I appreciate that I don't have all the answers. Actually, I don't know about a lot of things and therefore judge a lot less.
I enjoy the freedom of not having to account to a man for every decision I make. THAT is very rewarding!
What Do You Value in your Life Now that you Exited the Witnesses ?
by flipper 61 Replies latest jw friends
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scotinsw
I value my friends that I have now and how their friendship is not dependent on how spiritually "strong" you are, how much time you spend in field circus.
They accept me no questions asked.
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WTWizard
I value the freedom to think as I please. I now have free time on my days off from work, instead of having to do field circus all day. I can now listen to whatever music I feel like, whether it is "bad" or not. And, I can go online to any web site I feel like (including apostate sites, Christmas sites, and blatant Satanic ones).
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LongHairGal
Magwitch,
I also am glad I no longer have to buy dresses to the middle of my calf. When I was in the religion I was scrutinized over my clothing. For a time, there was a campaign (started by certain older sisters who because of age or disease could not wear fashionable clothing) to persecute all younger or stylish women over their clothing. There were talks by some polite brother from time to time. Certain women were also pulled aside by the league of dowdy women and told either something was too low cut or skirt too short. One such sister who got criticized asked my personal opinion about the dress she was criticized about. This was back in the very early '90s when they had those dresses with a slanted hem. This nice dressy dress at its longest point was past her mid-calf. At the shortest point it was at least two inches below the knee. The top was practically neckline. I told her the dress was perfectly fine and that she would be crazy to listen to these sisters.
Anyway, when I started my 'fade' I got rid of so many things that were borderline-fashionable and have a whole new wardrobe now. I only saved one or two longer dresses because I like them. I was always frustrated over the struggle to find longer dresses that were fashionable. I refused to be dowdy just to make the busybodies there feel good.
My skirts and dresses are now standard knee length or maybe 1 inch below.
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its_me!
I am enjoying the idea of finding out who I am! I have never known! I am enjoying looking at people outside of the org. and seeing them as people! Before I thought that everyone who was not a JW was a disease ridden heathen! I am glad not to look at people in such a narrow minded way anymore! The world is a much less scary place than I had been taught as a child. I know that there are dangers, but it is not anything like I was told.
I enjoy the fact that I have found unconditional love from friends and family outside the Org! I love it that I am going to school again,and working on a degree! I am looking forward to building up the self esteem that was taken from me as a child. I am so much happier, even though I am going through a rough time right now.
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serenitynow!
LHG I am so going to use this- "the league of dowdy women" That is the funniest and most succinct way of describing those women, who I swear are in every congo!
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Leprechaun
I value many things, but here are a few beginning with the most important:
1. Relationship with my daughter’s ,grand kids and friends during the holidays, we did not have spontaneity in our lives being a Witness.
2. Utilizing my own conscious rather than the prearranged collective conscious’s of a bunch of Wankers in NYC.
3. Not having to look over my shoulder anymore worrying what some elder or fellow worshiper may or may not feel or do if they see me light up a Lucky Strike, or anything else I feel like doing.
4. Go to the Casino and play Bingo and enjoy every Friggin moment of it.
5. Not have set through those boring assembles anymore listening to stuff I knew was bullshit all along but my dad made me go anyway, now I am fifty six I can easily tell them to past it on their own walls.
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flipper
Wow ! Thanks for all the replies ! This thread slipped back due to my working like a madman the last few days in my business ! LOL ! I'll reply to pg.1 first.
DISSED- Very good point you make about getting to know your family better with freedom of speech. That freedom of speech makes ALL the difference in the world in communicating well. It sounds like MOST of your family is out of the witnesses now- so I'm sure you are enjoying that freedom.
You are right- the WT society is petrified of those of us who are freedom fighters and freedom lovers ! We inactive faders are their worst nightmare as we can still influence our JW family members by subtle persuasion. To the WT society- if they can't control it- they want to kill it. Sick puppies.
OTWO- I have learned what you have learned also- to give myself value- I don't need validation from any God or anyone else. Also there is something pretty cool about NOT having all the answers - it allows more learning and educating ourselves , which most of us will be doing the rest of our lives ! But that keeps life interesting I feel.
WHITE DOVE- You make a great point. Value your freedom of thought first- then family so you can be a better person for them. I like that reasoning.
JOURNEY-ON- I agree with you. I feel very strongly about living in the here and now - not living for some future fantasy like we were always falsely promised in the witnesses. I feel that's why so many JW's can'tcope with real life - they are so tuned into and mind controlled to look to the future paradise- they don't have a clue how to live fully in the here and now.
MIDWICH CUCKOO- Great points you make ! I feel the same. We don't have to worry about what the JW's think of us anymore. Don't have to consider how the WT society views something we do. They have no power or control over us anymore. Very true.
MMXIV- I also love not going to meetings or waking up early for service on the weekends ! It's great ! And basing our decisions on logic- not some WT society policy- just makes us smarter in using our critical thinking ability skills ! We all have a much more open minded view of our existence and the world too.
ROCKETMAN- I agree. Time is a big advantage we have gained after exiting the witnesses. Our time was NOT our own while under the WT society's influence. Now- we have time to pursue hobbies, work in our gardens, crafts, sports- whatever we want. The freedom is empowering ! Not disabling like it was under the heavy burden of the WT society.
SNOWBIRD- I too value my health and have researched my family genealogy . It's fun and interesting. I wasn't aware you have Asperger's syndrome. I'm sorry. I hope you can receive some assistance towards your intimacy issues my friend. You are a sweet lady who has a lot to give the right person. You have my best wishes for sure.
ANEWME- Exactly. I agree. Freedom to spend our time the way we desire is so energizing and empowering ! I'm glad you achieved a dream of yours owning your own home- good for you. And having a happy family life, being self employed- all of this without elder interference ! When we get the control and power BACK into our lives - it helps put those bad JW memories into our past. Good for you !
LONG HAIR GAL- I agree with you- no more religion for me either ! I also agree with you that there are some very small minded people in the Jehovah's Witnesses who yes, are envious of a successful lady like yourself - but what causes that is these people are jealous because THEIR LIVES suck and are not successful themselves- that's why they bring other people who are successful down. We see this ALL THE TIME in the outside world AND JW organization. It is good you have developed your independence to the point where you don't care what they think. That's good- you are right- it doesn't MATTER what they think , only you and your life matter. Your instincts were right- and they have led you to happiness.
SERENITYNOW ! - Very good points you bring up. Being able to see people as they are without judging them as sinners . Buying clothes we like for the look , not having to be so modest in attire. Having our own opinions and not feeling guilty and sleeping in on the weekends. I totally agree with ALL those points. Right on.
MEETING JUNKIE NO MORE- Very true what you say. We were always put under the WT society spell of " time left is reduced " - NOW we don't have to think that way. Like you said, you , or myself may have 50 years left , so why not pursue writing, music, or some OTHER desires we buried when a JW ? What have we got to lose ? Nothing. Have everything to gain.
MAGWITCH- Very true. You and thousands of ex-JW ladies I'm sure appreciate the freedom to dress as you like now ! Right on. It's the way it should be. Freedom to choose. WT society is no longer master over our clothes !
DIAMONDS- I agree after exiting the witnesses I've become more accepting of people as well. I'm glad you have been able to pursue your volunter work with young people , fantastic. And that you don't have to be subordinate to men because of being devalued by cult mind controlled men . More than that you have a great husband now ! Good for you. Glad you are pursuing happiness
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flipper
MINIMUS- I agree. Not having to answer to men for what we do is very empowering ! And not knowing all the answers makes life interesting- in my opinion.
SCOTINSW- I feel like you do. I really value unconditional friendships. We aren't judged now by how many times we raise our hand at meetings, how much we go out in service. It's fantastic having those kinds of friendships that are comfortable now.
WTWIZARD- Very true. The freedom to think as we want or do as we want with our time off from work. I value that immensely also !
LONGHAIRGAL- You make a great point about all the " dowdy looking " JW women who cover up their figures to appear in false modesty. I never understood it when I was a JW why all the ladies wore their dresses to their ankles looking like something out of the 1800's ! I've always much preferred a nice stylish , form fitting ( sometimes tight skirt ) on women to accentuate their beauty . But hey- I'm a guy- I would like that ! LOL !
IT'S _ME- Good points you make. I too learned that many people outside the witnesses are just great to be around ! Lots of them ! They aren't " disease ridden heathens " as we were taught, but sensitive, caring human beings - actually more sensitive than many of the JW's I knew for sure ! Unconditional love is great and the self esteem we can recover which some of us lost growing up in the JW cult is worth the work at recovering for sure !
LEPRECHAUN- Great points you make for sure ! Relationships DEFINITELY improve after exiting the cult. We can use our conscious, if we smoke, we can smoke, if we gamble , we can gamble- and not be looking over our shoulders like before. Oh, and thye JOY of not sitting for hours and hours and hours of mind numbing meetings and assemblies ! Gawd- I can only say I REALLY agree with you there ! I'll second THAT opinion for sure. I used to get so bored- I'd fall asleep at meetings and assemblies ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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mythreesons
I would say....
1. Being able to use my own mind to decide if something is for me and my family....(NOT everyone else's consciences)
2. The Present (every day I have with my wife and kids)....It seemed like before I always looked forward to the future, never really enjoying the moment I was in. That's funny because growing up my dad said things like "Don't wish your life away...thinking about the future" (like every kid I always wished I was older) the irony is he was a JW elder and didn't really believe that....because everything he taught us was about something in the future (paradise), sacrifice your life now for another one in the future.
I'm so glad to be done with all that!