by DIMs Wife 40 Replies latest jw friends
Drift. It lets you chat to your family still, and any friends.
As I see it, if you want to talk to JWs to persuade them, tehn getting disfellowshipped is worknin against yourself.
Drifting is aminly best for being able to talk to your family, though.
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The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126 "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible "
There may be some individuals who can improve their situation by making a clean cut through disassociation - perhaps if they have only been associated for a brief period of time or have no family members held hostage by the WTS.
For the vast majority of JWs, however, the "fade" is the preferred method to distance themselves from the Borg.
By far, the best adjusted former JWs seem to be those who carefully plan their "fade" and rescue some of their family members and friends. I'm not sure if this is the selfish or the selfless course generally speaking - it all depends on the ages and circumstances of those involved.
In my opinion, there is nothing honorable about being disfellowshiped or disassociating. If there is any "badge of honor" it might be helping to free others and those who are DA or DF are seldom in a position to free anyone.
I have personally helped free about a dozen family members and friends and indirectly I've lost count - several hundred at least. Would that have happened if I had to honestly answer "yes - I am DA or DF" when asked by individuals writing to AJWRB? I don't think so.
Therefore, in short, my advice is plan your "fade". This has nothing to do with being a coward. In fact, quite the opposite. It is a brave and intelligent person who carefully executes the "fade" operation and thereby helps not only themselves but others as well.
Lee
I tend to agree with Lee here. I chose not to fade but to go out with a bang, a point that does give me some satisfaction. However, that was many years ago and I was under incredible pressure to stay, so much so that getting myself DF'd was the only way to relieve it.
If all this had happened now, it would have been much different. Not only would I have been armed with knowledge from sites such as this, I would also have been receiving support from all the other posters. That being so, I could have "Hung on in there" and just faded quitely away.
I think that "Faders" need to build up their friendships and leisure activities as they fade, even with sites such as this I can see loneliness being a spur to return.
Englishman.
Bring on the dancing girls!
Hey E-man,your right it does get lonley,and my family played on that.But it never spurred me to return...OUTLAW
Another vote for drifting And if they decided to try and d/f me I will use one of those wonderful letters some of our thoughtful and very articulate members of this board have posted for our use!!!!!
Don't play by their rules...make up your own!
Have to agree that drifting allows much connection to family and friends. However, I believe DA'ing has it's uses too. I personally sent in my letter of DA several months ago. No one expected this, and so I was approached by many friends questioning what was wrong. This allowed opportunities to for me to give them a little insight into the corruption of the organization. At the same time, I felt better in that no one could rumor that something "immoral" had been committed on my behalf to allow for a disfellowshipping. Further, I felt that no one could label me as a "drifter" who had lost interest in serving God. Everyone had to be left with the unresolved notion that I walked out on my own two feet. No one expelled me, and I didn't lose interest in God. Kind of unsettling.
Drift away, hon. BTW, your hubby is a cool guy. Good luck to you.
Feel free to call this Jersey boy any time you guys.
ashi
I didn't "drift" away. I walked away. Quit cold turkey. Only one brother has ever came by to find out why. Of course, they all know why since I had several discussion with all my elder friends while still in and they knew they had no answers. I fully expect to soemday be DF'd. I don't give a crap what they do or think. I accept any of the JW's who treat me kindly but I do not try to keep a low profile. Just so happens that most of my habits are not very threatening to them right now. But I am thinking of getting more involved in the local community and politics so that may change.
Anyway, I think it depends on who is around you and how it might affect them. If you don't mind risking your relationships, including your marriage, than taking more overt action could work out OK. But if you could lose everyone and everything of importance in your life than going slow and carefully makes more sense. My wife has chosen to stay with me while at the same time supporting her JW religion. She knows my stand and is very upset about it but I am willing to take the risk that she and other family members may end up shunning me. You have to be sure in your own mind and be confident with yourself and then just let the chips fall as they may. I think it is better to be out and getting on with my life but I respect the choice of others to stay in a fade in an attempt to help their friends. I'm not really happy that I have no friends anymore and that is a direct result of my walking away. But I am making new aquaintances and will rebuild a network of friends. Know your own personality and make you choice accordingly.
Sean
I don't think there is absolutely one right answer to this question. Each person has different circumstances in their life that makes what ever decision they make on this issue personal to themselves. The key here is to get out, how it is done is irrelevant to the actual action. Saying someone is a coward for choosing a different path than your own is a selfish out look on someone else's life that has nothing to do with your own.
Shouting from the roof tops about switching teams is very self indulgent and is reminiscent of the JW mindset about bringing attention to your self as being a good little JW. What is right for one does not mean it is right for another.
Dave
Sean, you just live on the wrong coast. If you were here, with us, you would have plenty of friends, and the whole family, of course. But, you would sacrifice too much I think. Your wife is a sweetheart, and worth keeping.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers
