How Much are Your Conditional Friends Worth?

by leavingwt 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    Upon learning that WT was not "God's Organization", I was devastated. For two decades I had spent valuable time building friendships, mostly with JWs. During my stay at Bethel, I made many fine friends, some of them very close. 'Take a bullet for them' close.

    I flew around country with these friends, vacationed with them, met their parents, etc. We shared good times and times of loss. We were as close as any blood relatives. We had similar values and similar interests.

    Before exiting, I attempted to share what I had learned about WT with a select few, close friends. As most of you know, this was futile. Whatever allegiance they had for me was nothing in the face of the fear/guilt/thought reform that blinds them to any information critical of mother. It was like running into a brick wall. Perhaps, what hurt the most, is having your "close friends" not even give you the benefit of the doubt and simply hear you out. They wouldn't even listen to what I had to say.

    So, I decided that my conditional friends weren't worth placing my future and my freedom on hold. I disassociated myself. Many of my former friends are young men and women. I'm hopeful that as "real life" doesn't match up with the WT fantasies they hold so dear, some or even one of them may begin to 'awaken' and exit WT. If that day arrives, I'll be happy to assist them, as my door remains open.

    In the meantime, I'd rather have new friends than conditional friends. Sure, I miss a few of my old friends. This is only natural. However, their friendship comes with a price that I'm no longer willing to pay: Spiritual and Mental Slavery.

    No thanks. Never again.

  • Magwitch
    Magwitch

    I feel your pain! The minute I walked away (four years ago) I realized I never had any real friends. I had big cookouts every Saturday at my house from Memorial to Labor Day Weekend. I entertained constantly, I seemed to be everyone's sounding board. I truly loved my friends and always thought it was mutual. It is hard to comprehend how fast they drop you.

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    I'm going through that process now. I think at present these friends just see me going through a bad patch, but the more I learn the more I want to share! But I cannot share because they won't listen, anymore than I would have listened 18 months ago.

    In addition the more meetings I miss and the more I do not respond to their encouragement I know my JW friends will distance themselves from me.

    To answer your question, my JW friends are worth a great deal to me, but they not worth my freedom of thought. I will always be there if they need me, but I won't stop walking down the path I have chosen for them.

  • superpunk
    superpunk

    If they're ever ready to leave, I'll be there for them. Til then, I can't really waste alot of time worrying about them. I tried with a few, hoping to help them see, but I think we know how futile that is.

  • zoiks
    zoiks

    Yes, I have seen this too! It's amazing how quickly they can distance themselves even when minor doubts are voiced. I'm trying to use it as a valuable life lesson; it eases the pain somewhat.

  • undercover
    undercover
    So, I decided that my conditional friends weren't worth placing my future and my freedom on hold. I disassociated myself. Many of my former friends are young men and women. I'm hopeful that as "real life" doesn't match up with the WT fantasies they hold so dear, some or even one of them may begin to 'awaken' and exit WT. If that day arrives, I'll be happy to assist them, as my door remains open.
    In the meantime, I'd rather have new friends than conditional friends. Sure, I miss a few of my old friends. This is only natural. However, their friendship comes with a price that I'm no longer willing to pay: Spiritual and Mental Slavery.

    Even without DAing myself, I have been able to make new friends/acquaintances and move on with my life. Even though I'm on the books, officially, I haven't let that stop me from moving on with what I want to do.

    However, what I want to do involves doing it with my wife, who is not completely mentally free of the WT. I've made progress, it's been slow but steady but I've been willing to deal with the occasional foray into JW debates in order to help her and to be able to be free with her.

    The big downside to that is as I've pointed out in the thread I started earlier. No matter how much you think you're out...you never really are. You can go years and think you're no longer on their radar and bam! there they are again. And it starts again..

    I'm a bit envious of those who DAd and walked away. It may have been difficult at the time, but once gone always gone. Those of us working the fade...you never know when the other shoe is going to drop. It may never, but living for it to happen, waiting for something that might happen...or might not happen... is stressful and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it... But when I'm more positive about it, I say yes, it can be...nothing like helping a spouse or family member find freedom...

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    The comments by Undercover have reminded that I would like to state the following:

    IMHO, there are many, many situations in which DA'ing is not a realistic path. Especially if one's financial situation is linked to the JW status, as in the case of a potential inheritance or employment. Also, for an elderly person with no income, who received primary care by JWs, DA'ing would be unwise, it would seem.

    Please do not interpret any of my comments as an endorsement of my route or as negative commentary on other types of exits. Each person's situation is unique.

  • dissed
    dissed

    Leavingwt, like you we had many very good friends, that did some wonderful things for us, but...........

    Our closest friends, have refused to even ask to why we don't come any more, let alone visit. Funny, when they were down in the dumps once, very discouraged with the WTS, they credited us with helping them back on ther feet. Now they are in the Circuit Work.

    I've also lost much respect for old friends, who are wishing for a violent death at Armageddon for my family.

  • chickpea
    chickpea

    hear, hear!!

    a genuine friendship ought to be able
    to stand up in the face of differences...

    what we were, what we had, were shells
    of friendships, façades that looked great
    as long as there was no genuine scrutiny...
    i found out quickly that even trying to be
    of assistance to a "weak one" was enough
    to get you the stink eye from the uber-dubs

    well out, that is all i can say, if i had a god
    to thank, i would be on my knees daily for
    the real life and real friends i now enjoy!!

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt
    Our closest friends, have refused to even ask to why we don't come any more, let alone visit.

    Same here. They don't even bother to hear your side of the story.

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