An Opinion Question

by DIMs Wife 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kismet

    Will not let this get off topic however regarding your

    Kiss my ass Kismet, if you can't take a joke.[8>]
    I can take a joke, but.. I have one friend, 2 work colleagues and one former neighbour who cannot 'take a joke', they all died September 11th.

    I guess I have a hard time finding death by plane crash to be all that funny.



    Hey achristian,thank-you for the reply.I drifted away,I am not a coward.When I walked away nobody bothered me.Why?Because I told the elders not to bother me again.Straight-up!They knew I was good for my word and nobody wanted trouble...OUTLAW

  • TR

    You better give up on humor Kismet. What YOU may find funny may offend others as well. BTW, I AM sorry about your friends and colleagues. I just think that your attempted chastisment of me to be a tad rediculous. Comparing a joke I made to what Bin Laden did is plain goofy.

    Dim's Wife,

    In my case, I quit going to the meetings, then moved. It was three years before I learned how corrupt and dishonest the WTS was. It was at that point that I DA'd myself. I have a brother that is still a JW, but we communicated up until last May, when I sent him some WT info that he didn't like. He hasn't spoken to me since.


    "YK is his name, false prophecy is his game"

  • Princess

    I agree with Redhorsewoman. Why play by their rules? It just tells them you recognize their authority. If they come after you to df you there is nothing you can do. I could never in good conscience da myself, that makes it too easy for them. I have never hidden anything from them. They could come after me over many different issues but they don't and everytime I run into an elder, he squirms.

    Drift away, you are a reminder of unfinished business every time they see you.


    "Dance as if no one were watching, sing as if no one were listening and live every day as if it were your last." -Irish Proverb

  • LB

    I'm with Princess on this one. Why play by their rules.

    By the way aChristian I disagree about drifting away being the cowards way out. I'm the sort that thinks yelling "I QUIT" is being the cowards way out. Maintaining contact with JW friends is the only way you can help them. Sending off a note as a LAST contact isn't much good. But if they can speak with you over time, then you'll be effective.

    I have no regrets for drifting away, AND, if I were to be caught expressing myself on this board, and then getting DFed for it, so what. I feel that they no longer have ANY control over me. I enjoy that feeling.

    That's why my real photo is on line. I'm not hiding a bit.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • umtiger

    I've struggled with this one for a while.
    While DA or DF is the enivitable, it pains me to say that.

    If drifting away can be done and the individual can get closure, then thats the way to go, as it will allow some contact and possibly give some hope of helping loved ones. Not to say we don't have to play by their rules, just remember that those "rules" are what will eventually come between you and family or (so-called)friends.
    Remember to get yourself out and get some closure, no guilt, no what if's, nothing. Take care of you first, then help others.

    All That Could Never Be Said
    All That Could Never Be Done
    Will Wait for Us At Last,
    Somewhere Behind The Sun

  • kpax

    Speaking out of experience. If you have family there, drift away. If no family or real friends, DA yourself! Run and don't look back!


  • Flip

    If you were me, I'd drift away. Then again you're not me.

    I still get to go to weddings and funerals allowing one to associate, albeit in the peripheral, with family, which allows for opportunities of informational influence regardless of how carefully ‘they’ watch out for it.


    -A useless Jehovah's Witness is one that doesn’t promote donating for the literature they take.

  • libra_spirit

    Wow, so many good comments.
    aChristian makes a good point. His option is from one who is well grounded in a faith. He knows where he stands and he has no question about what is real and what is not. To take such a stand is admirable and if I had been as well grounded to "my truth" back then as I am now I would have done exactly what he suggested. Stood and spoke my piece in order to show that I had no more fear from the JW teachings of fear. This would have an effect on others and my family.
    However when I left, I was so indoctrinated and had little faith in myself or in God I would have not been able to stand up on my own and shout anything. It wasn't untill age 30 or so I even got a direction really and began to build a new faith in myself and later in Spiritual persuits and in God, many years after I had been out and deprogrammed the teachings of fear.

    I do feel that someday down the road after you find your own path and want to pass some truth on to others, ie your kids, you may find yourself speaking out publicly for what you believe in, just as aChristian is doing. However the important thing is to survive right now! Consider which path for now will enable you to come to a point of personal love and respect for yourself. The JW's will always be there, how will you feel when you run into them?
    How will it effect your family? Do you care what they think? It's easy to say we do not care but it is rarely true.
    Thier control over you is directly related to how you feel, not what they do. You must find a balance that allows you to have self respect and grow, the other option can lead to suicide, so this is an important thing to face. The wound must be healed in you first and they will be there to reopen it if they can bring in doubts and fear.

    Good Luck

  • Frenchy

    Red says: “I fervently wished for someone to call on me and help me to re-activate myself. Didn't happen. I haven't received a "shepherding call" in almost 17 years, and I don't expect that I'll be getting one anytime soon.”

    That is the case in most instances where publishers drift away. Contrary to popular opinion, MOST elders would rather not stir up the waters and after a long time people just seem to forget. Not always the case, but mostly so. I was a witness for over thirty years. I stepped aside as an elder and rarely go to a meeting and no one has asked why.

    AChristian says:
    ::: "Drifting away" is the coward's way out. ::: Very narrow viewpoint. Many have children, parents, and spouses still in the stranglehold of the Society. I think most JW’s understand this.

    ::: Jesus said if we are ashamed of Him…::: Being prudent in no way intimates being ashamed of Jesus. Jesus himself said that we are to be ‘cautious as serpents’…

    ::: If you "drift away" you be forever thought of by JWs as being spiritually weak:::

    If you DA yourself you will forever be thought of as the devil incarnate.

    ::: Did Jesus "drift away" from the corrupt religious establishment in His day, :::

    Jesus attended the synagogues of his day. He stayed within the guidelines for the most part or he would have been ousted and would have lost some of his effectiveness. He even sent healed ones to the priests for the ritual cleansing.
    To drift or not to drift. You will have to decide exactly what it is that you are going to do. You don’t have to do it right now but you will eventually have to decide. For example if you drift away and decide to celebrate Christmas next year with the family be prepared for a visit by the elders when one of the ‘friends’ sees the lights on your house or the tree through the window. If you begin voicing your opinions of the Society to the ‘wrong’ people, be prepared for a visit. Drifting away means also keeping a low profile as well as keeping your JW family. It will be a trade off. Personally, I think my family is worth a little of my pride.

    By staying ‘in’ I have managed to influence several people already, people who are now questioning what they once accepted with eyes wide shut. I could not have done so by shouting that out loud in the back of the kingdom hall after the announcement of my da’ing myself. I hope to influence many more people in the future. Will that bring on the dreaded JC? Eventually perhaps but I’m going to get as much mileage out of my situation as I can.

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