Would you be shattered if your mate had sex with someone else? Why? (page 7)

oompa

vows are stupid stupid stupid....who can know forever stuff?????.............oompa

paul from cleveland

Goldensky, you seem a lot like me (in my younger days, ha ha)

VoidEater

No. I don't attach significance to monogamy.

But my spouse does, and I have agreed to abide by their wishes.

It's up to people what they vow to each other. It's a measure of integrity to follow those vows.

Early in our relationship our agreement was that monogamy wasn't important. That changed over time, and now it is.

The key to rational relationships is what you agree to, rather than relying on assumptions or stereotypes. The key to lasting relationships is the ability to renegotiate.

If they were to have an experience that added to their life, I am pleased for them.

I'm back in Madrid (I've missed you!). I've just reread all the thread and I thank you all for your comments. It felt good to realize some of you -even women like Robdar and White Dove- could, at least to some extent, relate to my points of view.

I kept thinking about this subject over the weekend. In the last ten years especially I've told my husband a few times he is free as far as I'm concerned to have adventures if he so wishes, as long as he doesn't tell me or, if he absolutely feels compelled to let me know, at least spare me the details -not because it would hurt me, just because it doesn't interest me-. It wouldn't be hard for him to find other sexual partners: he's tall, has a beautiful body (he loves sports), is a very successful businessman full of initiative and courage (mind you, I can just as quickly draw his list of defects). He says to me there are of course younger girls that he would certainly enjoy going to bed with, but that he already had as many women as he could before he married me -22 years ago- (he's never been a witness) and sex with any of them can't compare to what he feels when we make love due to his deep feelings for me. Also that even if I grant him that freedom, he would still feel awful about it. Fair enough.

It's not that I'm intent on him having sex with somebody else. What I'd really love is to have the freedom to have sex only when I feel like it, and not for his sake. I don't even know what my real sexual needs are, since I've never had a long enough "vacation". If his having freedom to satisfy his needs elsewhere grants me my wish to decide when I want to make love without feeling I'm "holding it back" from it, I'm more than willing to grant him these liberties. But he still won't.

Oh well. I have to leave you now, because my husband is urging me to put my son to bed so we can "enjoy the rest of the evening together". I wonder what he means by that... Ha, ha! See you tomorrow everybody.

goldensky

A vital clarification is needed: I'm not asking him for the same freedom in exchange. Due to my JW upbringing, I'm impaired for life from ever engaging in sex with any other man but him, at least for as long as he lives.

jwfacts

I think what I don't understand is what it is about sex that is so sacred...

This really depends on your upbringing and whether you feel there is a God and direct revelation who dislikes sex outside marriage, or whether man creates or evolves rules to fit with the culture.

Rules about sex seem to change with cultural necessity. When there was a shortage of men pre-Christ due to endless war there were rules forcing polygamy. Even the Bible demanded a man marry his brothers widow that in the Old Testament. Most societies developed rules against adultery as a way to prevent a man finding a more desirable wife and leaving, because children need a family to raise them, or at least did in older cultures without government pensions.

These days with contraception, condoms and doctors, and single mothers pensions, illegitimate pregnancy and disease are no longer such a problem. Hence premarital sex is no longer viewed as taboo by society (except by people that follow religious texts). There still are taboo's about adultery; maybe they too will ease up or maybe we feel a child needs a stable family and will continue to hold to the concept of the sacredness of marriage.

crazy2try

I agree with the women.

But it reminded me of a situation years ago with my husband. We have a great relationship. We were probably married for 10 yrs by this time. He went on a business trip to LA. I knew the one guy he went with would take him to see some pretty ladies. For some reason it didn't bother me. Well he came home, was fine for a while and then had a major guilt trip one night. He had paid a lady to perform a lap dance. He had been a witness since he was 16 and never partied like that. Anyways, he was crying and wanted me to forgive him. I actually laughed and told him he was being silly. I was a little suprised by my reaction, but I think it was cause he felt so guilty.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

kurtbethel

Shattered?!? I would PAY to WATCH!

goldensky

Crazy2try, wow! Few men encounter so much understanding on the part of their wives. Congratulations! No wonder you have such a great relationship.

Voideater and Jwfacts, very interesting points (Jwfacts, I feeling like hugging your baby everytime your avatar pops up...).

Would you be shattered if your mate had sex with someone else? Why?

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