How did you find the strength to leave? (page 2)

moshe

If you don't leave after you figure out the WT org is a pack of lies, you will end up as a human doormat for the elders and all the JW's to step on - yuck.

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troubled mind

I was born in and raised all three of my children as Jw.

In a very short time period six yrs ago I went through some very traumatic experiences . During that time i came to realize I only had myself to really rely on . I began seeing the flaws of the religion I had dedicated my life to .

I was extremely unhappy and felt my faith had been a pack of lies . I reached a point where I just had to take my chances on leaving otherwise I felt I would die .

I worried my adult children would shun me . I didn't know what my husband would do . I wondered what my JW relatives would think . But none of those concerns or worries were as powerful as my need to keep my sanity and loyalty to myself .

I was extremely angered when I realized I had put my childrens lives in danger because I believed some old men's ideas that God would be dishonored if they had a blood transfusion to save their life . I had refused blood for three operations myself and once when my son was operated on at five yrs of age . The sober reality of what could have happened slapped me in the face and woke me up to the awakening this is just another man made religion .Men making rules for other men ,period .

One morning during the public talk I looked over at my husband and said " Let's go home " . At home i told him I was done with this religion . He was shocked and hurt . At that moment I thought he might walk out on me and leave . Instead after a tumultuous week ....we BOTH just never went back .

At first we just stayed quiet and low key . My adult children eventually have all faded on their own over the past four yrs . My in laws have cut back contact with us to just a couple of phone calls a yr . My Witness relatives have slowly cut us out of their lives ,but that is their decision not mine .

I have my husband and my kids ......and what's left of my sanity . I am happier than I have ever been .

Now after four yrs though the Elders are poking around ,I wish they could just leave me in peace . They are pushing for me to officially DA myself .....but I am a stubborn Irishwoman that has a streak of selfish pride .

BabaYaga

Hello and welcome, Sahara!

I don't see it as taking courage, but in fact, perhaps it did. I see it as taking many, many SMALL STEPS in stages that I was comfortable with... or should I say... I had to QUIT doing the things that I was NOT comfortable with.

First, I knew that shunning was wrong. I had seen too many people get kicked out and SHUNNED by their only support group when they needed help the most. I tried to work within their system for that, and took it upon myself to secretly "encourage" those who were being shunned by the "loving congregation".

Then, I felt uncomfortable going from door to door. I really could not reconcile that WE had the ONLY truth... when I knew in my mind and heart that some things the elders were doing was NOT making the most high happy.

So, first, I went from door to door, but I didn't offer any literature. It was weird, but it felt right. I just talked to the folks, and wished them a wonderful day. Then, I decided that I couldn't in good conscience go out to these homes any more. I thought that they really might be perfectly fine without the message I was bringing, because that message was flawed. Consciencious stance to no longer go house-to-house.

I wondered how it would feel to be a "new one" in a congregation, so I did an experiment and went by myself to a Hall where no one knew me. It felt funny, even though I knew the message, it felt alien somehow. I took that into consideration.

Little by little, I just took a stand more and more for what I felt was right, or rather, refused to do what I felt was not right. Years ago when I left, there was no internet (gasp!) and there was precious little "apostate" literature (certainly none that I would not have read at that time, anyway.)

Baby steps. Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. That is what it all comes down to.

Love,
Baba.

AllTimeJeff

I don't think it was an act of courage per se, but a decision made courageously.

Yes, I did cross the Rubicon in my mind. I knew that my friends would no longer be able to talk to me. I weighed that heavily, knowing how I would be talked about.... All the games and mind traps the GB puts in your head.

But I adopted a simple mantra for me, and it has worked out rather well. It is better to suffer in honesty then to wallow in dishonesty.

I have frequently commented here that there is no easy, dignified way to leave the cult. It is messy, stinky, sort of like the prison escape in Shawshank Redemption.

I saw that well after my JW exit, but of course, the most famous line from that movie resonates to any JW at the crossroads as to whether to leave or not.

"You can get busy living, or get busy dying."

For JW's considering leaving, here is a better quote to consider, and its damn realistic too (from Shawshank)

"Andy Dufresne (insert your name here) - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."

Think About It

Shawshank Redemption.........what an excellent movie and great lines to use for leaving the JW religion.

Think About It

White Dove

If you read my story, you'd ask me how I found the strength to STAY!

I was pushed out by abandonment and lack of spiritual and practical care.

Couldn't get the meetings with out either of those.

freeflyingfaerie

For me there came a point when I felt that i had outgrown this religion and to stay would mean soul-suicide. It was my deepest feelings and intuition followed by analysing that brought me to my knees , then into peace . I wasn't so concerned during the months of my walking away about the consequences ( of course i knew intellectually that there would be backlash) , I was more concerned with my own psyche and well-being and being true to myself. The strength comes from pain. Pain and not being settled inside can drive you to do the unthinkable. I still have to find strength when I think of my family and some dear friends that i am 'dead' to.

A personal kind of mantra that i tell myself when I feel alone or the heartache resurfaces is~~this is my life, no one else is living it but me, this is my experience...I am alive today, I may not be alive tommorrow...~~

and when i think that way, I breathe deeper, walk slower, enjoy the moment, take it all in.....

....did i go off on a tangent?

freeflyingfaerie

(alltimejeff, i swear i wasnt copying your 'mantra' thingy , lol)

diamondiiz

Once I was sure that wts was a fraud there was no more point of being false to myself and pretend I needed false friends. The filth that this religion is the only thing I regret is that I didn't find out the truth about them some 20 years when I began studying.

jamiebowers

I was running for my life when I left, because I was expected to either remain in an abusive marriage or stalk my jw husband long enough to see whether he would choose to commit adultery or murder.

How did you find the strength to leave?

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