I would eat the void.

  I tore down the foundation and felt empty.

  But I felt clean for the first time.

  And then I rebuilt.
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  Coffee House Girl

  It was not a quick decision, I prayed every day for three years to Jehovah to die, it was painful to wake up in the morning & still be alive, alive to face another lonly day of bullshit in the org I knew was wrong. I stayed too long, I stayed for my mom, eventually that wasn't a good enough reason anymore when I realized how unhappy she was. Nothing I did to be a good little witness made her any happier, I realized that I could not make her happy. I decided I needed to save myself before I suffered the same fate-

  I gained independence by getting my own appartment, car, paying my own way. I started talking to a man who became my friend, my friend wanted to help me once I explained my situation. He helped me to see the "world" in a different light. He helped me with an escape plan since people were starting to notice I was pulling away from the org, I told my sister I was leaving, I told my mom, & I got the hell out of there. I left the state for a week, would not tell anyone my location, and would not answer the phone. (except I would check in with my friend).

  I enrolled in University this past fall, & I am trying like the rest of you to achieve a real life- with dreams, hopes, and love (yes, my friend became my lover, and became the love of my life)

  The leaving is not fully over, elders are still calling & DFing is probably eminent- but I am so glad I had the strength to do what I thought would be impossible

  CHG
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  Balsam

  I had to get angry, otherwise I just would have continued going along with all the baloney the head men were feeding us. Anger, unforgiving anger at the organization. I didn't get angry so much at the elders in the congregation but I did at my now ex-husband and the organization. For me that was the key.

  Ruth
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  SAHARA

  To all of you who responded to this question I have to tell you, I am a grown ass man with lots of hispanic machismo but I've got to admit that some of these posts literally break my heart and bring tears to my eyes. Can't believe the suffering this Org. can cause.
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  SlipnSlide

  I'm currently in the process of fading. This has not been an easy decision at all. I was raised in "The Truth" and finally got baptised years ago. The generation and the events leading up to the 1975 has always been a sore point with me. Although I was a child in 1975, I remember the talks leading up to it. I also remember many folks quitting their jobs, selling their homes and cars, and the mass baptisms. I never got a clear explanation. I got tired of the double standards in my kh and my extended family. I got married last year to my husband (who never got baptized). His dad and stepmother did not attend and tried to talk me out of it because he was not "in the truth". His baptized sister got married earlier this year and she just met him 3 months ago at the time. It was alright because he was an "elder" and had "a little money" I was not okay with this, so I did not attend. I am tired of the judgemental attitudes and self-righteous ways. I don't and never have kissed any ass so that does not make me popular. They always say that you should not stumble others and that is exactly what they do. I'm stumbled by the excessive real estate that the WTBTS has. I myself have donated quite a bit of money. I was a good little dub for a while. I went out in service and attended the meetings faithfully. I can no longer deal with the arrogant attitudes of the elders that think they know everything and just because they say something, that it is the gospel. I will no longer deal with the so called congo members that treat those out of the org better than those IN the org. I will no longer deal with those touchy-feely elders trying to cop a feel. I will no longer deal with the so-called friend who I told secrets to all the while threatening to tell the elders because you feel it's your duty. I have a whole lot to say, but I feel a lot better right about now.
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  Damocles

  I don't know exactly. A lot of stuff happened at the same time and even now (10 yrs later) I have some troubles pulling the threads apart.

  I very mistakenly and now regretfully believed that I should keep my doubts to myself and a few JW adult friends and away from my children. When I realized what an ass I was and how damaging that sort of hypocrisy is on children, I left in a rush with some hopes of redeeming at least a little bit for the kids. Too late though most of the damage was done.

  We had a crew of 6-8 dubs that regularly got together and trashed the GB and local nitwit elders. Really great fun. Side-splitting humor. I still laugh to think of some of the jokes. Yet, of that crew, I'm the only one who left so far as I know. I don't really know why I had the gumption and the others didn't. And I certainly don't condemn them. They all have good reasons to stay.

  I think it was near-run thing for me. I could easily have stayed had things happened even a little differently. But boy am I ever glad to be quit of that craziness.

  On the other hand, one more lesson on the 'generation' and tacking - or one more talk on not whacking off might have pushed me one toke over the line and postal. Who knows.
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  flipper

  SAHARA- Great thread ! You ask really good questions.

  For me - having been born in and raised in the witnesses - it took a lot of time for me to develop the courage to exit the cult. Had and still have a substantial number of family still in the JW's. But I got to my breaking point where it hurt more to stay in it- than to exit it. If that makes any sense. I received unjust treatment by elders who I thought were supposed to be my spiritual shepherds and they gave me counsel which put my teenage daughters in danger - I told them I disagreed with their personal opinions as counsel and to stick it where the sun don't shine.

  I had doubts about the " generation " or " last days " doctrine for years ( since the late 1980's ) but finally got the courage in 2003 to exit. Before that I was fearful to discuss my doubts with my JW family. But it gets to a point when you see injustices, corruption inside the organization which accumulates so MUCH - that it leaves no other alternative than to bolt from the organization and escape to get freedom of mind away from the mind control ! I have NEVER had any regrets for leaving when I did. Some of my JW family accepts it, some don't - but that's O.K. I had to do what I felt was right . They'll just have to deal with it. Actually I've gained more respect from some of them for sticking to my principles and exiting, bizarrely enough. Hang in there friend, you'll do fine. Life gets better
• 

  misguided

  There was not one things...but many, because I believed with my whole heart that Jehovah would make things right in his own time. I couldn't understand why his own time was allowing others to be hurt.

  Firstly, I was sexually abused by 2 brothers in my early teens, including one who was an elder. This was in the same time frame as the other. When I got the courage up to tell my father, he put a knife up to my throat (before a meeting) and told me to never talk like that about a brother/elder again. I was disbelieved. 10 years later this same elder sexually abused my sister who is 10 years younger than me.

  Then...I married an elder's son. .

  ---

  turned out this elder had had a baby with his daughther. Cover up in the ORG....Yup, real bad. So my kids have an aunt who is also their cousin...all covered up.

  Then...This elder's MS son, my husband's brother (he's a MS, my H was not) tries to have sex with me while my husband is passed out drunk in the other room. I was appalled and never let it happen. I went to the elders. Anything done? NO...He's walking around the assemblies with his "attendent" badge on, while I look like a liar (jehovah, why are you doing this to me?)

  Then...The elder's son leaves me 7 months pregnant and moves in with a girl from his work. I'm left to raise 5 kids on my own. A sister says to me, Who's going to want you with 5 kids? So when an unbaptized man wanted to marry me I took the offer. He started abusing us so bad...long story short...he's served a 3 month sentence and 1 year of probation for what he did to us. What did he do during this time? He got BAPTIZED!! Jehovah's holy spirit at work!

  After being DF'd for a year or so - yet still thinking I must go back at some point - a jw lady at work told me I had a bad heart. She told me I had a bad heart because she had given me crap for putting a palliative cancer patient in to see the doctor before her for a sore knee. I pointed to the JW-NO BLOOD on her chart after she had made a big scene in the waiting room, and told her this is one of the reasons I had abandoned her religion. There was no love. That's when she told me I had a bad heart. I realized at that moment she was crazy...and that I may be crazy for still believing.

  A few weeks later it was the memorial. I took all 6 of my kids and we went. I listened to the speaker. I felt nauseaus. When I walked out those doors, I knew it would be my last. It was. It all fell together. I wasn't the crazy one...everyone else was.

  Left the Org...everything is good now. That was in 2002. Have 5 of my kids. May still lose my 6th to the Org (12 years old)

  All the time, I couldn't keep up with the changes in things...generation, donation arrangement, etc. The truth was supposed to be free...

  So happy to be reallty free!

  Rose
• 

  LongHairGal

  SAHARA,

  Not having family in made it easier for me. I came in as a young adult. Also, I never entirely bought all of it. I never accepted their anti-college, anti-career stand and knew I had to support myself. There were also other teachings that I took with a grain of salt. I work full time and was on the fringes. I just had a few friends and was not in the center of the cliques.

  Once I made up my mind that I was going to do a 'fade', I made sure I reconnected with relatives and made a few new friends outside. I started missing meetings slowly, one at a time.