Last night, I went to my parents' house to wash clothes--or so I thought. Apparently, someone's been talking. My mom already knew I am to be DF'd. Claims my wife didn't tell her. Unless someone I know is frequenting apostate websites, that leaves only the 3 elders on my committee, who claimed it was a 'confidential' matter. Of course, I would've preferred a public trial in some ways.
So...I get slammed for listening to people on the Internet. I know Internet always = dubious satanic source to them, but...the paranoia is unreal. My mom even suggested that demons might be on these websites. I don't know about you, but if I'm a powerful spirit creature bent on destroying JWs, why use a computer? Wouldn't it be easier to snap their heads around backwards? And where is their Internet provider?
My brother, the MS/Pioneer, shows up, and then the real game begins. He blasts me at every turn, calling me stupid and comparing me to Tom Cruise on the Today Show. "Where is their organization?" my mom asked. Hmm. Where was Abraham's? Or Noah's? Uh oh...logical fallacy.
For some reason, my brother seemed to think he was talking to someone who'd spent 5 minutes on a crackpot Internet blog and decided to leave his lifelong religion as a result. I have spent the past year evaluating these issues and even visiting the library repeatedly for research. In his aggressive haste (loaded language, sorry, but it is true) to dismiss my ideas as nonsense, he made at least 5 noteworthy blunders. I list them here:
(1) He stated that it was unnecessary to do research because the Society has done it all for us. (Ironically, by reading Bible commentaries written by 'Babylon the Great'. Or just making crap up as necessary.) The idea is that if you spend time researching and you find out the Society is right, you've wasted your time. Well, if I find out the Society is right, then I agree with them, and it strengthens my faith. If I find out they are wrong, then I want to know why they're wrong. And I'd want to know why they still present their perspective on things as the absolute right no matter what the situation. To not bother researching these issues, these beliefs, when supposedly our very eternal salvation hangs in the balance, is at best lazy, at worst foolish. True, not everyone has time to research every detail, but if you really think your life is important enough, you won't just take anyone's word for it when it comes to God's Word.
(2) A particularly classic moment was when he suggested that the scanned copies of old WT literature I got from archive.org were FORGERIES! So someone sat down and decided to write 70 years' worth of Watchtower magazines, publications, pamphlets, and the like all for the sake of leading people away from this religion? I mean, I know there are nutcases on this planet, but that's paranoia to an extreme degree. Mysteriously, these supposed forgeries somehow include the exact articles the Society quotes from in later years (like the "Birth of a Nation" article in 1925, or an article in 1912 that was quoted in the '50s, a cautionary statement about 1914). Whoever these horrible con-artists are, they've done a great job in scouring WT literature and being careful to list the articles exactly as the Society later references them. And somehow, the articles all fit the Society's doctrines. Wow. If they were really that good, maybe they should try counterfeiting money instead. It's a lot more useful.
(3) He denied the fact that the Society stated in a recent WT article that the "primary way to be friends with Christ is to obey the direction coming from the Governing Body". Surely you remember that, right? I know Blondie does. I'm sure lots of you do, too. I'd like to post the quote here when I find it. He seemed to think I was referring to 1 John 5:3. Uh...no. Way off-base.
(4) He believes the "faithful slave" and the Governing Body are not really one and the same. The smokescreen of "the faithful slave and its Governing Body" has worked. The other anointed ones--again as said in a recent WT article, 'The Faithful Steward and Its Governing Body', have no input in doctrine. Only the Governing Body does, as they said, 'just like in the first century'. So any distinction between the 'slave class' and the GB is an irrelevant one, at best.
(5) Because I found information on the Internet, it is by definition highly suspect. The information I've read has specifically referenced the Watchtower itself, with verifiable statements that were not taken out of context or twisted to mean something they don't mean. Frankly, given the boldness of many such statements, it would be very hard to NOT see what they are talking about. Certainly, Raymond Franz' books have influenced me, and the fact is, I can't verify things that happened in his life or in actual Governing Body sessions. But the Watchtower itself is in black and white for all to see. You can't deny that by claiming it's a forgery. If you want to believe it's a fake, by all means, go to your KH library and see if you can find a copy of one of these old books. The CD-ROM was sure to avoid everything pre-1950 for the WT and pre-1970 for the Awake. The irony of that is that the Society frequently points to these out of print books and magazine articles as the VERY FULFILLMENT OF BIBLE PROPHECY. If that were true, why aren't we still reading those articles?
We got to the 587 B.C. date, and my brother asked for evidence to verify that. Pick up any encyclopedia and you will see that the 587 date is not in dispute by anyone except Jehovah's Witnesses. No one else has anything to gain or lose by the destruction of Jerusalem occurring 20 years later. He asked if I'd been to any museums to investigate this issue, which I haven't. To that I have to ask, did the Society find something in a museum that convinced them Jerusalem was destroyed in 607 and not 606 B.C.? Or did they finally figure out there was no zero year and just add a year on? Has anyone, anywhere, seen any evidence to support that change?
Apparently, these are all "little" things I'm just nitpicking at, according to them. But for someone to deny even statements recently made in the Watchtower, to suggest that clear, verifiable copies of old Watchtower articles are forgeries, to suggest that the Governing Body does not hold absolute authority as the only relevant part of 'the faithful slave'--in order to make such statements, one would have to be (1) decidedly ignorant about this religion, (2) deliberately lying to defend the indefensible, or (3) thoroughly deceived in a way that is genuinely inexplicable, given the wealth of evidence right in front of you. Genuinely inexplicable without the possibility of mind control being factored in.
As was expected, the family, like me and most others, had no understanding of what mind control is about--it is not hypnosis or anything like that. It is far more subtle. And while it may change the behaviors of some in a positive way, improperly used, it can destroy intellectual freedom, the capacity for reason, logic, independent thought (sssss!!! Evil!! SSS!!). As humans, we need those abilities to keep ourselves from being fooled or enslaved by just anyone who comes along claiming to be someone special, using persuasive words.
They, in typical fashion, pointed to the preaching work, insisting that no one else is doing it--and even if they acknowledge the efforts of others, no one else is doing it better than JWs, supposedly. The Society, my brother asserted, prints millions of Bible and owns the rights to print over a hundred other translations of the Bible. Okay. Great. But remember, now, the Bible cannot be understood without the organization, right? So then even if people are getting them, by JW logic, those same people will die horribly if they don't get Watchtowers to go with 'em.
Also, you think they're the only Bible-printing company in town? Right. You don't see New World Translations in every hotel room, do you?
Speaking of the Gideons, in my time in college--a huge campus--I saw...a guy holding up a Bible, just preaching, shouting his message to the crowd. I saw Gideons handing out copies of the New Testament. I even encountered Catholics preaching to me from the Bible, though I did not personally agree with them and would be very curious to pick their brains today now that I know a lot more than I used to. But not once, not once, did I see even one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Where were they? Knocking on doors to mostly empty houses instead of going where the people were, as Jesus and Paul did. As all these other groups were doing. Frankly, people don't want uninvited folks knocking on their doors. It makes them uncomfortable. I know it does for me. Because I don't really know who you are. If I see you in the marketplace, though, I might be more inclined to talk to you. Granted, JWs do street witnessing. But the focus is the door-to-door ministry, as that is seen as the 'most successful'. Well, maybe. But I can tell you one thing--none of those other people were likely going to tell me about 1914 as part of their good news message. The message itself is just as important as going out to preach, isn't it?
But since you all are the Internet people who don't know or care about me, as the people in my own family who are about to shun me for life have explained, why talk to you, right? May not know you personally, but I've gotten to know and even meet some very interesting people who, I hope, will at least accept me unconditionally. And if not, so be it. I have learned not to count on anyone's love or their rescuing me.
I finally got tired of the crap and said to my brother that I felt he was a thug and a bully, only now a thug and a bully with a theocratic license to be such. As evidenced by his approach, which primarily attacked, not just my character ("You love Satan's system, don't you?"<--this from someone who makes twice as much money and owns a house and car while I'm in an apartment), but me personally ("I thought you were smarter than that."), and failed to address real issues. (The false prophecies were explained away as a means to weed out the unfaithful. "Since when has God EVER used falsehood to teach his people?" I asked. "God uses truth to teach his people," was the reply. No further explanation was given. )
His concluding remarks to me in private were, "I wasn't sh** to you. F*** you." Then he stormed out of the house. I found, as I watched him go, that I couldn't hate him. I could only pity him. The most liberal of the two of us growing up, somehow ended up a zealot for the organization.
My father came home from work just as my brother was leaving. He's not a JW, never has been. Never agreed with it all. But he didn't interfere for the sake of keeping the family together. He advised me to do the same. But as much as he knows, he doesn't fully understand just how much of a deal with the Devil I would have to make in order to make this work. It's one thing to want structure in the home for the sake of our daughter, as my dad suggested, but the ends don't justify the means. First the committee, now this family assault on my person and character--there is nothing in this universe that can convince me to rejoin this psychotic organization. Maybe in my dad's eyes it'll be selfish, to put this belief ahead of potentially saving my family. But I refuse to believe that accepting being lied to and manipulated is the only option available to me and my family. And I am willing to risk losing anyone and everyone for the sake of what I know is right and real. That's the price I signed up to pay.
I am not certain whether or not I will miss my immediately family much, as I made few efforts to reach out to them once I moved out. After which I subsequently antagonized my new family as well. I certainly will not miss the Borg members themselves, as people unwilling to greet me on account of a belief system they have not even subjected to scrutiny cannot possibly be acceptable as friends of mine. It is possible I've overestimated their capacity for callous conduct, and maybe many will be saddened by the news of my expulsion. But I hope that some at least...will ask themselves why. Why would someone like me, intelligent and spiritual-minded, walk away from this religion? What would convince me to do so? My conscience and my own observations and research have given me compelling reasons to stick to this choice no matter the cost.
The emotional trauma of it all has been pretty heavy. I'm feeling pretty unstable, like, keep-all-weapons-away-from-me unstable. I've got a lot to ponder. I love my wife and I don't want to let beliefs destroy our marriage. But I'm out! I'm free. Sort of. Why go back in, for any reason? I am prepared to lose everything if I must. I will give every other part of me I can give to this marriage, but I cannot surrender my mind again. I wish I could. But I can't.
I don't expect "Internet people" to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I expect real people to do that. The companionship factor here is not so much the issue as is the ability to freely discuss the Bible and the JW religion without fear of reprisal. You can't go up to elders and discuss these kinds of subjects. But reprisal is a moot point now. Tomorrow, it's done. The announcement. I'm still undecided about whether or not I should be there to hear it. I feel so many conflicting emotions that I don't think it's wise. Besides, the elders said that being there for the announcement is part of the discipline--which means I see no need to be there, as I see no need to be disciplined for not believing things that are shaky in the first place.
Growing a beard--how worldly of me! I will shave it eventually, but I see no need to worry about it on account of there being no scripture to demand such a treatment.
But it's okay. I just met someone from the boards quite recently, in person, which was very awesome. It's nice to know that, while there is no organization around to go to, you can't be friends with an organization. You can only be friends with people. It's the same with God. It's not about being friends with an organization, regardless of whose organization it claims to be. You can only be friends with God through Jesus Christ. A person. People. Not 'belongings' or 'valuable things' or the like, but real, genuine people.
As my dad said, "One thing's for sure, tomorrow that sun's going to come up." I like to think that that was the one thing I most needed to hear.
Take care.
--sd-7