Feeling down (page 3)

beksbks

Pent up frustration and grief ...

Sylvia

Ha, I was going to say maybe it's a good thing to have a deserving focus for some of that emotion.

truthseekeriam

Hi Tec,

First let me say..I'm sorry for what you and your son are going through. The preteen teenage years are so hard, I'm going through it myself.

Yet me share what's helped with my son, he was very depressed and felt guilty after his younger sister was molested by a fellow JW..but of course we didn't even notice because we were in he most traumatic time of our lives, so he went through it alone pretending he was fine. It wasn't until I read his text messages that I found out how. not fine, he was :( He was so bad that he actually started cutting himself. Of course we talked and cried together and I assured him he couldn't have prevented what happened to his sister, but I could still see he was not happy. I had him talk to a therapist with didn't do much. So I decided against his will, because he had no motivation to do anything, signed him up for soccer. Let me tell you he has been the child I remembered ever since:) He has practice two times a week and a weekend game. It keeps him active and involved with other kids who have to depend on each other out on the field. Evey kid is different but in my opinion we know our kids, sometimes we need to push them to do something they don't want to do, because we know they need it...

I hope you find your sons "soccer"

(((hugs)))

mrsjones5

I've seen my son become really angry once about a year and a half ago. He was playing dodgeball on steroids with his scout troop and someone hit him in the face with a ball right after he had been hit in the stomach. It was like the boy became the incredible hunk, the look on his face was that intense. I saw the look of fear on the boy who hit my son and I'm glad I was there to stop my son from taking the boy out.

miseryloveselders

Now my son is a sophomore in high school, stands 6'1", 185 lbs. No one messes with him. He's still a goofy kid, a good kid but he's learned how to handle himself and neutralize bullies.

Eventually this is what happens. Thats why Tec, your concerned, and you should be. But at the same time, eventually a boy comes into his own as a man. I was about the same size as mrs.jones son, now I'm 6-2 255lbs, just hit my early 30's. I need to get down to 220, and I'll be straight. I walked into a supermarket one night last winter, and these three young thug high school kids were in the same aisle as me, and I walked down the aisle, and I wasnt moving out of their way. They were walking toward me. They cleared the aisle on both sides like Noah and the Red Sea. I wasn't trying to play tough guy either, its just they have to respect me as a man regardless of how thug they may see themselves. They probably would have wore me out too had I took on all three. But Tec eventually your son will be doing the same thing.

Beksbks, its cool. I just told Shamus to kiss me, so I anything is possible now.

snowbird

Tammy, do you feel somewhat better now?

I believe we womenfolk simply don't understand the fighting instinct in males.

Sylvia

miseryloveselders

Snowbird, you have no idea. I love watching boxing, MMA, and theres days I wonder what it would be like to compete. Women don't have that raging testosterone like boys have. There's something about violence I find attractive. The JW side of me feels guilty watching it, so I turn it off. Some JWs have trouble with porn, I have trouble with boxing. I made it a point to go to bed early last Saturday so I didnt go out to a sports bar and watch the Mayweather/Mosley fight. When doing the double life thing when I was younger, I tossed hands with quite a few people, and ran with a few nonJWs that were bad news. Stupid kid I was. Only backed down when I realized it could get back to my Dad who I was scared of. I think all boys go through this at one point or another. Sad to say though, too many are ending up on the front page or in the grave too soon. The line between boys being boys, and going too far is a fine line all too often.

tec

((((((Truthseeker))))))

I'm sorry for you and your family, and I'm glad you found what works for your son. We've tried a lot of things, but I'm still looking for my son's 'soccer'. Unfortunately, the anger and the lying tends to follow him everywhere now. We've got to tackle those issues head-on, and I'm hoping the counseling will teach us how.

Mrs. Jones - I don't think my boy is ever going to hit that size. It runs in my family, mind you - there's not a male on my mom's side under six foot/250 pounds. But I take after my dad's side (five foot nothing) and I think my son takes after me. We'll see. He gets a few extra years of growing than I did. I remember things being really hard for my baby brother growing up, he was so much bigger than everyone else. He got blamed for everything. He had the anger issues too, but he's the one who got that under control. He was afraid he'd kill someone in a rage one day if he didn't.

Bullies SUCK!

Misery - I hope you're right. He's a good kid with a good heart, and I hope all my worrying and efforts help him to come into his own. I have faith that he will; and we're going to work to make sure he does; but worrying is my duty.

Sylvia - I do feel better hearing about everyone's experiences, but of course I'll continue to worry. That terrible temper runs rampant in my family (seems to have skipped me, thankfully) and I'll feel so much more at peace once we start getting that in hand. And yes, I think we don't understand that fighting instinct in males. My son read Misery's first post over my shoulder, and while he won't make sense of the lessons in it right now, he did LOL at the translation: whoop some a$$.

Tammy

beksbks

T, when my son was in 5th or 6th grade, he complained about being the smallest kid in the class. A summer or two later, we charted his growth on the closet door, it was amazing! That kid just shot up. He's 6'1+ now.

Lozhasleft

Tec...It sounds like your son can only benefit from your loving conscientous care...hope the counselling helps him with his self esteem hun.

Loz x

jamiebowers

There are many good anti-bullying programs out there that use per reinforcement to help bullies and those being bullied. If your son's school doesn't have one, ask them to start one. Also, if you're a single mother raising a boy, you may as well be raising an alien from outerspace! A boy needs a strong male influence. If his father is not that, find your son another one. Also give him a healthy outlet for his energy like martial arts, particularly if he has an anger and/or attention problem. I know it sounds crazy, but martial arts teaches mind/body balance and builds self-confidance.

There were many sleepless nights and endless pursuits of proper child rearing while my husband and I were raising his son. Sometimes it was sheer torture, the trouble that kid got into. But before we knew it, he was graduating from high school. Just as he seemed to be headed in the right direction, he went out on his own and messed up. He's 21 now and has been back home for several months and doing better than he ever has, but we're still holding our breath.

Just love him...sometimes that means praising him, and other times that means giving him a swift kick in the ass. Above all, please realize that any parent who says their kid is perfect is a BIG, FAT LIAR! You're not alone in this fight.

Feeling down

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