by sd-7 66 Replies latest jw friends
SD, before I exited the JW's, I used to beat up on myself constantly.
"You're a fake, a loser, a disgrace."
I had a breakdown and nearly lost my mind.
If I hadn't had an understanding boss, I would have lost my job, house, car, and whatever else I'd managed to accumulate.
Please don't let that happen to you!
It is the WT that are fakes, losers, and a disgrace.
Do keep that thought in mind as you do what needs to be done.
Peace, love, and blessings.
Sylvia
At the risk of doling out platitudes, you're still in there and the only person you can control is yourself. No matter what you do, your wife and everyone around you will do what they do - you have no control over that. You can decide who you are and who you want to be. It starts now and the past is in the past. Rewrite yourself, you have that power.
Holy Smokes SD-7... my heart goes out to you. Your posts are dripping with pain and frustration. I know it doesn't mean much coming from near-anonymous 'computer people' but... best wishes my friend. I really hope you find some solace soon. If you ever need someone to talk to who can relate to what you're going through, PM me and I'll send you my phone #. I'd be glad to chat with you. Our situations were pretty similar, although you have it much worse than I did for several reasons... and that's saying quite a bit.
Regardless... take care.
"Dude, they say to me, shut up about your problems. Dude, I say, shutting up...."
NO, SD-7, they did not say to "shut up" about your problems; they said - in effect - "Talk LESS about your problems and talk MORE about positive, workable solutions..."
Now, I'll be the first to admit that my translation is quite a s-t-r-e-t-c-h of some of their words...
But - and I mean this in the best possible way - I think I may have spotted the underlying problem, here...
You - keep in mind that this goes for ANYONE who's been programmed into mind-control-submission by a cult, INCLUDING ME...
You have been taught to be "EXTERNALLY validated", rather than "internally validated"... You've been taught to take EVERYONE ELSE'S opinions as MORE VALUABLE than your own!!!
THAT - is the reason your wife's behavior and attitudes are more important to you, than your own... THAT - is the reason that you make so many "SELF-BELITTLING" comments: "Fact is, I've got no social skills. I'll end up in a far worse situation than I'm in now if I just divorce her...... I've done enough to damage my conscience..... Maybe I'm not doing my job properly as a husband...... she's understandably angry [her behavior and anger are NOT acceptable, even if they're "understandable"!!!! ] with me about a lot. I earned this. [ NOT No, you did NOT earn this!!! You do NOT 'deserve' this type of treatment!!!! ] Again, sorry for making these issues a public forum debate....." THAT - is why you're seeking out so many different viewpoints, in somewhat of a state of flux....
Now, I've gone thru a divorce myself. And I was in that sort of 'state of flux', too - for way too long - before I finally decided to GET a divorce... Seeking out opinions isn't a BAD thing; it's a good thing... And some people need to go thru a longer period of being 'in flux' before they can stand on their own opinions and make good, self-preserving decisions...
It was NO COINCIDENCE that, when I exited the cult and began to recover my individuality, that a sort-of "psychic" ability to spot troubles/problems/issues - way out ahead of their actual occurance - showed up...
It was a "survival" instinct that had been dulled - deliberately numbed - by the WTBTS' mind-control... Because, in order to CONTROL you - and everyone else - they had to numb your ability to see discrepancies - problems - your ability to "smell the bullsh*t"...
And as I got my head 'clear', this ability - this natural, "God" or "Goddess" or "nature"-given survival instinct, came back to life...
You need to value YOURSELF FIRST... Realize that YOUR THOUGHTS and opinions are PRIMARY - and VALID, too!!! Realize that YOU have VALUE!!!... These comments may sound 'selfish', but 'you' are in contact with reality - ACTUAL reality, let us hope - as a result of that conglomeration of flesh, blood, bone, hair, heartbeat and thought that comprises YOU. THAT - is not 'selfish', that is being in contact with reality - and LIFE. 'You' cannot exist unless YOU have validity to exist - and that validity is being eroded away by the cult mentality - of your wife, of your congregation, and of the WTBTS. It is in THEIR personal interest to see to it that you LOSE your self-validity - and THAT 'desire-to-control-you' attitude of THEIRS is the truly SELFISH ONE!!!
And I'm yelling.... Hope I got my point across, though... Zid
I'm not sure but I don't think anyone mentioned that with a little (or a lot) of time you two will work out your own dance around the jw stuff. It is possible to get to a truce of sorts. We have our jw fights now and again but rarely now, he knows I detest this evil cult and will never come around, I know the score with jw's and for the time being that is how it is. You may even start having a good time with her again though the big pink elephant (jwism) will always be with you. Protect your child and if that means staying so you can, then do it.
Look, just forget I said anything. I don't know why I keep coming here. Maybe the organization and here aren't really all that different after all.
Bring her some flowers (Wildflowers are free!) today, kiss her on the forehead and tell her she is beautiful!
Tell her you are sick of all the tension, that yall are both frustrated, angry and scared but in the end yall have a wonderful family..... and you want to start focusing and reaching out for more happy times. Nothing can change your DFing anytime soon. This doesn't have to ruin yalls relationship, this is just a rough patch and maybe being DFd will make you spiritually stronger in the end. Mention the compromise on FWN, remind her your meeting attendance is just for her benefit because you love her but that you really need to her to meet you half way on somethings because that is only fair...... Tell her you love her again.
Get a blank sheet of paper entitled 'Honey-Do List'....... stick it on the refrigerator.
Write a short love letter or sappy poem and leave it for her to find every morning........ kill her with kindness and start re-kindling your sex life. She won't 'follow you' or be submissive until she is back under your spell and influence......so woo her back!
I read in your posts how much you love her, granted you are hurt (valid), frustrated (valid) and venting anger (valid) but the love shines through!
Don't go.... opinions are just that opinions..... I want you to stay....(purdy please)
Look, just forget I said anything. I don't know why I keep coming here.
Maybe the organization and here aren't really all that different after all......sd-7
After watching years and years of people complaining about their lifes here..
I know why you come back..You have an audience..
When the complainers don`t hear what they like..We are accused of being like the WBT$..
"My wife is mean to me..JWN is mean to me..I was born with a Hole in my Bum!..When will the Abuse stop!!.."
Like most Chronic Complainers you need to whip up a bit of Sympathy..
"I don`t know why I come here!..Maybe I should leave!..Maybe I will leave...Maybe someone will post and ask me not to leave"..
"God Dam it!.. I need some Sympathy!!"..
...................... ...OUTLAW
OUTLAW, your 'animated baby' disappeared...
Thank the computer/online gods for labels...
THERE!!! NOW I see the little brat!!!
A blond... Figures... [hope Blondie doesn't read this!!! 'Ducks and runs...']
